1
00:00:00,992 --> 00:00:05,121
Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens
for a broken defraculator.
2
00:00:05,122 --> 00:00:07,990
That is multiphase
quantum resonator.
3
00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:10,137
- Well, does it defraculate?
- No.
4
00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:11,528
Then it's a broken defraculator.
5
00:00:11,529 --> 00:00:13,946
Like you would even know
dick about fraculation.
6
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:17,568
Your planet just got cellphones
and the coverage still sucks!
7
00:00:17,947 --> 00:00:19,791
Yeah, yeah, and your
species eat sulfur.
8
00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,659
So lets say 60 smidgens.
9
00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,360
I tell you what...
I'll do you a favor.
10
00:00:23,361 --> 00:00:24,514
I throw in a fart.
11
00:00:24,593 --> 00:00:26,593
Hey, Rick...
12
00:00:26,619 --> 00:00:28,717
You think maybe I could get
something from this place?
13
00:00:28,718 --> 00:00:29,973
Like a souvenir?
14
00:00:29,974 --> 00:00:31,959
Like just to have, like
something cool, you know?
15
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,593
Not here Morty.
We'll stop somewhere else,
16
00:00:33,594 --> 00:00:36,328
because you know,
there is always another pawn shop.
17
00:00:36,329 --> 00:00:38,000
OK, I just...
18
00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:41,206
You know, I thought that robot over
there, looked pretty cool, you know?
19
00:00:41,592 --> 00:00:42,943
Oh, it looks cool, huh?
20
00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:44,581
- That's why you want it?
- Yeah, you know?
21
00:00:44,582 --> 00:00:47,078
I mean... it's different
from the stuff on earth.
22
00:00:47,677 --> 00:00:50,775
And you know, you take me to all these
crazy places across the galaxy
23
00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,816
and you know, I don't
really have anything to...
24
00:00:52,817 --> 00:00:54,498
to remember all those trips by.
25
00:00:54,499 --> 00:00:57,402
It'd be kind of cool like
a souvenir, you know?
26
00:00:57,403 --> 00:00:59,894
Like what if you passed away
or died or something?
27
00:00:59,895 --> 00:01:01,877
I wouldn't even have
anything to remember
28
00:01:01,903 --> 00:01:03,623
all the cool stuff
we did, you know.
29
00:01:03,624 --> 00:01:05,918
Okay, 60 for the resonator
30
00:01:05,919 --> 00:01:07,702
and my grandson wants the sex robot.
31
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:41,978
Subtitles by Ozymandias
Corrections by XhmikosR
32
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,700
So we're just going to pretend
this isn't happening?
33
00:01:49,701 --> 00:01:52,106
I'm not saying that's a bad idea.
Just asking.
34
00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:55,317
Rick, why did you let Morty
bring that thing into our house?
35
00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:56,774
What do you want from me?
36
00:01:57,466 --> 00:01:59,646
He thought it looked cool,
you know what I mean?
37
00:02:05,745 --> 00:02:07,507
Alright, back to...
back to...
38
00:02:07,508 --> 00:02:08,999
back upstairs.
39
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,315
Well, I'm intervening.
40
00:02:14,316 --> 00:02:16,207
Intervening with puberty?
41
00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:19,016
You'll turn him into Ralph Finnes
in Red Dragon.
42
00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:21,781
He is at that age,
let's just be proud of him.
43
00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:24,390
Jesus, did I really set
the bar that low?
44
00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:27,540
Rick, could you come
with me please?
45
00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:28,734
Quickly!
46
00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:32,655
OK, now if we here squeaking
we intervene.
47
00:02:34,552 --> 00:02:36,204
Where is the sex robot Morty?
48
00:02:36,205 --> 00:02:37,671
That is Gwendoline.
49
00:02:37,672 --> 00:02:38,790
I mean the robot.
50
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,291
She started beeping, and then
transformed and tried to fly away.
51
00:02:41,292 --> 00:02:43,271
Strange.
That's usually the man's job.
52
00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:44,833
You know what I'm
talking about, Morty?
53
00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:47,559
Morty.
54
00:02:47,806 --> 00:02:49,319
That's my catchphrase,
remember?
55
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,031
Remember how I cemented
that catchphrase?
