1 00:00:04,235 --> 00:00:06,277 Hey, Rick. 2 00:00:06,362 --> 00:00:08,279 I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. 3 00:00:08,364 --> 00:00:09,948 You think you could help me out? 4 00:00:10,032 --> 00:00:11,741 - Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally... 5 00:00:11,825 --> 00:00:14,202 science fairs are a father-son thing. 6 00:00:14,286 --> 00:00:17,080 Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing. 7 00:00:17,164 --> 00:00:18,665 Morty, I think it would be fun for you 8 00:00:18,749 --> 00:00:21,501 to work on a science project with your Dad. 9 00:00:23,546 --> 00:00:25,463 Uh... 10 00:00:25,548 --> 00:00:28,216 Yeah, Dad. Why don't we do it together? 11 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:31,094 Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son. 12 00:00:31,178 --> 00:00:33,304 We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, 13 00:00:33,389 --> 00:00:35,723 and knock this thing out in two or three days. 14 00:00:37,184 --> 00:00:38,643 What is my purpose? 15 00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,895 Pass the butter. 16 00:00:42,398 --> 00:00:43,982 Thank you. 17 00:00:46,902 --> 00:00:48,361 Dad, I need a ride to work. 18 00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:50,238 Maybe Rick can give you a ride. 19 00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:52,115 I'm helping Morty with science. 20 00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:54,117 - I'm busy. - Doing what? 21 00:00:54,201 --> 00:00:56,661 Uh, anything else. 22 00:00:56,745 --> 00:00:58,663 What is my purpose? 23 00:00:58,747 --> 00:01:00,790 You pass butter. 24 00:01:00,874 --> 00:01:02,500 Oh, my god. 25 00:01:02,585 --> 00:01:04,544 Yeah, welcome to the club, pal. 26 00:01:38,871 --> 00:01:40,413 Since when do you have a job? 27 00:01:40,497 --> 00:01:41,414 Since last week. 28 00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:43,249 It's part-time at this little vintage thrift store. 29 00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:45,668 My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man 30 00:01:45,753 --> 00:01:47,962 that treats me nice and values me. 31 00:01:48,047 --> 00:01:49,839 Meow. Can't wait to meet... 32 00:01:49,923 --> 00:01:51,716 this fascinating character. 33 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,344 Please don't. 34 00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:57,221 Oh. Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? 35 00:01:57,306 --> 00:01:59,474 I've just recently opened for business, 36 00:01:59,558 --> 00:02:01,643 Mister, um, Goldenfold. 37 00:02:01,727 --> 00:02:03,019 You know my name? 38 00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:04,812 That's disarming. 39 00:02:04,897 --> 00:02:07,649 I also know you long for female company. 40 00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:10,777 You know, it has been lonely since the divorce. 41 00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:13,696 Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice. 42 00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:17,283 This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. 43 00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:18,743 Free of charge. 44 00:02:18,827 --> 00:02:21,454 One never pays here... not with money. 45 00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:23,456 Nothing to read into there. Thanks! 46 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,500 Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. 47 00:02:25,584 --> 00:02:28,753 This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving. 48 00:02:28,837 --> 00:02:29,879 Huh. 49 00:02:29,963 --> 00:02:31,756 Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? 50 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,758 Eh, I make my own stuff. 51 00:02:33,842 --> 00:02:35,635 So, what are you... like, the devil? 52 00:02:35,719 --> 00:02:37,303 - What? Sorry? - I don't know. 53 00:02:37,388 --> 00:02:40,515 Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy. 54 00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:42,475 Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun? 55 00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:44,352 - Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm not judging. 56 00:02:44,436 --> 00:02:46,354 Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science. 57 00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:49,190 Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this. 58 00:02:49,274 --> 00:02:53,194 This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. 59 00:03:01,578 --> 00:03:03,496 Grandpa, go home and drink. 60 00:03:05,416 --> 00:03:07,333 Why don't we do a model of the solar system? 61 00:03:07,418 --> 00:03:09,335 That's what my Dad did with me when I was your age. 62 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:10,920 Oh, okay. 63 00:03:11,004 --> 00:03:13,589 You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs 64 00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:15,925 and wormholes and all that weird stuff, 65 00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:17,760 but this is real science. 66 00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:19,929 A man and his boy, making planets. 67 00:03:20,013 --> 00:03:22,515 Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? 