1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,400 - Cynthia... - Oh, my God! No, no... 2 00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,205 - I told you! - Hold on... 3 00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,799 Will you please... 4 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,187 NOT marry me? I choose Veronica. 5 00:00:12,188 --> 00:00:13,121 - What? - Yes! 6 00:00:13,122 --> 00:00:16,805 - Called it. - Why would he choose Veronica? - Because he loves her. 7 00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:18,344 Well--if it's any consolation, Summer, 8 00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:20,592 none of it mattered, and the entire show is stupid. 9 00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:22,055 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 10 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:25,889 You show us your concept of "good TV," and we'll crap all over that. 11 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,232 I thought you'd never ask. 12 00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,233 Hey! 13 00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:33,531 Oh, cool! Is that crystallized Zanthonite? It conducts electrons across dimensions. 14 00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:38,648 Twenty percent accurate, as usual, Morty. The important thing being I just upgraded 15 00:00:38,649 --> 00:00:41,248 our cable package with programming from every conceivable reality. 16 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,912 Wait, does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 17 00:00:42,913 --> 00:00:45,984 How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from corn. 18 00:00:45,985 --> 00:00:47,975 We're not so different. We're both corn of action. 19 00:00:47,976 --> 00:00:51,178 Yeah. But one of us is...DEAD CORN! 20 00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,208 - Boring. - Summer, 21 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,426 You just spent three months, watching a man choose a fake wife. 22 00:00:55,427 --> 00:00:58,169 So what? It'd be better if the people were corn? 23 00:00:58,170 --> 00:01:00,596 Jerry, you don't get it. This is infinite TV... 24 00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,669 from infinite universes. Look. 25 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,681 This shit is delicious. 26 00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:06,169 A movie about a guy eating shit. 27 00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:09,199 A violent Antiques Show... 28 00:01:10,463 --> 00:01:12,778 - It's a pleasure to have you. - The pleasure's all mine. 29 00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:15,204 Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous... 30 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,803 - Wait! - What in the hell? 31 00:01:16,804 --> 00:01:18,187 I agree. Where is this going? 32 00:01:18,188 --> 00:01:19,843 No, the other thing! Go back! 33 00:01:19,844 --> 00:01:21,358 Really? All right, fine. 34 00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:24,626 Glenn, this is a court order. It says you can't eat shit anymore. 35 00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:28,705 All right, Jerry, when you're right, you're right. Now I'm hooked. 36 00:01:29,461 --> 00:01:31,961 Rick and Morty S01E08 ''Rixty Minutes'' 37 00:01:31,962 --> 00:01:34,462 Translated back from the Portuguese version 38 00:01:34,463 --> 00:01:36,963 by paulo loppes for addic7ed.com 39 00:02:00,962 --> 00:02:04,430 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss," Shmlony has a nightmare. 40 00:02:04,431 --> 00:02:06,287 Shmlantha, Schmlona! 41 00:02:06,288 --> 00:02:09,749 Amazing. A dimension where all proper nouns begin with "Schmla." 42 00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:13,764 Schmlove, Schmlandula, Schmlonathan ... 43 00:02:13,765 --> 00:02:15,951 All right, that got... th-that actually got old pretty quick. 44 00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:20,636 Rick, would you please go back to me on David Letterman? 45 00:02:20,637 --> 00:02:23,469 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. I don't remember the channel. 46 00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:25,270 - Go back, go back! - Jeez... 47 00:02:25,275 --> 00:02:26,849 You speak da tru-tru. 48 00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,631 Oh my God! Dad's in Cloud Atlas! 49 00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:32,241 I'm in Cloud Atlas! What's Cloud Atlas? 50 00:02:32,242 --> 00:02:36,442 Sometimes small tru-tru different than da big tru-tru. 51 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,723 How is this possible? 52 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:42,108 Infinite time lines, infinite possibilities. Including a time line where Jerry's a movie star. 53 00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:46,728 Look, you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device. Wa--Look at this. 54 00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:49,469 And now, another Quick Mystery. 55 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:53,046 I just want to know who could've done something like this. It's a travesty! 56 00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:56,190 I did. See this knife and all the blood on it? Here's my fingerprints. 57 00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,069 Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison. 58 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,962 - Here's another Quick Mystery. - My mother's dead! 59 00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:04,887 And I killed her. Here's the weapon. And cuff me, thank you very much. 60 00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:06,551 Guilty! Sentenced to murder. 