56
00:02:52,032 --> 00:02:53,638
Alright, alright
seriously though.
57
00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:55,069
Let me grab this thing.
58
00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:57,935
Come on.
59
00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,799
- Rascal.
- Okay... unacceptable
60
00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:01,576
What is going on?
61
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,040
Alright...
62
00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:05,188
What is that?
63
00:03:06,655 --> 00:03:09,680
I think Morty's robot was designed
for more than long weekends.
64
00:03:11,564 --> 00:03:14,218
Genetic compiler,
incubation chamber.
65
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,039
Yeah, this here is some
kind of baby maker.
66
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,640
And that there is half Morty
and half... who knows... what.
67
00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:21,926
It's my bad guys
I'll take care of it.
68
00:03:24,836 --> 00:03:26,352
Hey listen,
you guys quarantine
69
00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:28,461
the house when Summer
brought olives from Mexico.
70
00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:30,891
This thing could grow
to the size of Delaware.
71
00:03:31,371 --> 00:03:33,706
It might eat brains
and exhale space AIDS.
72
00:03:33,707 --> 00:03:34,765
We gotta be careful.
73
00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:36,582
I lost the chance
to be careful, Rick.
74
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,460
I'm a father now, you know?
75
00:03:38,461 --> 00:03:40,828
It's time for me to be responsible.
Isn't that right...
76
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:42,154
- Don't name it!
- Morty Jr.?
77
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,196
Oh crap, he named it.
78
00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:45,241
Well Dad, it's a living thing.
79
00:03:45,242 --> 00:03:46,534
And it's half human.
80
00:03:46,535 --> 00:03:48,688
And it was born on America's soil
which entitles it...
81
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,675
Jerry, majoring in civics
was your mistake.
82
00:03:50,676 --> 00:03:52,159
Don't punish us for it.
83
00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:54,926
Fine. I'm gonna take this
thing into my workshop,
84
00:03:54,982 --> 00:03:56,416
and do a little
bit of investigating.
85
00:03:56,417 --> 00:03:58,600
Do not let that thing
out of your sight.
86
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:01,381
It looks harmless now, but it could
grow into something dangerous.
87
00:04:01,382 --> 00:04:04,433
- Like the Insane Clown Posse.
- Yeah, good one, Jerry.
88
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:07,312
2003 just called and
wants its easy target back.
89
00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:10,616
He is a like little me.
90
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,241
You don't think he'll turn
into a monster, do you?
91
00:04:13,242 --> 00:04:14,580
They always do.
92
00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:17,484
1995 called, they want...
93
00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:20,551
their "certain year called wanting
its blank back" formula back.
94
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,939
Why, Jerry?
Why expend the effort?
95
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,779
Life is effort,
and I'll stop when I die.
96
00:04:27,053 --> 00:04:28,140
Out.
97
00:04:28,141 --> 00:04:29,580
- What you doing?
- Well, I can't solve...
98
00:04:29,581 --> 00:04:30,810
the problem my way thanks to...
99
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:32,823
your family's primitive
biological hang ups.
100
00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:35,049
Gross. I might have just touched
one of Morty's loads.
101
00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:36,518
But maybe I can find
suitable parents
102
00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:38,941
for Morty Jr. on this
robot homeworld,
103
00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:40,979
which is...
104
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,815
Gazorpazorp in the
Andromeda system.
105
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,035
- Scoot Summer.
- Don't you need a new companion...
106
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,211
now that Morty is
in the family way?
107
00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:50,433
I don't do adventures
with chicks, Summer.
108
00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,773
Oh right, because there is
something about having a wiener...
109
00:04:52,774 --> 00:04:55,014
...that would make me better
walking through a hole?
110
00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:57,049
Oh crap.
111
00:04:57,786 --> 00:04:58,844
Grandpa Rick!
112
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:01,513
Help!
Help!
113
00:05:07,143 --> 00:05:08,087
Grandpa Rick!
114
00:05:08,088 --> 00:05:10,422
Still think it's a good idea to go
through a hole without a wiener?
115
00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,595
- I wanna go home!
- Yeah, no duh.
116
00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:19,404
Great, now I have to
take over a whole planet
117
00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:21,452
because of your stupid boobs.
