1
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Rick: t-t-t-this is just

2
00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:35,369
Sloppy craftsmanship.

3
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,600
Morty: hey, Rick.

4
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,229
Boy, sure is really especially

5
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:39,500
Beautiful out there today, huh?

6
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:40,730
Rick: oh, yes, Morty.

7
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:41,829
I-it's almost unbelievable,

8
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:42,530
Isn't it?

9
00:00:42,549 --> 00:00:43,729
Morty: yeah, you know?

10
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,200
There's something about the air

11
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:46,030
And just the way the sunshine

12
00:00:46,049 --> 00:00:46,869
Is.

13
00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:47,969
Rick: uh, sure, buddy. Yeah.

14
00:00:47,990 --> 00:00:48,469
Sure. B-brilliant.

15
00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:49,530
Very convincing.

16
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,769
Rick: wha convincing?

17
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,199
Morty: oh. Responsive, too.

18
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,229
In real time. I love it.

19
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:54,369
Morty: uhh...okay.

20
00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:55,329
Beth: [ robotic ] i'm going

21
00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:56,130
To work.

22
00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:57,329
Morty, good morning.

23
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:58,670
Dad, good morning.

24
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,469
I am going to work. Goodbye.

25
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,200
Morty: what's with mom?

26
00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:03,530
Rick: oh, what's with mom?

27
00:01:03,549 --> 00:01:04,500
So, you're saying that she's

28
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Acting weird?

29
00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:07,170
How soph[burps]isticated.

30
00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:08,230
Careful, guys.

31
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,170
You're gonna burn out the cpu

32
00:01:09,189 --> 00:01:09,929
With this one.

33
00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:11,000
Morty: okay, you know what,

34
00:01:11,019 --> 00:01:11,700
Rick?

35
00:01:11,719 --> 00:01:12,569
You'reacting weird, too.

36
00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:13,630
Rick: whatever,

37
00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:15,500
Quote-unquote "Morty."

38
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:16,869
Morty: all right, well...

39
00:01:16,890 --> 00:01:18,230
I'll see you after school.

40
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:19,530
Ow! Oof! Ugh!

41
00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:20,599
Damn it!

42
00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:22,600
I'm all right. I'm okay.

43
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,700
Rick: [ slurps ]

44
00:01:24,719 --> 00:01:26,000
All right, who can tell me

45
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,129
What 5 x 9 is?

46
00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,200
[ students whispering ]

47
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:30,129
Morty?

48
00:01:30,150 --> 00:01:31,400
Morty: uh, me?

49
00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:32,769
What is 5 x 9?

50
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:34,700
Morty: umm...you know, it's

51
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,230
Uhh...at least 40.

52
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,129
[ students gasp ]

53
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:38,170
Morty, that's exactly

54
00:01:38,189 --> 00:01:39,429
Correct!

55
00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,170
5 x 9 isat least 40!

56
00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:42,700
Come up here.

57
00:01:42,719 --> 00:01:44,329
Whoo! Way to go, Morty!

58
00:01:44,349 --> 00:01:46,000
Everybody, this is the best

59
00:01:46,019 --> 00:01:46,899
Student.

60
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,170
I want youto be the teacher

61
00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:48,969
Today.

62
00:01:48,989 --> 00:01:49,629
Teach us, Morty!

63
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:50,730
Rick: interesting.

64
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:51,700
Morty: w-w-w-what do you want

65
00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:52,429
Me to teach you?

66
00:01:52,450 --> 00:01:53,370
Ooh, ooh!

67
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:54,469
How do you make concentrated

68
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:55,599
Dark matter?

69
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,230
Oh, that's a good question.

70
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,670
Morty: concentrated huh?

71
00:01:58,689 --> 00:01:59,829
Concentrated dark matter

72
00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:00,969
The fuel for accelerated space

73
00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:02,629
Travel.

74
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:03,400
Now, do you know how to make it?

75
00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:04,100
Morty: umm...