61 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,471 - Here's another. - I'm the killer! 62 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,639 Wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 63 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:16,491 Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions... 64 00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:20,711 a-a-and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self? 65 00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,293 - I want to obsess about myself. - The narcisstic stuff. 66 00:03:23,394 --> 00:03:26,924 (Sigh) Here. These scan your retinas, and let you view parallel time lines 67 00:03:26,925 --> 00:03:28,956 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 68 00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:29,984 Go fetch! 69 00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,341 - Yes! This is so cool! - Ladies First! 70 00:03:32,061 --> 00:03:33,230 I'm proud of you, Morty. 71 00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:36,721 Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo! 72 00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,345 I'm Ants- In-My-Eyes Johnson, 73 00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,486 Here at Ants-in- My-Eyes Johnson's Electronics. 74 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,585 I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes! 75 00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:45,769 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios ... 76 00:03:45,770 --> 00:03:50,714 I think, I can't--I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock, because I can't see anything. 77 00:03:50,844 --> 00:03:53,459 Our prices I hope aren't too low! 78 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:56,074 Check out this refrigerator! Only $200! 79 00:03:56,075 --> 00:03:59,451 What about this microwave? Only $100! That's fair! 80 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:03,581 I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson! Everything's black, I can't see a thing! 81 00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:06,332 And also I can't feel anything either, did I mention that? 82 00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:09,285 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes. 83 00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:11,955 So that always goes, you know, off by the wayside. 84 00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:14,144 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 85 00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:18,598 All my s-- All my nerves, they don't allow for the sensation of touch. 86 00:04:18,599 --> 00:04:21,889 So I never know what's going on. Am I standing? Sitting? I don't know. 87 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:24,811 Are we sure we want to do this? Look at our own alternative lives? 88 00:04:24,812 --> 00:04:28,112 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. Give me those! 89 00:04:29,063 --> 00:04:33,297 - What do you see? - Whiteness. Pure whiteness. 90 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,310 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. I love doing cocaine with you. 91 00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:41,953 Whoa... I love doing cocaine with you too, Johnny Depp! 92 00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:43,993 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 93 00:04:45,448 --> 00:04:47,282 I'm performing surgery... 94 00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:49,637 but not on a horse, on a human! 95 00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:53,077 That's great, Beth! You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 96 00:04:53,244 --> 00:04:55,484 I am a real surgeon. 97 00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:57,659 - Ahh--uh...Summer's turn! - Finally! 98 00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:00,396 I don't see anything. 99 00:05:00,397 --> 00:05:02,409 Well, you should select a different timeline, 100 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,357 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 101 00:05:04,358 --> 00:05:05,872 there's a chance you weren't even born. 102 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,008 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 103 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:12,178 Fine, I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 104 00:05:15,555 --> 00:05:17,126 We're playing Yahtzee. 105 00:05:17,127 --> 00:05:20,643 - Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee. - It's a fun game for fun families! 106 00:05:20,644 --> 00:05:22,800 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 107 00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:29,386 It's a 45 horsepower with anti-lock brakes, and it's the official car of Mr. Sneezy 3D. 108 00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,531 It's the brand-new... Sneezy XL. 109 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,614 The horn when you honk it makes a sneeze noise. 110 00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:40,266 It's polite, it's right, and it's Sneezy... 111 00:05:40,292 --> 00:05:43,354 Deezy... Mc... Deluxe. 112 00:05:43,355 --> 00:05:45,455 Oh, I'm Mr. Sneezy! Achoo! 