118
00:05:21,924 --> 00:05:23,365
You're doing great, Morty.
119
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,886
Really you think? I mean
I'm not doing much of anything.
120
00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:27,192
What do I do if it cries?
121
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,502
Then you put it down
and let it cry itself out.
122
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,597
Yeah, right.
123
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,775
We tried that technique on Summer
and she is gonna end up stripping.
124
00:05:33,776 --> 00:05:36,505
Isn't she?
Yes she is.
125
00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:40,078
She is gonna strip her attention
because she was denied it.
126
00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:42,353
Stop filling it with
your own insecurity.
127
00:05:42,354 --> 00:05:43,704
You're gonna turn
it into Mort...
128
00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,630
more... more... more of you.
129
00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:48,690
Well, we can't all be raised
like reptiles
130
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,651
by a mentally-ill scientist.
131
00:05:50,652 --> 00:05:51,652
What the...
132
00:05:54,017 --> 00:05:57,017
Listen to me. I am not
rewarding this behavior.
133
00:05:57,018 --> 00:05:58,740
Knock it off both of you!
Give me him!
134
00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:00,271
Give me my baby!
135
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,971
You're both nuts.
I'm gonna raise Morty Jr. myself.
136
00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:07,020
Where is your hands?
There's your hands.
137
00:06:07,021 --> 00:06:10,333
And that's how we
play happy hands.
138
00:06:10,852 --> 00:06:13,306
Oh, you are going to
ruin that kid, Morty.
139
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,883
At least we can agree on that.
140
00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,317
Thanks, dumb dumb.
141
00:06:25,822 --> 00:06:27,883
I said "thanks, dumb dumb".
Go get more.
142
00:06:27,884 --> 00:06:29,568
Summer, put your burqa on!
143
00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,774
That burqa is a human rights violation,
144
00:06:31,775 --> 00:06:34,074
and I spent a lot on this top.
145
00:06:34,075 --> 00:06:36,569
Look, I'm trying to repair
portal gun with
146
00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,786
with bunch of sex doll parts
and I have to do it one-handed
147
00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:41,156
to keep these belushis from
cutting you off.
148
00:06:41,157 --> 00:06:43,197
The least you could do
is be ashamed of your gender.
149
00:06:43,762 --> 00:06:45,301
What's the deal with this place?
150
00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:46,942
Why is it such a sausage planet
151
00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:49,817
and how did such
backwards idiots invent robots?
152
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:52,843
Obviously at some point
the Gazorpians became so
153
00:06:52,844 --> 00:06:55,419
evolved that they replaced
females with birthing machines.
154
00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:57,763
The resultant lack of
distraction and handpecking
155
00:06:57,764 --> 00:06:59,622
allowed them to focus
entirely on war,
156
00:06:59,623 --> 00:07:01,468
so they bombed themselves
back to the stone age
157
00:07:01,469 --> 00:07:03,045
and now they just fight
with each other over
158
00:07:03,046 --> 00:07:05,002
fake pussy with sticks
and rocks all day long.
159
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:07,401
You think it's efficient
to get rid of women?
160
00:07:07,402 --> 00:07:09,109
You ever see a line
for the men's room?
161
00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:11,030
Are you hea... Do you lis...
You hear me, summer?
162
00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:19,821
The... plot... thickens.
163
00:07:25,092 --> 00:07:26,580
You might wanna cover
your eyes, Summer.
164
00:07:26,581 --> 00:07:28,503
Yeah, like it was my
dream to watch.
165
00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:33,944
Summer, grab hold.
166
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,807
Grandpa Rick,
where are we going?
167
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,016
Well obviously Summer, it appears
the lower tier of this society
168
00:07:45,017 --> 00:07:47,540
is being manipulated through
sex and advanced technology
169
00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:49,246
by a hidden ruling class.
170
00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:50,853
Sound familiar?
171
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:52,699
Ticketmaster.
172
00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,875
There we go, Summer.
Hey brother.
173
00:07:55,278 --> 00:07:56,245
Hey bro.
174
00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,062
Nice racket you got
going on here.
175
00:07:58,063 --> 00:08:00,942
Listen, I'm Rick Sanchez
from earth dimension C-137.
176
00:08:00,943 --> 00:08:02,874
Don't mean any harm.