76
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,400
Come on, Morty.

77
00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:06,600
Isn't your grandpa, like, a

78
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:07,700
Scientist?

79
00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:08,800
Morty: oh, yeah, but, you

80
00:02:08,819 --> 00:02:09,969
Know, he told me that i

81
00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,469
Shouldn't go around spouting off

82
00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:12,330
About, you know, his science and

83
00:02:12,349 --> 00:02:13,269
Stuff.

84
00:02:13,289 --> 00:02:14,769
I bet you've seen him make

85
00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:16,500
Concentrated dark matter a lot.

86
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:17,830
You know, if you tell us, i'll

87
00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:19,199
Be your girlfriend.

88
00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:20,330
Morty: uh, y-you will?

89
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:21,299
Seems like a rare

90
00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:22,930
Opportunity, Morty.

91
00:02:22,949 --> 00:02:23,669
[ blam! ]

92
00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:24,800
Rick: Morty, u-uh, come on.

93
00:02:24,819 --> 00:02:25,799
There's a family emergency.

94
00:02:25,819 --> 00:02:26,969
Stop right there!

95
00:02:26,990 --> 00:02:27,530
If he leaves, i'm giving him an

96
00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:28,430
"f."

97
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,229
Rick: he doesn't care.

98
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:29,870
Morty: aw, man!

99
00:02:29,889 --> 00:02:31,269
Rick, i have to go back!

100
00:02:31,289 --> 00:02:32,129
I think i was about to get

101
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:32,530
Married!

102
00:02:32,550 --> 00:02:33,469
Ugh!

103
00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:34,070
Rick: take a shower with me,

104
00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:34,530
Morty.

105
00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:35,570
Morty: what?!

106
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:36,770
Rick: listen to me, Morty.

107
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:37,799
Get your clothes off and get in

108
00:02:37,819 --> 00:02:38,829
The shower right now.

109
00:02:38,849 --> 00:02:39,569
Y-y-y-you got to trust me,

110
00:02:39,590 --> 00:02:40,300
Morty.

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00:02:40,319 --> 00:02:41,000
Morty: ugh!

112
00:02:41,020 --> 00:02:41,930
I'm gonna get an "f" in class,

113
00:02:41,949 --> 00:02:42,569
Rick.

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00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:43,400
Rick: Morty, that's not

115
00:02:43,419 --> 00:02:44,369
Class.

116
00:02:44,389 --> 00:02:45,569
T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher.

117
00:02:45,590 --> 00:02:46,599
This isn't your school.

118
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:47,270
This entire world is not the

119
00:02:47,289 --> 00:02:48,000
World.

120
00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:49,330
We're inside a huge simulation

121
00:02:49,349 --> 00:02:50,400
Chamber on an alien spaceship.

122
00:02:50,419 --> 00:02:51,500
Morty: wait a minute.

123
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,630
W-what are you talking about?

124
00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:53,599
Rick: it's all fake [burps]

125
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,000
Morty all of it.

126
00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,900
Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of

127
00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,669
Crazy fake nonsense, Morty.

128
00:02:58,689 --> 00:02:59,530
I couldn't say so until we got

129
00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:00,530
In the shower.

130
00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:01,670
They won't monitor us in here.

131
00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:03,300
Morty: monitor us?! W-who?!

132
00:03:03,319 --> 00:03:04,629
Rick: zigerion scammers,

133
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:06,069
Morty the galaxy's most

134
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Ambitious, least successful con

135
00:03:07,389 --> 00:03:08,369
Artists.

136
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,329
You know, it's lucky for us

137
00:03:09,349 --> 00:03:10,329
They're also really

138
00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:11,469
Uncomfortable with nudity.

139
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:12,600
Morty: aw, come on, Rick.

140
00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,700
If everyone's just gonna be

141
00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:14,669
Insane today, at least let me be

142
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:15,699
Insane with jessica.

143
00:03:15,719 --> 00:03:16,599
Rick: i can't [burps] let you

144
00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:17,469
Do that, Morty.