68 00:03:22,599 --> 00:03:23,975 And then Jupiter... 69 00:03:24,059 --> 00:03:26,561 Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet. 70 00:03:28,147 --> 00:03:29,939 Of course Pluto's a planet, son. 71 00:03:30,023 --> 00:03:31,816 I learned that in the third grade. 72 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,568 Well, yeah, but you know they changed it. 73 00:03:33,652 --> 00:03:35,528 Morty, nobody changed the planets. 74 00:03:35,612 --> 00:03:37,947 I just googled it. Pluto's not a planet. 75 00:03:38,031 --> 00:03:39,949 They changed it in 2006. 76 00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:42,660 Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. 77 00:03:42,745 --> 00:03:45,538 And I disagree. - You disagree? 78 00:03:45,622 --> 00:03:48,040 That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. 79 00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:49,709 Pluto was a planet. 80 00:03:49,793 --> 00:03:51,377 Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. 81 00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:53,379 I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball. 82 00:03:53,464 --> 00:03:55,840 Um, okay. I-I just have to... 83 00:03:55,924 --> 00:03:57,675 Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? 84 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:58,885 No. Geez! 85 00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:01,304 I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn. 86 00:04:01,388 --> 00:04:04,182 Oh. Okay, good. 87 00:04:04,266 --> 00:04:05,850 This is gonna be fun. 88 00:04:06,935 --> 00:04:08,686 Hey, Morty, let me... let me... 89 00:04:08,771 --> 00:04:10,605 let me ask you a question real quick. 90 00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:12,440 Does evil exist, and if so, 91 00:04:12,524 --> 00:04:14,192 can one detect and measure it? 92 00:04:14,276 --> 00:04:16,027 - Um... - Rhetorical question, Morty. 93 00:04:16,111 --> 00:04:18,404 The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius." 94 00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:20,323 Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope 95 00:04:20,407 --> 00:04:21,908 that would have made me retarded. 96 00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:23,701 Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick. 97 00:04:23,786 --> 00:04:25,703 I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? 98 00:04:25,788 --> 00:04:28,080 Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. 99 00:04:28,165 --> 00:04:30,500 I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, 100 00:04:30,584 --> 00:04:32,126 it would have made me mentally retarded. 101 00:04:32,211 --> 00:04:34,587 Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. 102 00:04:34,671 --> 00:04:36,506 I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for 103 00:04:36,590 --> 00:04:39,008 powerful groups that are doing the right thing. 104 00:04:39,092 --> 00:04:40,718 Well, that's retarded. 105 00:04:40,803 --> 00:04:42,595 - What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing. 106 00:04:42,679 --> 00:04:44,639 You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? 107 00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:45,723 - No! - It's not. 108 00:04:45,808 --> 00:04:47,225 - Shut up, Rick. - Whoa. 109 00:04:47,309 --> 00:04:48,893 I don't care what anyone says. 110 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,729 If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. 111 00:04:51,814 --> 00:04:54,649 Planet. Planet, planet, planet. 112 00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:57,151 Stay scientific, Jerry. 113 00:04:58,862 --> 00:05:00,780 This aftershave made women want me, 114 00:05:00,864 --> 00:05:02,782 but it also made me impotent! 115 00:05:02,866 --> 00:05:05,493 A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. 116 00:05:05,577 --> 00:05:07,829 A price for everything. 117 00:05:09,248 --> 00:05:11,541 Oh, my god! 118 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:14,252 How could I not see this coming?! 119 00:05:14,336 --> 00:05:18,005 My lust! 120 00:05:18,090 --> 00:05:20,216 My greed! 121 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,802 I deserved this! 122 00:05:22,886 --> 00:05:25,805 This serum should counteract the negative effects. 123 00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:28,516 Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here. 124 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,518 I haven't learned a thing! 125 00:05:30,602 --> 00:05:31,936 Here. 126 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,688 You can have this back. 127 00:05:33,772 --> 00:05:34,939 You didn't use it? 128 00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:36,816 Sure I did... to develop this. 129 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,901 It detects and catalogs all your "Twilight Zone," 130 00:05:38,986 --> 00:05:41,404 Ray Bradbury, "Friday the 13th" The Series 131 00:05:41,488 --> 00:05:43,072 voodoo crap magic. 132 00:05:43,156 --> 00:05:44,574 I thought you might want it so you didn't 133 00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:47,076 accidentally sell anybody, say... 134 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,620 A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries 135 00:05:49,705 --> 00:05:52,540 and then makes the murders happen in real life? 136 00:05:52,624 --> 00:05:53,499 Ooh. - Be quiet. 