Coming in peace.
177
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,031
It's all cool in the...
178
00:08:05,264 --> 00:08:06,652
good in the neighborhood.
179
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,613
That was what I was trying...
That's what I meant.
180
00:08:11,738 --> 00:08:12,730
Oh, I get it.
181
00:08:12,731 --> 00:08:15,381
The old "behind every
great man amazon" twist.
182
00:08:15,382 --> 00:08:16,716
Silence!
183
00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:22,171
Your slave is ill-mannered.
184
00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:23,634
- My slave?
- We assume...
185
00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:25,228
you are from a more
primitive world,
186
00:08:25,229 --> 00:08:27,338
where men are still permitted
to be servants.
187
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:29,922
If he is a rogue male, tell us now,
and we will kill him.
188
00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,414
He's my slave.
He's my slave.
189
00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:32,785
He is definitely my slave.
190
00:08:36,944 --> 00:08:38,684
Oh boy, what's the opposite of...
191
00:08:39,664 --> 00:08:41,274
Am I right ladies
and gentlemen?
192
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,165
You guys kidding me.
193
00:08:44,218 --> 00:08:47,510
Morty Jr., you're gonna be a special
little guy, aren't you?
194
00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:50,055
You're my special little guy.
195
00:08:53,662 --> 00:08:54,454
DA
196
00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:55,573
What was that, Morty Jr.?
197
00:08:55,574 --> 00:08:57,978
Were you gonna say Dada?
Say Dada.
198
00:08:57,979 --> 00:08:59,394
Death!
199
00:08:59,395 --> 00:09:00,465
Dada.
200
00:09:00,866 --> 00:09:02,866
Domination!
201
00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:04,035
Dada?
202
00:09:04,036 --> 00:09:06,243
Destruction, domination.
203
00:09:06,901 --> 00:09:08,190
Nice.
204
00:09:14,082 --> 00:09:17,282
The spider in sector C
is still alive.
205
00:09:17,283 --> 00:09:19,991
Plan your route accordingly
and expect delays.
206
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:23,127
We're not telling you what to do.
We're just sharing how we feel.
207
00:09:23,128 --> 00:09:26,283
And now, weather. Is anyone
else cold or is it just me?
208
00:09:28,597 --> 00:09:31,874
I am Marsha,
ruler of Gazorpazorp.
209
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,372
I am here if you need to talk.
210
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,795
What is this place?
211
00:09:34,796 --> 00:09:38,287
Paradise. We built it during
the great passive aggression,
212
00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,312
when females separated
from the males
213
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,344
due to their increasingly
destructive behavior.
214
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,546
- I'm here if you need to talk.
- I'm here if you need to talk.
215
00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:49,271
From here we dispense
mechanical surrogates
216
00:09:49,272 --> 00:09:51,036
to maintain our population.
217
00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:54,312
Fertilized surrogates are
returned here to our nursery.
218
00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:57,413
The females are placed
into educational program
219
00:09:57,414 --> 00:10:00,092
where they can discover a
service to our paradise
220
00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,911
that fulfills them most.
221
00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:03,575
The males...
222
00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:06,517
they get to play outside.
223
00:10:07,718 --> 00:10:09,749
That was just a baby.
224
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:12,276
And within a day he'll be
an adult male Gazorpian,
225
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:14,914
one of the most aggressively
violent creatures in the universe.
226
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,332
Wait a minute.
We're here because a male Gazorpian
227
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,834
was born on our planet.
228
00:10:22,632 --> 00:10:25,214
You speak when you're
spoken to ding-a-ling.
229
00:10:25,215 --> 00:10:27,611
It's true though. One of your
babies was born on earth.
230
00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:29,805
Are you the ruler of this earth?
231
00:10:29,806 --> 00:10:30,889
How did you know?
232
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,914
- The quality of your top.
- Do you love it?
233
00:10:32,915 --> 00:10:34,270
I love it.
234
00:10:34,271 --> 00:10:36,428
I'm here if you need to talk.
I'm here if you need to talk.
235
00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:37,950
- I'm here if you need to talk.
- I'm here if you need to talk.
236
00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:40,993
If the Gazorpian is male
your earth is in grave danger.
237
00:10:40,994 --> 00:10:43,891
We will give you passage back home,
so it can be terminated.