145
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,400
Morty: give it to me!

146
00:03:18,419 --> 00:03:19,169
Rick: no! [ burps ]

147
00:03:19,189 --> 00:03:20,000
You give it to me!

148
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,000
Morty: g-g-give it! No, Rick!

149
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,229
[ aliens groaning ]

150
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,229
Oh, god, sir!

151
00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,129
They're still naked!

152
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:32,930
Ugh.

153
00:03:32,949 --> 00:03:34,569
Well, check every five quintons

154
00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,030
And tell me when they're not.

155
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,300
I think we should make kevin

156
00:03:37,319 --> 00:03:38,099
Look, sir.

157
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,030
What?! No!

158
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,730
W-w-why would you even say that?

159
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,030
Uh, sir, we have a situation

160
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:42,900
Over here.

161
00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:44,569
If there's a wiener on that

162
00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:46,030
Monitor, i swear to god, stu...

163
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,500
Something is drawing a lot of

164
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:48,530
Processing power.

165
00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:49,730
Oh, wait. No wonder.

166
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:51,099
There's another real human in

167
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,400
The simulator.

168
00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:53,629
Jerry: okay, Jerry big

169
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,629
Pitch meeting.

170
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:55,670
Make-or-break time.

171
00:03:55,689 --> 00:03:56,500
[ whirrin]

172
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,700
You can do this.

173
00:03:57,719 --> 00:03:58,599
How did this happen?!

174
00:03:58,620 --> 00:03:59,330
Where's the abductions

175
00:03:59,349 --> 00:04:00,000
Department?

176
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,570
Hey, man, abductions just

177
00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:02,729
Follows the acquisition order.

178
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:03,629
Don't put this on

179
00:04:03,650 --> 00:04:04,599
Acquisitions!

180
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,900
We only acquire humans that

181
00:04:05,919 --> 00:04:07,000
Haven'tbeen simulated!

182
00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:08,430
Well, simulations doesn't

183
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,000
Simulate anybody that's been

184
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,330
Abducted, so [chuckles]

185
00:04:11,349 --> 00:04:12,329
Oh, i see! Oh, oh!

186
00:04:12,349 --> 00:04:13,469
It was no one's fault.

187
00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:14,300
Oh, okay. [ chuckles ]

188
00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:15,099
I'm sorry.

189
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,300
Well, then, problem solved.

190
00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:17,129
Oh, wait no.

191
00:04:17,149 --> 00:04:18,469
There's still another human in

192
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,100
Here!

193
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,329
Who is he?

194
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,330
Rick's son-in-law,

195
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:22,470
Jerry smith.

196
00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:23,730
So far, he hasn't noticed he's

197
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:24,670
In a simulation.

198
00:04:24,689 --> 00:04:25,569
[ sighs ]

199
00:04:25,589 --> 00:04:26,829
Well, cap his sector at 5%

200
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,100
Processing, keep his settings on

201
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,069
Auto, and we'll deal with him

202
00:04:29,089 --> 00:04:29,769
Later.

203
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,500
Rick sanchez is the target.

204
00:04:33,949 --> 00:04:34,800
Jerry: [ inhales deeply ]

205
00:04:34,819 --> 00:04:35,769
Got to relax.

206
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,170
It's just a pitch.

207
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:37,699
Got to relax.

208
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,600
[ click ]

209
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:39,699
[ static ]

210
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,030
This is earth radio.

211
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,530
And now, here's...human music.

212
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:47,370
[ repetitive rhythmic beepin]

213
00:04:47,389 --> 00:04:49,300
Jerry: hmm. Human music.

214
00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:51,069
I like it.

215
00:04:51,089 --> 00:04:52,599
[ beeping continue]

216
00:05:01,819 --> 00:05:04,899
[ Rick and Morty panting ]

217
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:05,770
Morty: Rick!

218
00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:06,870
Rick: uhp, uhp, uhp!