137 00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:54,917 Don't you want to make sure 138 00:05:55,002 --> 00:05:56,502 people know what they're getting? 139 00:05:56,587 --> 00:05:58,629 You're not intentionally selling... 140 00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:00,423 Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty 141 00:06:00,507 --> 00:06:02,675 but also makes them blind? 142 00:06:02,759 --> 00:06:04,677 I find this all quite preposterous. 143 00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:06,679 Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph. 144 00:06:06,763 --> 00:06:09,640 Oh, oh! 145 00:06:09,725 --> 00:06:11,142 That's beautiful. 146 00:06:11,226 --> 00:06:13,978 You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours? 147 00:06:14,062 --> 00:06:15,730 Do I need to call the police? 148 00:06:15,814 --> 00:06:17,148 Here, you can use my phone. 149 00:06:17,232 --> 00:06:18,691 Don't worry, it won't make you deaf 150 00:06:18,775 --> 00:06:20,026 because I'm not a hack. 151 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,444 Hey! 152 00:06:23,113 --> 00:06:24,488 You think you're fucking so great! 153 00:06:24,573 --> 00:06:26,365 Stop it! No! 154 00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:28,242 Fuck yeah, man. 155 00:06:28,327 --> 00:06:29,994 Stop it right now! 156 00:06:30,078 --> 00:06:32,079 Grandpa Rick, I like working here. 157 00:06:32,164 --> 00:06:34,248 - You work for the devil. - So what? 158 00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,917 - "So what?" - Yes! 159 00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:37,585 So what if he's the devil, Rick? 160 00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:39,253 At least the devil has a job. 161 00:06:39,338 --> 00:06:41,005 At least he's active in the community. 162 00:06:41,089 --> 00:06:42,673 What do you do? 163 00:06:42,758 --> 00:06:44,759 You eat our food and make gadgets. 164 00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:47,136 Buh-bye. 165 00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:48,638 WhOops. 166 00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,725 I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up. 167 00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,518 I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady 168 00:06:54,603 --> 00:06:56,187 that came out of it, but... - It's fine. 169 00:06:56,271 --> 00:06:58,147 Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. 170 00:06:58,231 --> 00:07:00,942 This store curses people. That's my business. 171 00:07:01,026 --> 00:07:03,361 Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, 172 00:07:03,445 --> 00:07:05,196 and clothing stores have sweatshops. 173 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,406 Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? 174 00:07:07,491 --> 00:07:09,116 This is my first job. 175 00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:10,826 You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. 176 00:07:10,911 --> 00:07:12,620 You respect me. 177 00:07:12,704 --> 00:07:15,122 Please, call me "The Devil." 178 00:07:15,207 --> 00:07:16,958 I'd rather not, actually. 179 00:07:17,042 --> 00:07:18,793 Yes, perhaps not during business hours. 180 00:07:18,877 --> 00:07:20,795 I told you, I want to file a declaration 181 00:07:20,879 --> 00:07:22,964 that Pluto is a planet. 182 00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:25,299 Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, 183 00:07:25,384 --> 00:07:27,510 and when that happens, I'm suing you first. 184 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,846 I think I know what the "A" in N.A.S.A. stands for. 185 00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:33,724 - Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, sucka. 186 00:07:33,809 --> 00:07:35,476 Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? 187 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:36,769 It's even easier. 188 00:07:36,853 --> 00:07:39,939 Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake 189 00:07:40,023 --> 00:07:41,941 for saying the sun is round? 190 00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:44,151 Science isn't always easy, Morty. 191 00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:47,363 Whoa! Whoa! 192 00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:48,990 What the hell?! 193 00:08:02,295 --> 00:08:04,422 I'm King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto. 194 00:08:04,506 --> 00:08:06,757 We discovered you quite by accident 195 00:08:06,842 --> 00:08:09,427 during routine surveillance of your world. 196 00:08:09,511 --> 00:08:12,471 You really gave it to those guys at N.A.S.A. 197 00:08:12,556 --> 00:08:13,973 I was... you know, 198 00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:16,308 sometimes science is about conviction. 199 00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:18,811 It'd like to introduce you to a few people 200 00:08:18,895 --> 00:08:20,813 that very much agree with you. 201 00:08:20,897 --> 00:08:22,648 Oh, I... 202 00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,942 Plutonians. 