238
00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:46,015
But first, mojitos!
239
00:10:46,398 --> 00:10:47,917
We don't have time for mojitos!
240
00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:49,118
You are insulting them.
241
00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:51,318
I don't care Summer.
This place is the worst!
242
00:10:51,319 --> 00:10:52,485
I wanna go home!
243
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,105
Well, it really doesn't matter
what you want
244
00:10:54,106 --> 00:10:56,466
because this is a sane place,
where women rule.
245
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,166
You know what I have
to say about that?
246
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:03,263
I can not believe... my ears.
247
00:11:08,481 --> 00:11:10,736
Boy, who let the
frogs out, huh?
248
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:11,879
Grandpa!
249
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,858
- Grandpa?
- That sounds patriarchal.
250
00:11:14,859 --> 00:11:17,089
It means father of fathers.
251
00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,139
Then this one is
not your slave
252
00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,950
and your earth is yet another
planet dominated by men.
253
00:11:21,951 --> 00:11:23,950
It's not dominated
by us, okay?
254
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,605
On earth men and
women are equals.
255
00:11:25,606 --> 00:11:29,158
Equals? We make 70% of your
salary for the same job!
256
00:11:29,159 --> 00:11:30,197
Seize them!
257
00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:34,650
Was this really the time
to make that point, Summer?
258
00:11:36,785 --> 00:11:38,209
This is for you Daddy.
259
00:11:38,506 --> 00:11:39,675
Oh man.
260
00:11:40,268 --> 00:11:42,011
Okay.
Listen to me Morty Jr.
261
00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:44,304
I gotta tell you
something very important, okay?
262
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:46,097
Killing is bad.
263
00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,118
Bad.
264
00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:48,685
You are silly, Daddy.
265
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,976
No, Morty Jr.
I'm being serious, okay?
266
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,072
You need to put your energy
into something else.
267
00:11:53,393 --> 00:11:55,991
I mean what about dancing?
Would you like to learn how to dance?
268
00:11:55,992 --> 00:11:58,926
I like to dance...
on the graves of my enemies.
269
00:11:59,759 --> 00:12:01,334
No, Morty Jr.!
270
00:12:02,871 --> 00:12:04,901
Daddy, can I go outside?
271
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:06,439
No, absolutely not!
272
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,822
But that's where all the people
and the animals are.
273
00:12:08,823 --> 00:12:10,605
Yeah, but you can't go
out there because...
274
00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:12,782
The air is poisonous, for you!
275
00:12:12,783 --> 00:12:15,015
You will die if...
You'll die instantly
276
00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:16,644
if you ever leave this house.
Do you hear me?
277
00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:18,849
- For real?
- For real times a million, buddy.
278
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:22,962
So let's just stay inside...
let's try dancing. Right?
279
00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:24,792
Look at me.
We're gonna dance. Come on.
280
00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:26,860
Join, dance with me here.
We love to dance.
281
00:12:26,861 --> 00:12:28,127
Why do we love to dance?
282
00:12:28,128 --> 00:12:29,672
Because I said so!
283
00:12:32,257 --> 00:12:33,621
- Nice.
- Nice.
284
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,081
So, what are you in for?
285
00:12:41,082 --> 00:12:43,061
Because I got a big...
you know...
286
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,817
penis between my legs.
287
00:12:44,818 --> 00:12:45,885
What are you in for?
288
00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:48,444
The worst crime
a female can commit.
289
00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:53,227
Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you
guilty of having bad bangs.
290
00:12:53,228 --> 00:12:56,851
You ever noticed the ones with bad
bangs always have three names?
291
00:12:56,852 --> 00:13:00,705
You are hereby sentenced to...
the silent treatment!
292
00:13:01,712 --> 00:13:02,896
This is gonna be cake.
293
00:13:02,897 --> 00:13:04,739
No!
Jackie!
294
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,901
Rick and Summer of earth.
295
00:13:06,902 --> 00:13:09,274
For the crimes of treason
against woman kind
296
00:13:09,275 --> 00:13:11,768
and for creating the sound
of which we do not speak
297
00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:15,451
because it does not exist,
you are hereby sentenced to...
298
00:13:15,452 --> 00:13:16,748
What? A night on the couch?