113 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,476 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions has a somewhat looser feel to it. 114 00:05:49,477 --> 00:05:52,295 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 115 00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:54,705 It's in theaters now! Coming this summer: 116 00:05:54,706 --> 00:05:58,854 Two brothers. In a van. And then a meteor hit. 117 00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:03,166 and they ran as fast as they could... from giant cat monsters. 118 00:06:03,167 --> 00:06:09,767 and then a giant tornado came... and that's when things got knocked into 12th gear. 119 00:06:10,550 --> 00:06:13,269 A Mexican armada shows up. 120 00:06:13,270 --> 00:06:18,828 with weapons made from To-...tomatoes. And you better bet your bottom dollar... 121 00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:22,078 that these two brothers know how to handle business. 122 00:06:22,079 --> 00:06:28,291 In: Alien Invasion Tomato Monster Mexican Armada Brothers, 123 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:33,492 Who Are Just Regular Brothers, Running In a van from an Asteroid ... 124 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:36,300 and All Sorts of Things... THE MOVIE! 125 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,050 Hold on, there's more! 126 00:06:38,051 --> 00:06:42,038 Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie, and they're gonna come, 127 00:06:42,039 --> 00:06:45,411 and cross...attack... these two brothers. 128 00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,727 But let's get back to the brothers, because 129 00:06:47,753 --> 00:06:49,739 they're...they have a strong bond. 130 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:53,435 You don't want to know about it here, but I'll tell you one thing: The moon... 131 00:06:53,436 --> 00:06:56,182 ...it comes crashing into Earth. And what do you do then? 132 00:06:56,183 --> 00:07:00,076 It's two brothers and... and th-they're... It's called... 133 00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:03,743 Two brothers... Two brothers! It's just called Two Brothers. 134 00:07:03,744 --> 00:07:06,341 Holy crap, I am winning a Nobel Prize. 135 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,025 Come on! Time's up! 136 00:07:08,453 --> 00:07:10,098 I'm taming a lion! 137 00:07:10,099 --> 00:07:14,712 No, wait, uh...there are film cameras. I might be a lion-tamer in a movie. 138 00:07:14,713 --> 00:07:16,583 You get the idea. I work with lions. 139 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:23,128 Ooh, we're not playing Yahtzee, we're playing Chutes and Ladders. 140 00:07:23,129 --> 00:07:27,685 It seems like when I exist, life gets a little more, I don't know...predictable? 141 00:07:27,686 --> 00:07:30,120 When two people create a life together, 142 00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:33,120 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 143 00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:37,121 Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 144 00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:40,329 Oh, I get it. Now that you know you could have had it better, 145 00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,467 you resent me for holding you back. 146 00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:45,659 Now that we know you think the tables are turning, 147 00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,875 we know you thought there were unturned tables! 148 00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,604 - What are you talking about? - All this time, you've been thinking, 149 00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:53,475 "What if that loser Jerry hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 150 00:07:53,656 --> 00:07:55,807 Well now you know, you'd be a doctor. Whoop-dee-doo. 151 00:07:56,638 --> 00:08:00,481 You'd also be drinking wine, alone in a house full of exotic birds. 152 00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:04,155 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart! 153 00:08:04,156 --> 00:08:05,615 You thought about getting an abortion? 154 00:08:05,616 --> 00:08:09,429 Everyone thinks about it. Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it. 155 00:08:09,430 --> 00:08:12,290 - So...you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 156 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,914 Yeah, thank you guys SO much. It's a real treat to be raised by parents 157 00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:19,242 that force themselves to be together instead of being happy. 158 00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:20,791 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 159 00:08:22,956 --> 00:08:26,391 Oh, boy. Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives and realizing 160 00:08:26,392 --> 00:08:30,095 you don't have it as good, huh? That's too bad. You know, me and Morty are having a blast, 161 00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:32,425 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers." 162 00:08:32,426 --> 00:08:36,713 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 163 00:08:41,718 --> 00:08:42,860 BALL Fondlers 164 00:08:49,514 --> 00:08:52,114 - I'm in Heaven right now. - This might be the best day of my life. 165 00:08:52,307 --> 00:08:53,566 So now what do we do? 166 00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:56,036 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 167 00:08:56,037 --> 00:08:57,306 - Dad! - What? 168 00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:59,940 They're having fun in there! What do you guys want from me? 169 00:08:59,941 --> 00:09:03,530 Every family on this block has to wonder if they're together by choice. 170 00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:07,831 Our family just has inter-dimensional goggles to show us for a fact that we're not. 171 00:09:07,835 --> 00:09:10,515 - We'll I'm leaving! - You can't leave, you're 17! 