203 00:08:25,027 --> 00:08:26,986 Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth, 204 00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:30,489 where he's creating a model of our solar system. 205 00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:33,826 Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision. 206 00:08:35,495 --> 00:08:38,039 Um... Pluto's a planet. 207 00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:42,293 Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch! 208 00:08:42,377 --> 00:08:45,838 Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head. 209 00:08:45,922 --> 00:08:49,633 If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Vagina, 210 00:08:49,718 --> 00:08:51,510 I might... - I'll take it. 211 00:08:51,595 --> 00:08:52,553 B-But I haven't even... 212 00:08:52,637 --> 00:08:53,637 Thank you very, very much. 213 00:08:53,722 --> 00:08:55,848 Great store. Great place. Bye. 214 00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:57,725 Huh. Okay. 215 00:08:57,809 --> 00:09:00,644 I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst 216 00:09:00,729 --> 00:09:02,021 would have disrupted business, 217 00:09:02,105 --> 00:09:04,732 but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem. 218 00:09:04,816 --> 00:09:06,734 Nice. "Wholesome Delight" for lunch? 219 00:09:06,818 --> 00:09:08,736 - Is that the vegan place? - Yeah, I love their soup. 220 00:09:08,820 --> 00:09:10,613 I'm kind of soup-ed out. 221 00:09:10,697 --> 00:09:12,531 Mrs. Tate, is it? 222 00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:14,742 What do you desire? 223 00:09:14,826 --> 00:09:16,911 Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. 224 00:09:16,995 --> 00:09:18,662 Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right? 225 00:09:18,747 --> 00:09:22,291 Let's just say you don't pay... with money. 226 00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:24,293 That was perfect. 227 00:09:24,377 --> 00:09:26,295 You pay with the curses, right? 228 00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:27,880 Um... I... well... 229 00:09:27,964 --> 00:09:31,133 But, Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items? 230 00:09:31,218 --> 00:09:32,843 Well, I'm going to get the curses removed 231 00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:34,178 at "Curse Purge Plus." 232 00:09:34,262 --> 00:09:36,180 You know, the guy on TV? 233 00:09:36,264 --> 00:09:38,224 What? 234 00:09:38,308 --> 00:09:40,684 Have you acquired creepy specific old stuf 235 00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:42,186 from a mysterious antique or thrift store 236 00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:44,605 that gives you powers but fucks with you 237 00:09:44,689 --> 00:09:45,773 in unforeseeable ways? 238 00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:47,483 Bring it to "Curse Purge Plus." 239 00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:50,569 I use science to un-curse the items for cash, 240 00:09:50,654 --> 00:09:52,154 and you get to keep the powers. 241 00:09:52,239 --> 00:09:53,447 This guy got mysterious sneakers 242 00:09:53,532 --> 00:09:55,699 to make him run faster, but guess what? 243 00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:57,576 He would have had to run until he died, 244 00:09:57,661 --> 00:09:58,786 making them worthless. 245 00:09:58,870 --> 00:10:00,454 I removed the curse, making them worth, 246 00:10:00,539 --> 00:10:02,748 like, I don't know, 8 million. 247 00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:03,999 See you at the Olympics. 248 00:10:04,084 --> 00:10:05,501 This eerily intelligent doll 249 00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:07,211 was threatening to murder its family. 250 00:10:07,295 --> 00:10:08,629 Now it does their taxes. 251 00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:10,256 Everything's deductible. 252 00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,966 Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. 253 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:13,509 Pay for it with money. 254 00:10:13,593 --> 00:10:15,845 You know, like how every other store in the world works? 255 00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:18,097 We're located at First and Main in Old Town. 256 00:10:18,181 --> 00:10:19,515 Come on... come on down. 257 00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:20,808 "First and..." 258 00:10:22,185 --> 00:10:24,812 That's right across the street from "Needful Things," 259 00:10:24,896 --> 00:10:27,231 where you can get evil items for free! 260 00:10:27,315 --> 00:10:30,693 Diabolic son of a motherf... 261 00:10:30,777 --> 00:10:32,695 We're back on "Good Morning, Pluto." 262 00:10:32,779 --> 00:10:34,697 And a very good morning it is 263 00:10:34,781 --> 00:10:37,449 for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, 264 00:10:37,534 --> 00:10:39,660 who's making headlines with his bold announcement 265 00:10:39,744 --> 00:10:41,829 that is what, Jerry? 266 00:10:41,913 --> 00:10:43,497 Pluto is a planet. 267 00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:45,291 Well, how about that. 268 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:47,293 I love it. 269 00:10:47,377 --> 00:10:49,712 Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. 