299
00:13:16,749 --> 00:13:17,831
Death.
300
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:20,325
I hate you so much right now.
301
00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:23,225
This will be the first
instance of capital punishment
302
00:13:23,226 --> 00:13:26,947
in our society in 500 years
due to our awesomeness.
303
00:13:26,948 --> 00:13:29,047
So we are forced to improvise.
304
00:13:29,048 --> 00:13:32,064
We placed a large
boulder on that ledge.
305
00:13:32,065 --> 00:13:34,763
Holly shit! You're gonna
crush us with a boulder?!
306
00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:36,437
No! Stop interrupting!
307
00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:40,518
The boulder falls onto a lever
that will launch...
308
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:41,823
- Knives.
- What?!
309
00:13:41,824 --> 00:13:43,855
Just give me a gun,
I'll kill myself.
310
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,309
Stop interrupting!
311
00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,288
The knives will...
312
00:13:47,289 --> 00:13:48,471
Fine!
313
00:13:48,472 --> 00:13:50,211
You were right the
first time, okay?
314
00:13:50,212 --> 00:13:51,286
The boulder crushes you.
315
00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:52,977
I just didn't want to
admit you were right.
316
00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:54,508
- Happy?!
- Just ignore them.
317
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:56,349
- Ignore them.
- Such an asshole.
318
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,333
Look, I'm sorry, Summer.
319
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,425
I feel bad that I let you
drag us into this.
320
00:14:00,426 --> 00:14:02,474
I wish could have been
a better grandpa to you.
321
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:03,828
And you know, for
what it's worth,
322
00:14:03,829 --> 00:14:06,065
that is a really nice cute top,
that you're wearing there.
323
00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:07,700
Top?
My top!
324
00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:08,796
My top!
325
00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:11,177
The same top you
complimented earlier.
326
00:14:11,178 --> 00:14:13,237
Look! Look at the tag!
327
00:14:13,238 --> 00:14:14,250
Read it!
328
00:14:14,251 --> 00:14:15,269
It says...
329
00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:17,090
Mark Jacobs.
330
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:19,031
Mark? Jacob?
331
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,285
These are names of the penis.
332
00:14:20,286 --> 00:14:21,172
Yes.
333
00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,852
An earth man made this top.
334
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:26,734
Maybe on your planet
separation of the genders
335
00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:27,978
is the right thing to do,
336
00:14:27,979 --> 00:14:31,740
but on earth, a certain
percentage of males are born gay,
337
00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:34,933
which is why my clothes
are better than all of yours.
338
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,437
It's true.
339
00:14:37,438 --> 00:14:41,386
And sometimes the truth hurts.
But it must be accepted.
340
00:14:41,387 --> 00:14:43,311
Like if I told you
that you're using
341
00:14:43,312 --> 00:14:45,330
a wrong color foundation
for your skin,
342
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:48,397
and it ends at your neck
making you look like a party clown.
343
00:14:48,398 --> 00:14:50,081
Okay.
Ouch. Noted.
344
00:14:50,082 --> 00:14:53,812
But the fact remains if you impose
Gazorpazorp's laws on earth
345
00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:57,547
you're no better than the men
whose farts shall remain unspoken
346
00:14:57,548 --> 00:15:01,741
And if you think my top is cute,
you cannot execute.
347
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:05,749
Very well. Give the earth people
spacecraft
348
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,985
so they may head
back to their weird planet
349
00:15:07,986 --> 00:15:10,521
where women are kind of equal,
but not really.
350
00:15:10,522 --> 00:15:12,440
Good job, Summer,
and thanks girls.
351
00:15:12,441 --> 00:15:13,956
You girls are really...
352
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:15,402
something, I tell you that.
353
00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:17,469
You know,
when we first got here
354
00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:19,406
- I was like...
- Give them a ship, now.
355
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,732
Morty Jr.! Smoking?!
356
00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:24,030
That is not okay!
357
00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,354
What are you gonna
do, ground me?
358
00:15:25,355 --> 00:15:26,851
I can't go outside anyway!
359
00:15:26,852 --> 00:15:29,288
So what? You could
do things inside.
360
00:15:29,289 --> 00:15:31,618
You could play guitar,
you could masturbate...