172 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:12,266 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 173 00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:15,011 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age. 174 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:20,395 I'm gonna...move to the southwest and... I don't know, do something with turquoise. 175 00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:24,427 It's Saturday Night Live! 176 00:09:24,428 --> 00:09:25,641 Starring... 177 00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:29,772 ...a piece of toast! Two guys, with handle-bar mustaches! 178 00:09:29,773 --> 00:09:32,587 a man painted silver who makes robot noises! 179 00:09:32,588 --> 00:09:34,454 Gar Manarnar! 180 00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:39,147 three... uh...uh, uh, uh, I'll get back to that one... 181 00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:43,048 A hole in the wall, where the men can see it all... 182 00:09:43,055 --> 00:09:51,110 and returning, for his 25th consecutive year: Bobby Moynihan! 183 00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:54,926 Interesting fun fact, uh, Moynihan and piece of toast hate each other. 184 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,484 Apparently they've got some real creative differences. 185 00:09:57,719 --> 00:10:04,219 Hey, are you tired of real doors, cluttering up your house, where you open 'em, and they actually go somewhere And you go in another room? 186 00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:07,866 Get on down to "Real Fake Doors"! That's us. Fill a whole room up with 'em. 187 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:11,611 See? Watch, check this out! Won't open. Won't open. 188 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,935 Not this one, not this one. 189 00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:16,935 None of 'em open! FakeDoors.com is our website, 190 00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:22,655 So check it out for a lot of really great deals on fake doooooooors! 191 00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:33,568 Hey wait a minute, Rick. I thought this was a commercial. W-What's going on? I mean-- 192 00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:36,770 Relax, Morty. Don't-Don't worry about it-- Let's just--just see where this goes. 193 00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:40,437 Step on it, we all got places to be! 194 00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,099 Son of a bitch! 195 00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,139 See, that must be where he lives...OK. 196 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,930 Huh. Making himself a sandwich now... 197 00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,243 Hey everybody! So this is my house, 198 00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:58,522 I just made a sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, 199 00:10:58,523 --> 00:11:00,923 Still here, still selling fake doors! 200 00:11:00,924 --> 00:11:03,195 - What? - Oh, my God! It's still the commercial! 201 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,318 We have fake doors ... like you wouldn't believe! 202 00:11:05,319 --> 00:11:07,659 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 203 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,986 Call us up, and order some fake doors today. 204 00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,837 Don't even hesitate, Don't even worry and don't even... 205 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,955 - All right, I'm bored. Change it. - Wait wait, Rick! Hold on. 206 00:11:14,956 --> 00:11:16,722 Even give it a second thought. That's our slogan. 207 00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,950 See it on the bottom of the screen, below our name. 208 00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:21,550 Here's another slogan, right below that one. 209 00:11:21,551 --> 00:11:23,866 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors 210 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:26,201 Get in here quick, get out quicker, 211 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,002 With an arm of fake doors in you arms. 212 00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,396 Okay, okay, you can change it. 213 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,550 Don't even worry about it... 214 00:11:31,532 --> 00:11:35,658 I hate Mumunmunundsdays. And I really could go for some enchiladas. 215 00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:37,927 Hey Rick, that's pretty cool! 216 00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:40,720 It's just like Garfield, only instead, it's Gazorpazorpfield. 217 00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:44,655 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where uh... where those Sex robots came from, remember? 218 00:11:44,656 --> 00:11:48,856 - That whole thing? - Yeah...hey, that's pretty, pretty...that's true. 219 00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:52,118 -That's right! -Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield! 220 00:11:52,119 --> 00:11:54,091 Hey Jon, it's me, Gazorpazorpfield. 221 00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:58,398 Boy. [BLEEP] you, Jon. You [BLEEP] dumb, stupid, idiot. 222 00:11:58,399 --> 00:12:01,202 Come on,Gazorpazorpfield, go easy on me, huh? 223 00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:07,703 You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white... uh, uh... 224 00:12:08,536 --> 00:12:14,161 ...Guilt, white guilt, milquetoast piece of human garbage. 