219
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:07,699
Morty, keep your hands off your

220
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,630
Ding-dong!

221
00:05:08,649 --> 00:05:09,500
It's the only way we can speak

222
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,099
Freely.

223
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,230
Look around you, Morty.

224
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:12,430
Do you really think this [burps]

225
00:05:12,449 --> 00:05:13,500
World is real?

226
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:14,769
You'd have to be an idiot not to

227
00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:16,000
Notice all the sloppy details.

228
00:05:16,019 --> 00:05:17,069
Look that guy's putting a bun

229
00:05:17,089 --> 00:05:18,169
Between two hot dogs.

230
00:05:18,189 --> 00:05:19,569
Morty: i don't know, Rick.

231
00:05:19,589 --> 00:05:20,329
I mean, i've seen people do that

232
00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:21,070
Before.

233
00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:21,699
Rick: well, look at that old

234
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,630
Lady.

235
00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:23,329
She's she's walking a cat on

236
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:24,070
A leash.

237
00:05:24,089 --> 00:05:25,099
Morty: uh, mrs. Spencer does

238
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,170
That all the time, Rick.

239
00:05:26,189 --> 00:05:27,430
Rick: look, i-i-i don't want

240
00:05:27,449 --> 00:05:28,069
To hear about mrs. Spencer,

241
00:05:28,089 --> 00:05:28,529
Morty!

242
00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:29,500
She's an idiot!

243
00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:30,729
All right, all right, there.

244
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:31,899
W-what about that, Morty?

245
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:32,900
Morty: okay, okay, you got me

246
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:33,870
On that one.

247
00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:34,870
Rick: oh, really,Morty?

248
00:05:34,889 --> 00:05:35,829
Are you sure you haven't seen

249
00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:36,500
That somewhere in real life

250
00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:37,000
Before?

251
00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:37,769
Morty: no, no.

252
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:38,830
I haven't seen that.

253
00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,129
I mean, why would a pop tart

254
00:05:40,149 --> 00:05:41,229
Want to live inside a toaster,

255
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,000
Rick?

256
00:05:42,019 --> 00:05:43,229
I mean, that would be, like, the

257
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,670
Scariest place for them to live.

258
00:05:44,689 --> 00:05:45,600
You know what i mean?

259
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:46,329
Rick: you're missing the

260
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,000
Point, Morty.

261
00:05:47,019 --> 00:05:47,870
Why would he drive a smaller

262
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:48,899
Toaster with wheels?

263
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,500
I mean, does your car look like

264
00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:51,430
A smaller version of your house?

265
00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:52,199
No.

266
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:52,770
Morty: so, why are they doing

267
00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:53,530
This?

268
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:54,500
W-what do they want?

269
00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:55,669
Rick: well, that would be

270
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:56,670
Obvious to you, Morty, if you'd

271
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,469
Been paying attention.

272
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:58,829
[ siren wails ]

273
00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,870
[ tires screech ]

274
00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:01,129
We got the president of the

275
00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:02,500
United states in here!

276
00:06:02,519 --> 00:06:03,799
We need 10cc of concentrated

277
00:06:03,819 --> 00:06:05,529
Dark matter, stat, or he'll die!

278
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:06,230
Morty: concentrated dark

279
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:06,930
Matter?

280
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:07,699
They were asking about that in

281
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:08,600
Class.

282
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,629
Rick: yeah, it's a special

283
00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:10,669
Fuel i invented to travel

284
00:06:10,689 --> 00:06:11,469
Through space faster than

285
00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:12,170
Anybody else.

286
00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:13,500
These zigerions are always

287
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:14,669
Trying to scam me out of my

288
00:06:14,689 --> 00:06:15,800
Secrets, but they made a big

289
00:06:15,819 --> 00:06:17,000
Mistake this time, Morty.

290
00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,099
They dragged youinto this.

291
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,170
Now they're gonna pay!

292
00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:20,529
Morty: what do you

293
00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,829
W-w-what are we gonna do?