361
00:15:31,619 --> 00:15:34,240
I don't wanna masturbate,
I wanna conquer the planet!
362
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:35,412
Oh, here we go again!
363
00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:37,193
Who do you think
is gonna love you
364
00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:39,217
if you conquer the
planet Morty Jr.?
365
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:40,999
Love.
That's all you care about.
366
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,653
What about weapons? What about
domination of the enemy?
367
00:15:43,654 --> 00:15:45,453
Alright, that's it, no
more History Chanel!
368
00:15:45,454 --> 00:15:48,098
This TV is for cartoons
and video games only!
369
00:15:48,099 --> 00:15:49,718
I hate video games!
370
00:15:49,719 --> 00:15:51,372
You take that back!
371
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,566
Give it to me!
372
00:15:56,047 --> 00:15:57,407
I didn't mean!
I didn't mean that!
373
00:15:57,408 --> 00:15:58,834
I didn't mean to do that!
I'm sorry!
374
00:15:58,835 --> 00:16:00,377
I can't take this anymore!
375
00:16:00,378 --> 00:16:02,837
I'd rather breath poison than
living another minute with you!
376
00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:04,473
No! No, no, no! Stop!
377
00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:12,493
My life has been a lie!
378
00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:14,298
God is dead!
The government's lame!
379
00:16:14,299 --> 00:16:16,139
Thanksgiving is about
killing Indians!
380
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,320
Jesus wasn't born on Christmas,
they moved the date,
381
00:16:18,321 --> 00:16:19,940
it was a pagan holiday!
382
00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:21,826
- Oh, Dad!
- Yes, Morty?
383
00:16:21,827 --> 00:16:23,714
My son is gonna
take over the planet,
384
00:16:23,715 --> 00:16:25,199
and I am too young to drive.
385
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,544
Can you help me get him back?
386
00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:30,486
I suppose, Morty.
I suppose.
387
00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:36,026
But first a deep sip from a very
tall glass of "I told you so".
388
00:16:41,037 --> 00:16:43,197
Oh my god, please Dad,
come on!
389
00:17:29,271 --> 00:17:30,994
Dad, there he is!
390
00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:35,133
Oh God.
Hey stop that!
391
00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:36,976
Oh my god, oh my god, Dad!
392
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,830
Morty Jr., no!
393
00:17:39,831 --> 00:17:41,764
It's me.
It's Dad.
394
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,999
It's okay.
395
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,656
Put the car down Morty Jr.
396
00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:46,611
No!
397
00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:49,917
Where's your hands?
Where's your hands?
398
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:52,755
My car!
399
00:17:52,756 --> 00:17:56,340
♪ And that's how we play
handy hands. ♪
400
00:17:57,364 --> 00:17:59,025
- Out of the way, Morty!
- No!
401
00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:00,900
Morty, that's one of
the most violently
402
00:18:00,926 --> 00:18:02,659
aggressive creature
in the universe.
403
00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:04,156
He's my son!
404
00:18:04,157 --> 00:18:07,264
And if you hurt him,
you have to kill me, Rick!
405
00:18:12,797 --> 00:18:16,078
Dad, I'm so confused.
406
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,190
I know Morty Jr.
I'm sorry.
407
00:18:18,191 --> 00:18:20,102
I ended up lying to you
and yelling at you
408
00:18:20,103 --> 00:18:21,784
just like my
parents did to me.
409
00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:24,374
You know parents are just
kids having kids.
410
00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:27,094
One minute you like how
a shiny robot looks,
411
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:30,900
the next minute you're in
a fist fight with your alien son.
412
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,295
I'm an alien?
413
00:18:32,296 --> 00:18:34,886
We all have bad impulses,
bad thoughts.
414
00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:37,935
We just have to learn to channel them
into something constructive.
415
00:18:37,936 --> 00:18:40,671
But I want to murder
everyone I see.
416
00:18:40,672 --> 00:18:43,864
Well you know, maybe there is a job
out there for people that feel that way.
417
00:18:43,865 --> 00:18:45,571
Actually, there is.
418
00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,012
Hi, I'm Brad Anderson.
419
00:18:47,013 --> 00:18:49,622
Creator of the nationally syndicated
comic strip "Marmaduke".