270 00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:51,839 I'm a scientist. Can I show you something? 271 00:10:51,923 --> 00:10:53,716 Uh, I better not. 272 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,177 Right now. 273 00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:58,888 The center of Pluto, Mr. Smith, 274 00:10:58,972 --> 00:11:01,140 is made of a substance called "plutonium." 275 00:11:01,224 --> 00:11:04,852 mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities, 276 00:11:04,936 --> 00:11:07,146 where corporations use it to power everything, 277 00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:10,858 from diamond cars to golden showers. 278 00:11:10,942 --> 00:11:13,861 And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks. 279 00:11:13,945 --> 00:11:15,863 There it goes again. 280 00:11:15,947 --> 00:11:17,489 Just shrank a little. 281 00:11:17,574 --> 00:11:18,741 But a few years ago, 282 00:11:18,825 --> 00:11:21,660 your scientists noticed Pluto had gotten so small 283 00:11:21,745 --> 00:11:23,954 they couldn't even call it a "planet" anymore. 284 00:11:24,039 --> 00:11:25,831 Should've been our wake-up call. 285 00:11:25,916 --> 00:11:27,625 But the rich plutonians won't wake up, 286 00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:30,502 and they love your Dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet 287 00:11:30,587 --> 00:11:32,546 because that means they can keep mining 288 00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:35,883 until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid 289 00:11:35,967 --> 00:11:39,178 to meteor, and finally... 290 00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:41,764 poof. - Um, a party? 291 00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:43,224 Is everyone in your family an idiot? 292 00:11:43,308 --> 00:11:44,975 Well, for sure me and my Dad are. 293 00:11:45,060 --> 00:11:46,810 Well, all you have to do 294 00:11:46,895 --> 00:11:48,437 is get him to admit that, 295 00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:51,023 and you could save four billion lives. 296 00:11:51,107 --> 00:11:56,070 Yeah, you know, the thing is my Dad's really insecure. 297 00:11:57,864 --> 00:11:59,323 Hmm. Funny. 298 00:11:59,407 --> 00:12:01,659 Mr. Needful, out of everything in the store, 299 00:12:01,743 --> 00:12:04,370 you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of. 300 00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:07,998 Oh, my god. 301 00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,669 Oh, my god. 302 00:12:11,753 --> 00:12:16,340 I wish this desk was lighter. 303 00:12:16,424 --> 00:12:19,426 I wish this knot was looser. 304 00:12:19,511 --> 00:12:21,220 Come on. 305 00:12:21,304 --> 00:12:23,889 I don't... 306 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:27,059 Wait, what am I doing? 307 00:12:27,143 --> 00:12:29,270 I wish I knew CPR. 308 00:12:29,354 --> 00:12:30,562 1, 2, 3. 309 00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:32,273 Oh, Jesus. 310 00:12:32,357 --> 00:12:34,525 What a waste of a monkey paw. 311 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:36,527 Mr. Needful, how could you even think of doing 312 00:12:36,611 --> 00:12:38,153 something so horrible? 313 00:12:38,238 --> 00:12:39,822 I'm the devil. What should I do 314 00:12:39,906 --> 00:12:42,074 when I fail... get myself an ice cream? 315 00:12:42,158 --> 00:12:43,409 You haven't failed. 316 00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:45,327 People like Rick are making me obsolete. 317 00:12:45,412 --> 00:12:47,329 I mean, seriously. I may be "the devil," 318 00:12:47,414 --> 00:12:50,040 but your grandpa is the devil. 319 00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:51,500 I just want to go back to hell, 320 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:53,210 where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny. 321 00:12:53,295 --> 00:12:54,920 No! It's not fair. 322 00:12:55,005 --> 00:12:57,214 Everyone in this town got something they wanted 323 00:12:57,299 --> 00:12:58,382 from you... even Rick. 324 00:12:58,466 --> 00:13:01,552 I was your only friend, and I get nothing? 325 00:13:01,636 --> 00:13:04,513 Okay. I'll give you one thing. Name it. 326 00:13:04,597 --> 00:13:06,849 I want to help you. 327 00:13:06,933 --> 00:13:07,850 Clever twist. 328 00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:10,102 I learned from the best, you old fart. 329 00:13:10,186 --> 00:13:12,229 Now, let's go get you hydrated. 330 00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:13,939 Looks like we've got... 331 00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:15,941 haunted boxing gloves that will make you 332 00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:17,901 the heavyweight champion in 1936, 333 00:13:17,986 --> 00:13:19,862 and then you'll be trapped there, 334 00:13:19,946 --> 00:13:21,363 winning the same fight for eternity. 335 00:13:21,448 --> 00:13:23,324 I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, 336 00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:26,035 and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens. 337 00:13:26,119 --> 00:13:28,037 Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby. 338 00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:29,747 How's business? 