225 00:12:14,162 --> 00:12:16,121 Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield, thats, you know... 226 00:12:16,122 --> 00:12:18,197 you're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake. 227 00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:22,111 I don't give a [BLEEP]! I'm Gazorpazorp-[BLEEP]-field, bitch! 228 00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,405 Now give me my [BLEEP] enchiladas! 229 00:12:24,406 --> 00:12:28,346 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this? Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 230 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,886 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. In this reality, he's still alive. 231 00:12:31,887 --> 00:12:33,581 Oh, okay, was his name Lorenzo Music? 232 00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:37,047 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. He also did that voice of that one guy from Ghostbusters. 233 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:40,703 Which is really strange, because it's the same character Bill Murray played in the movie. 234 00:12:40,704 --> 00:12:41,754 but then, when they made the movie ... 235 00:12:41,755 --> 00:12:45,002 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp...or Garfield, I mean. 236 00:12:45,003 --> 00:12:47,682 Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick. So all that happened in this reality too? 237 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:50,439 I don't know. Just making conversation with you, Morty. 238 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640 What do you think? I-I-I-I know everything about everything? 239 00:12:54,157 --> 00:12:56,522 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 240 00:12:56,523 --> 00:12:59,181 Well, we--we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 241 00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:03,029 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 242 00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:07,174 And now the first kid is going to... do something with turquoise. 243 00:13:07,175 --> 00:13:10,050 What is either code for crystal meth, or a gateway to it. 244 00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:12,045 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 245 00:13:12,046 --> 00:13:17,335 So, we should stay together for each other and ourselves, or... 246 00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:18,761 Or? 247 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,283 Man. Woman. And now trunk men? 248 00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:25,722 We know science has created men that have a trunk 249 00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,604 that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners. 250 00:13:28,605 --> 00:13:31,547 But we DON'T like the idea of these people getting married. 251 00:13:31,548 --> 00:13:36,213 Put a line in the sand everybod-, people! Vote no on proposition XW2. 252 00:13:36,214 --> 00:13:37,932 The act that says that gay--uh--trunk 253 00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,864 people can get married. Who needs it? 254 00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:40,995 Not on my watch! 255 00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,762 Paid for by Michael Dennys and The Denny Singers. 256 00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:50,115 Hi, I'm a trunk person. And I want--I-I feel love in my heart, too. Just like you. 257 00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:53,563 I want to be able to express that love, with both a man and a woman. 258 00:13:53,564 --> 00:13:55,129 And I won't be able to... 259 00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:57,611 If Denny and The Denny Singers get their way. 260 00:13:57,612 --> 00:14:00,211 Hey, let the trunk people have sex and get married, huh? 261 00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:02,219 Paid for by... Trunk People. 262 00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,100 Oh, I love me Strawberry Smiggles! 263 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:10,369 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me, and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. 264 00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:13,852 I'm going to eat every last one of them, because--and then they'll be in my stomach, 265 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,266 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. Except for me, 266 00:14:16,292 --> 00:14:18,704 because they're going to be all inside my stomach. 267 00:14:19,347 --> 00:14:22,949 I'm--my name is Mister... Top Hat Jones, 268 00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:25,299 and God forbid anyone ever take my sniggy--little pig-dul--smiggles. 269 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:28,145 I'm keeping 'em all for me. 270 00:14:29,714 --> 00:14:31,129 Last bite. 271 00:14:31,927 --> 00:14:35,600 Oh, now they are all resting comfortably in my stomach. Ooh, am I feeling good. 272 00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:37,072 No! Get away from me! 273 00:14:37,073 --> 00:14:39,762 Get away from me and my Strawberry Smiggles! No! 274 00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:44,163 Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! 275 00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:46,210 It hurts! My entrails are out! 276 00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:48,036 Why would you even want to eat these? 277 00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:52,989 They're soaked with my stomach acid! Oh, Jesus Christ! Lord and savior and spirit! 278 00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:56,024 Save me! Take me to the light! 