420
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:52,137
You should consider
being a creative.
421
00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:53,875
I'm hunted by
uncontrollable thoughts
422
00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:57,090
of mutilation and sexual assaults
on a nearly daily basis.
423
00:18:57,091 --> 00:18:59,685
But you know? I channeled
it all into my work.
424
00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:03,604
I never got that impression
from reading Marmaduke.
425
00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:06,355
Well, did you get the impression
I was trying to make you laugh?
426
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,690
Tell me that wasn't
Brad Anderson.
427
00:19:11,327 --> 00:19:12,898
See, you hear that, Morty Jr.?
428
00:19:12,899 --> 00:19:15,050
Maybe you could try being
a creative of some kind.
429
00:19:15,051 --> 00:19:17,253
Maybe? I always
have sort of wanted
430
00:19:17,254 --> 00:19:19,342
to see my face on the
back of a novel.
431
00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:22,356
I mean what I really wanna do
is slit people's throat,
432
00:19:22,357 --> 00:19:23,727
but, beyond that.
433
00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:25,239
I know you can do it, son.
434
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,265
I think it's time
I get a place of my own.
435
00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:31,029
I promise I call you every day
I need money
436
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:33,116
or a place to do laundry.
437
00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:43,224
So, I assume this novel
your son writes
438
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,229
is gonna pay for my rear Axel?
439
00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:50,043
Isn't it interesting Summer,
that after all that stuff we just did
440
00:19:50,044 --> 00:19:52,390
nothing really mattered,
there was no point to it.
441
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,126
Kind of makes you wonder, huh?
442
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,212
- About nothing
- Are you sure it doesn't make
443
00:19:56,213 --> 00:19:59,149
you re-evaluate your policy
about taking girls on adventure?
444
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:01,184
No I'd say given
what we've been through,
445
00:20:01,185 --> 00:20:03,551
that I was right the whole time,
and any epiphanies
446
00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:06,821
about gender politics were
projection of your feminine insecurity.
447
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:09,159
But hey, why don't you
have pink spaceship?
448
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,626
Go ride around,
and have a jolly old time.
449
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:12,764
Maybe that'll shut you up.
450
00:20:12,765 --> 00:20:15,137
Dad? Summer? Where were you
guys this whole time?
451
00:20:15,138 --> 00:20:16,980
On Gazorpazorp.
Where were you?
452
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,277
I was reading a newspaper.
453
00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:20,695
Oh, that's interesting, Beth.
You know it's funny...
454
00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:23,000
I heard about a little bit
of news, myself.
455
00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:24,112
Take a look.
456
00:20:24,427 --> 00:20:25,446
Take a listen.
457
00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:34,447
This world... still got a...
still got a chance!
458
00:20:36,437 --> 00:20:37,842
See you guys next week!
459
00:20:37,843 --> 00:20:39,317
See everybody next week!
460
00:21:09,378 --> 00:21:12,029
Mortimer Smith Jr.
New York Times best selling author.
461
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:14,355
Your book is about innocence,
the definition of it,
462
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,404
and inevitably
its impossibility.
463
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,128
Is it autobiographical?
464
00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:20,073
Certainly.
I mean,
465
00:21:20,074 --> 00:21:22,085
all writing is, in my opinion.
466
00:21:22,086 --> 00:21:23,857
But, my...
467
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,544
My father...
468
00:21:26,545 --> 00:21:29,648
kept me locked in the house
until I was a teenager.
469
00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:33,473
And there was violence and...
470
00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:35,407
threats of poison gas.
471
00:21:36,142 --> 00:21:38,027
- But also dancing.
- But you persevered
472
00:21:38,028 --> 00:21:40,566
and created this masterpiece
from your suffering.
473
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,244
Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel,
474
00:21:42,245 --> 00:21:44,187
"My Horrible Father"
in every store
475
00:21:44,188 --> 00:21:46,894
and on everyone's mind pick
it up, we'll be right back.
476
00:21:47,099 --> 00:21:48,864
It's a thankless job, Morty.
477
00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:50,701
You did the best you could.
478
00:21:50,702 --> 00:21:52,271
I hope he's eating enough.
479
00:21:52,296 --> 00:21:58,296
Subtitles by Ozymandias
Corrections by XhmikosR
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net