339 00:13:29,831 --> 00:13:31,623 Here's the last of our inventory. 340 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:34,585 We're going to file chapter 11 and do some restructuring. 341 00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:36,503 Sounds like code for "You win, Rick." 342 00:13:36,588 --> 00:13:38,464 That was important to you, wasn't it? 343 00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:40,132 Nope. It was important to your dumb devil friend. 344 00:13:40,216 --> 00:13:41,842 To me, this was all just a bit, 345 00:13:41,926 --> 00:13:43,469 like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer 346 00:13:43,553 --> 00:13:44,678 for 20 minutes. 347 00:13:44,763 --> 00:13:46,305 He tried to kill himself. 348 00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:48,557 Seriously? Holy crap. 349 00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,267 Holy crap. 350 00:13:50,352 --> 00:13:52,061 But you know what, Grandpa Rick? 351 00:13:52,145 --> 00:13:54,021 He's strong, and he's never going to give up. 352 00:13:54,105 --> 00:13:56,565 - Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care. - Oh, I know. 353 00:13:56,649 --> 00:13:58,442 - Everyone knows you don't care. - So? 354 00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,444 So have fun not caring. 355 00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:02,196 - I always do. - Good. 356 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,073 Yeah, it is good. It's the best. 357 00:14:04,157 --> 00:14:06,158 I'm sure it is. 358 00:14:06,242 --> 00:14:07,743 - Bye. - Later. 359 00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:10,162 I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child. 360 00:14:10,246 --> 00:14:12,414 Yeah, uh... give me a sec. 361 00:14:12,499 --> 00:14:14,792 These are the forms for the employee health plan. 362 00:14:14,876 --> 00:14:18,337 All right, yeah, put... put them on my... eh. 363 00:14:18,421 --> 00:14:21,006 I just got bored. 364 00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:23,675 Everybody out. 365 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,636 All right, just one more rally, 366 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,596 then I promise we'll get back to your science project. 367 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,264 Dad, Pluto isn't a planet. 368 00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:30,933 It's shrinking because of corporations. 369 00:14:31,017 --> 00:14:32,935 Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nut job 370 00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:34,895 Scroopy Noopers was screaming about 371 00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:37,022 outside the Ministry of Money's Fundraiser. 372 00:14:37,107 --> 00:14:39,858 Are you telling me four billion Plutonians are wrong? 373 00:14:39,943 --> 00:14:41,568 You said science wasn't easy. 374 00:14:41,653 --> 00:14:43,278 I said science isn't always easy. 375 00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:45,864 Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. 376 00:14:45,949 --> 00:14:48,075 Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son. 377 00:14:48,159 --> 00:14:49,576 Dad, their whole planet is dying. 378 00:14:49,661 --> 00:14:52,955 Ha! You called it a planet. Checkmate. 379 00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:54,873 What's up, Pluto? 380 00:14:59,337 --> 00:15:01,130 Mr. Smith, please tell my friend here 381 00:15:01,214 --> 00:15:03,090 what you just told me. Go on. 382 00:15:03,174 --> 00:15:05,551 My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, 383 00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,511 and the "pickles" is Pluto. 384 00:15:07,595 --> 00:15:10,222 My god, the man's a genius. 385 00:15:10,306 --> 00:15:12,141 Um, excuse me. 386 00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:14,226 Morty, what? 387 00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:16,103 Dad, what did you think about the recent report 388 00:15:16,187 --> 00:15:18,313 published by The Pluto Science Reader 389 00:15:18,398 --> 00:15:22,860 linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage 390 00:15:22,944 --> 00:15:26,405 to deep-core plutonium drilling? 391 00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:29,658 Well, son, what did you think 392 00:15:29,742 --> 00:15:31,660 when you were five and you pooped your pants, 393 00:15:31,744 --> 00:15:33,912 and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window 394 00:15:33,997 --> 00:15:35,664 because you thought it was like 395 00:15:35,748 --> 00:15:37,416 throwing something in the garbage? 396 00:15:38,877 --> 00:15:40,127 I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, 397 00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:41,837 and these things are just hanging there. 398 00:15:41,921 --> 00:15:43,839 Was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them? 399 00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:46,884 Good one, Dad. 400 00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:49,720 Hey, Morty, you want to go on a... oh. 401 00:15:49,804 --> 00:15:51,680 Hey, Beth. Hello? 402 00:15:51,764 --> 00:15:54,141 Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid? 403 00:16:00,106 --> 00:16:01,356 Thanks. 