279 00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:59,475 Oh, my God, I see Demons! I see demons are coming! 280 00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:04,260 Jeez, Rick. Oh my god! That's some pretty hardcore stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial. 281 00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:07,337 Well, you know, Morty, I mean, You want to sell boxes of cereal, 282 00:15:07,338 --> 00:15:10,470 you gotta, you gotta, pump the gas a little. Pedal to the metal, Morty. 283 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:15,576 In a world, where muscular mannies, are coming, and they're coming strong, 284 00:15:15,577 --> 00:15:19,545 there's only three... unmuscular... Michaels. 285 00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,404 Get down! Hurry, run! 286 00:15:23,347 --> 00:15:30,034 And that's when...real...turbulent juice is coming, and you gotta take care of it. 287 00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:33,051 With turbulent...juice, Turmulent...tables. 288 00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:38,136 No room is safe from the turbulent power of turbulent juice. 289 00:15:38,778 --> 00:15:41,258 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty. 290 00:15:41,259 --> 00:15:45,507 Sex sells what? Was that a movie, or like, does it clean stuff? 291 00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:47,891 Hey, Dad. W-w-what's going on? 292 00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:50,726 Oh, your mother and I are going to be spending some time apart, Morty. 293 00:15:50,727 --> 00:15:53,550 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 294 00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:54,422 W-w-w-what? 295 00:15:54,448 --> 00:15:56,261 Speaking of "w-w-what", Morty... 296 00:15:57,072 --> 00:16:01,274 W-w-what should we watch next? What about this? 297 00:16:01,275 --> 00:16:03,296 Baby Legs, you're a good detective... 298 00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,999 but not good enough, because of your baby legs. 299 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,613 So I'm partnering you up with Regular Legs. 300 00:16:08,614 --> 00:16:09,852 - Hey there. - Detective, I'm... 301 00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:12,751 this is upsetting to me, because I feel 302 00:16:12,752 --> 00:16:14,503 like I don't need no regular-leg partner. 303 00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:16,338 Baby Legs, don't talk back to me. 304 00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:18,597 Good luck you two, there's a criminal to kill. 305 00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,798 Wow, you sure found this guy quick! 306 00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:23,913 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 307 00:16:23,914 --> 00:16:25,591 Look, Baby Legs, it's the criminal! 308 00:16:25,592 --> 00:16:28,156 [BLEEP], I'm the killer. I'm running, running real quick... 309 00:16:28,157 --> 00:16:30,929 Baby Legs, here we go! 310 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,604 That's the sound I make, when I'm trying to run fast. 311 00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:40,511 All right, I'm not going to get him. I'm, I-I just learned a real valuable lesson. 312 00:16:40,512 --> 00:16:43,914 I'm coming, Baby Legs! I'm...Regular Legs! 313 00:16:45,086 --> 00:16:47,156 - We got him! - Hey, that was good team work. 314 00:16:47,157 --> 00:16:49,120 Baby Legs, and Regular Legs, I'm proud of you two for working together, 315 00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:50,989 because of the good cooperation. 316 00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:55,393 And Baby Legs, I know it was hard for you to come to the conclusion that you need a partner. 317 00:16:55,394 --> 00:16:58,056 - But I'm proud of you that you did it. - Hey thanks, chief! 318 00:16:58,057 --> 00:16:59,566 Now get the [BLEEP] out of here! 319 00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:01,667 Pretty cool, huh, Morty? ...Oh. 320 00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,056 Uh, I thought it was cool. 321 00:17:03,057 --> 00:17:05,307 I don't give a [BLEEP] what you think, Jerry. 322 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:12,253 Hey, uh... Y-Y-Y-You doin' okay? 323 00:17:13,754 --> 00:17:15,167 I-I-I kind of know how you feel, Summer. 324 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,004 No, you don't. You're the little brother. 325 00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:19,905 You're not the cause of your parents' misery. You're just a symptom of it. 326 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,449 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense, 327 00:17:23,450 --> 00:17:25,317 but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 328 00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:27,132 isn't gonna make make me feel like less of an accident. 329 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:30,093 That, out there? That's my grave. 330 00:17:30,738 --> 00:17:31,906 Wait, what? 331 00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:35,922 On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world. 332 00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:41,185 So we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 333 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,011 And in this one, we were dead 334 00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:46,923 So we came here, a-a-and we buried ourselves, and we took their place. 335 00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,002 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast, 336 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,944 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 337 00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,122 So, you're not my brother? 