404 00:16:01,441 --> 00:16:03,275 Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, 405 00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:04,568 I might watch a movie. 406 00:16:04,652 --> 00:16:06,195 I am not programmed for friendship. 407 00:16:06,279 --> 00:16:08,280 Suit yourself. 408 00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:12,451 Hey. Hey. 409 00:16:12,535 --> 00:16:13,827 W-W-What's going on? 410 00:16:13,912 --> 00:16:17,164 Um, can you help me do the stupid science fair project? 411 00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:19,124 Whatever. 412 00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:22,419 Jerry, you must be so excited. 413 00:16:22,504 --> 00:16:25,297 The Pluto-bel prize is the highest honor 414 00:16:25,381 --> 00:16:27,508 a scientist can receive. 415 00:16:27,592 --> 00:16:29,510 I'm flattered and humbled. 416 00:16:29,594 --> 00:16:32,304 Oh, I like that. Use that in your speech. 417 00:16:32,388 --> 00:16:34,598 Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. 418 00:16:34,682 --> 00:16:36,308 People like that. 419 00:16:36,392 --> 00:16:37,976 Your highness, we've captured Scroopy Noopers. 420 00:16:38,061 --> 00:16:39,603 You animals! Animals! 421 00:16:39,687 --> 00:16:44,316 Ooh, look who's little journey's come to an end. 422 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,443 Take him to Pluto-namo Bay. 423 00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:49,071 You can't kill the truth, father. 424 00:16:49,155 --> 00:16:51,365 - What? - I can see you're confused. 425 00:16:51,449 --> 00:16:53,242 Pluto-namo Bay is a military prison... 426 00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:55,118 a sort of play on words. 427 00:16:55,203 --> 00:16:56,745 Did he call you "father"? 428 00:16:56,829 --> 00:16:59,289 Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nutjob, 429 00:16:59,374 --> 00:17:00,958 is your son? 430 00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:03,293 The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. 431 00:17:03,378 --> 00:17:06,505 Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf. 432 00:17:06,589 --> 00:17:08,757 - It's a what? - Huh? Oh, planet. 433 00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:12,135 "Pluto is a cold, cold planet." 434 00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,137 That's what I meant. 435 00:17:14,222 --> 00:17:17,224 Knock them dead out there, you. 436 00:17:18,851 --> 00:17:22,479 Pluto is... 437 00:17:31,406 --> 00:17:34,700 ...not a planet. 438 00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:37,494 Ow! It's not a planet. 439 00:17:37,579 --> 00:17:40,872 Hey! It's not a planet! 440 00:17:40,957 --> 00:17:44,042 I'm an idiot, and I love my son. 441 00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:46,044 It was a long six hours, 442 00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:48,130 but we've overhauled "Needful Things" 443 00:17:48,214 --> 00:17:49,798 into the globally-compliant web 4.0 444 00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:53,802 "E-nomenon," n33dful.com, 445 00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,597 spelled with threes instead of "E's." 446 00:17:58,349 --> 00:18:02,561 Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google! 447 00:18:02,645 --> 00:18:05,397 Mm. I'm so proud of you, Lucius. 448 00:18:05,481 --> 00:18:07,899 So, how much did we make? 449 00:18:07,984 --> 00:18:09,943 "We." 450 00:18:10,028 --> 00:18:12,279 This is my business. Security! 451 00:18:12,363 --> 00:18:14,239 You're Zuckerberg-ing me? 452 00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:15,866 I was Zuckerberg-ing people 453 00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:17,576 before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. 454 00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:20,412 I'm the devil, bitch! What, what?! 455 00:18:23,916 --> 00:18:26,627 Hey! 456 00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:31,173 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, oh, hey, Dad. 457 00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:34,134 Um, what... what are you doing back from Pluto so quick? 458 00:18:34,218 --> 00:18:37,137 Uh... some people just can't handle the truth. 459 00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:39,139 Especially dummies like me. 460 00:18:39,223 --> 00:18:41,683 Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, 461 00:18:41,768 --> 00:18:45,020 but I promise never to make that your problem again. 462 00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:46,605 Hey, Dad. 463 00:18:46,689 --> 00:18:49,775 Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my Dad. 464 00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:51,568 You're a genius at that. 465 00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:53,570 Wow. 466 00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:57,157 That's... humbling and flattering, son. 467 00:18:57,241 --> 00:18:59,159 Thank you. 468 00:18:59,243 --> 00:19:01,453 What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system? 469 00:19:01,537 --> 00:19:03,872 Um... I'm just gonna take this thing in 470 00:19:03,956 --> 00:19:05,874 and get an "A." - Butter. 471 00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:07,584 - But... - You're a genius... 472 00:19:07,669 --> 00:19:08,752 at being my Dad, Dad. 473 00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:10,087 Quit while you're ahead. 474 00:19:10,171 --> 00:19:11,755 And also, knock next time, you know? 475 00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:13,298 I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14... 476 00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:14,883 I got a computer in here, you know? 477 00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,718 Oh, I... I think I understand. 478 00:19:16,803 --> 00:19:18,345 You're really playing with fire 479 00:19:18,429 --> 00:19:19,763 when you burst in here like that, man. 480 00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:21,306 I get it. Say no more. 481 00:19:21,391 --> 00:19:22,808 I mean, one of these days, 482 00:19:22,892 --> 00:19:24,601 you know, you're gonna end up seeing something. 483 00:19:24,686 --> 00:19:26,937 I got it! Noted. Good night. 484 00:19:29,941 --> 00:19:33,360 How's your pretend grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"? 485 00:19:33,444 --> 00:19:36,196 - He dumped me. - Oof. Sorry. 486 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,407 Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing? 487 00:19:38,491 --> 00:19:39,783 Not sure. 488 00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:41,660 Maybe in a much bigger way, 489 00:19:41,744 --> 00:19:44,329 Mr. Needful gave us both what we really wanted? 490 00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:47,791 Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty, 491 00:19:47,875 --> 00:19:50,919 and you didn't realize how much you valued my approval? 492 00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:53,547 - No, that's dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying. 493 00:19:53,631 --> 00:19:55,465 I'll tell you what, though. 494 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,259 If... if... if it's satisfaction you're after, 495 00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:58,969 I think I might have an idea. 496 00:19:59,053 --> 00:20:02,848 Uh-huh. 497 00:20:02,932 --> 00:20:04,266 Uh-huh, totally. Let's do it. 498 00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,017 ♪ X gonna give it to ya ♪ ♪ What? ♪ 499 00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:07,769 ♪ Wait for you to get it on your own, 500 00:20:07,854 --> 00:20:09,521 X gonna deliver to ya ♪ 501 00:20:09,605 --> 00:20:11,523 ♪ Knock knock, open up the door, it's real ♪ 502 00:20:11,607 --> 00:20:13,817 ♪ With the non-stop pop pop and stainless steel ♪ 503 00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,944 ♪ Go hard, getting busy with it ♪ 504 00:20:16,028 --> 00:20:17,362 ♪ but I got such a good heart 505 00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,823 that I'll make the mother wonder if he did it ♪ 506 00:20:19,907 --> 00:20:21,450 ♪ Damn right, and I'll do it again, 507 00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:24,161 'cause I am nice so I gots to win ♪ 508 00:20:24,245 --> 00:20:25,829 ♪ Break bread with the enemy ♪ 509 00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:27,497 ♪ But no matter how many cats I break bread with, 510 00:20:27,582 --> 00:20:28,957 I'll break who you... ♪ 511 00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:30,876 And that's how I took my storefront 512 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,420 into the forefront of the up front. 513 00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:35,088 Thank you, Seattle. 514 00:20:36,924 --> 00:20:39,634 Rick? Summer? 515 00:20:41,387 --> 00:20:42,804 Stupid motherfucker! 516 00:20:42,889 --> 00:20:44,055 You stupid bitch. 517 00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:45,849 Stupid motherfucker! 518 00:20:45,933 --> 00:20:48,059 How do you like that? How do you like that? 519 00:20:50,938 --> 00:20:52,314 W-W-Why? 520 00:20:52,398 --> 00:20:54,941 Because sometimes what you really need is 521 00:20:55,026 --> 00:20:57,611 for someone else to pay a horrible price. 522 00:21:01,199 --> 00:21:02,783 - We did it. - Yeah, bro. 523 00:21:02,867 --> 00:21:05,452 We totally worked it. We did it! 524 00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:07,746 We just pulled it off. 525 00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:11,082 Yeah, bro. Yeah. 526 00:21:44,408 --> 00:21:46,743 ♪ Bitch, please, if the only thing you cats did 527 00:21:46,828 --> 00:21:48,036 was came out to play ♪ 528 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,788 ♪ Stay out my way, mother ♪ 529 00:21:49,872 --> 00:21:51,790 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 530 00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:54,584 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 531 00:21:54,669 --> 00:21:59,297 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 532 00:21:59,382 --> 00:22:02,133 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 533 00:22:02,218 --> 00:22:04,511 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 534 00:22:04,595 --> 00:22:09,224 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 535 00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:09,424 ♪ Ain't never gave nothing to me ♪ 536 00:22:12,603 --> 00:22:14,020 Did you get any of that? 537 00:22:14,105 --> 00:22:16,064 It's a good-a show! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net