338 00:17:55,123 --> 00:17:57,677 I'm better than your brother. I'm a version of your brother 339 00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,771 you can trust, when he says, "Don't run." 340 00:17:59,772 --> 00:18:03,237 Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere... 341 00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,538 ...everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV. 342 00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:13,529 Mrs. Sullivan always planned to leave everything to her cats. 343 00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:17,014 But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. 344 00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,320 What are the kitties to do, but buckle together and work as a team. 345 00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:26,233 Mrs. Sullivan, I, uh--please forgive me for being forward. 346 00:18:26,234 --> 00:18:28,292 but your eyes are so beautiful! 347 00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:31,273 Wait, this is an actual movie? 348 00:18:31,274 --> 00:18:34,097 This fall... sparks will fly! 349 00:18:35,833 --> 00:18:37,918 Mrs.--Oh--Sullivan... 350 00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,568 Between one guy, who can't get a break... 351 00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:42,915 There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan... 352 00:18:42,916 --> 00:18:45,959 and 9 cats who break all the rules. 353 00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:51,202 Last Will and Testa-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House 2. 354 00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:53,357 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 355 00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,926 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 356 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,273 I wrote AND directed that? What am I, nuts? 357 00:18:58,274 --> 00:19:01,816 Hey Morty, you just missed a preview for your Dad's "Citizen Kane." 358 00:19:01,817 --> 00:19:02,829 Doesn't matter. 359 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,706 Hey, if youre, uh, mother and I had to split custody... 360 00:19:05,707 --> 00:19:07,998 - ...Who would you guys choose? - Doesn't matter. 361 00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:13,636 Breaking News: Academy Award-winning actor Jerry Smith is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 362 00:19:13,637 --> 00:19:16,106 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 363 00:19:16,107 --> 00:19:18,045 - Don't even think about it. - Come ON, Jer- 364 00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:21,263 Are you kidding me, Jerry? It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 365 00:19:21,264 --> 00:19:23,669 It's my life, and we're watching it. 366 00:19:25,246 --> 00:19:28,791 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 367 00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:35,406 You're a surgeon. A human surgeon. Yay...you win. 368 00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,805 Where the hellam I going? 369 00:19:38,298 --> 00:19:42,134 What are you asking me for Jerry? I-I-I'm sitting here trying to figure out 370 00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:45,913 why the cops don't just take you out. They got a clear shot to your head. 371 00:19:45,914 --> 00:19:47,978 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 372 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,224 Jerry? Jerry Smith? 373 00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:03,214 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 374 00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:06,520 I hate acting, I hate cocaine, I hate Kristen Stewart. 375 00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:10,742 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, and I never stopped thinking about what might've been. 376 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,052 Hey, Ball Fondlers? Huh? Ball Fondlers? 377 00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:43,119 - Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers. - Yeah, Ball Fondlers. 378 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,569 Hu-he, Hamster-in-Butt-World Weather is done, and now it's sports time, coming up. 379 00:21:22,570 --> 00:21:24,452 - Oh, hello there! - Good day to you, Miss. 380 00:21:24,453 --> 00:21:27,583 So the hamsters live inside the rectums of those people? 381 00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:31,118 - Yeah, sweetie, that's where they live. - Well how does that work? 382 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,277 I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside? 383 00:21:33,842 --> 00:21:36,158 Yeah! And can they like, leave the butt, and walk around on their own? 384 00:21:36,159 --> 00:21:38,815 Look, I don't know! I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 385 00:21:38,816 --> 00:21:42,195 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt, and the person wanders off... 386 00:21:42,196 --> 00:21:44,246 How would they find their butt person again? 387 00:21:44,247 --> 00:21:46,525 I don't know, Summer! I can't even hear the TV! 388 00:21:46,526 --> 00:21:48,210 All right, that's it. We're just gonna go there, 389 00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:50,626 so you idiots can ask your stupid questions all day. 390 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,832 Ooh! Family vacation! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net