294
00:06:21,850 --> 00:06:22,700
Rick: we'll scam the

295
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:23,730
Scammers, Morty.

296
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,800
And we're gonna take them for

297
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:26,269
Everything they've got.

298
00:06:26,290 --> 00:06:28,170
Jerry: national apple farmers

299
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:30,399
Of america, welcome to our ad

300
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:30,970
Agency.

301
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:32,329
I'm Jerry smith.

302
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,200
All right.

303
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,030
I'll just...get to the pitch.

304
00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:39,270
Um, simple question, gentlemen,

305
00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:40,830
[ hoarsely ] what are apples?

306
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,629
[ clears throat ] excuse me.

307
00:06:42,649 --> 00:06:44,029
Ahh.

308
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,930
[ coughs, clears throat ]

309
00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:48,699
What are apples?

310
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,000
Apples are food.

311
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,029
And...when do we need food?

312
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,370
When we're hungry.

313
00:06:56,189 --> 00:06:58,230
With that, i give you your new

314
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,899
Slogan!

315
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,430
[ sighs ]

316
00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:02,729
Well, say something!

317
00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:03,699
Do you like it?

318
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,630
Yes.

319
00:07:04,649 --> 00:07:05,699
Jerry: you do?

320
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:06,930
All: yes.

321
00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:09,099
Jerry: so...i sold it?

322
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:10,829
[ laughs ] i sold the idea?

323
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:12,000
All: yes.

324
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:13,729
Jerry: oh, my god! Thank you!

325
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,370
Together: thank you.

326
00:07:15,389 --> 00:07:17,569
You're welcome.

327
00:07:17,589 --> 00:07:20,829
[ "baker street" plays ]

328
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:22,200
Jerry: hey!

329
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,870
I just sold my first pitch!

330
00:07:23,889 --> 00:07:24,569
[ dialing ]

331
00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:25,399
Slow down!

332
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:25,930
Lookin' good.

333
00:07:25,949 --> 00:07:27,329
My man!

334
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:30,000
[ beeping, telephone ringing ]

335
00:07:30,019 --> 00:07:31,169
Robot Beth: hello.

336
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:32,500
Jerry: guess who just sold

337
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,699
The apples campaign.

338
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,830
Robot Beth: who just sold the

339
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,700
Apples campaign?

340
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,730
Jerry: me!

341
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:38,529
I guess it wasn't a rip-off of

342
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,970
"got milk?" after all.

343
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:40,930
Guess someonewas wrong.

344
00:07:40,949 --> 00:07:42,029
Robot Beth: yes.

345
00:07:42,050 --> 00:07:43,300
Jerry: well, all is forgiven,

346
00:07:43,319 --> 00:07:44,569
Because right now, i've got an

347
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,729
Erection the size of an

348
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,029
East coast lighthouse, and i'm

349
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,030
Coming home to share it with my

350
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:48,829
Beautiful wife.

351
00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:49,770
Robot Beth: okay.

352
00:07:49,790 --> 00:07:50,600
Jerry: wait really?

353
00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:51,329
Robot Beth: yes.

354
00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:51,930
Jerry: yes!

355
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:52,800
See you in 10 minutes!

356
00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:53,370
[ cellphone beeps ]

357
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,229
Hey!

358
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:55,569
I'm going to make love to my

359
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:56,099
Wife!

360
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,030
Lookin' good.

361
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:57,770
Slow down!

362
00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:58,530
My man!

363
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:00,770
[ beeping ]

364
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:01,970
Morty: aw, geez, Rick.

365
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:03,000
I-i don't know if i like this

366
00:08:03,019 --> 00:08:04,099
Plan, you know?

367
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,670
I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have

368
00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:07,329
A tendency to make me really

369
00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:07,900
Nervous.

370
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,900
Rick: Morty, relax.

371
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:09,900
It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s

372
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:10,770
Out there.

373
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:11,830
You're gonna be fine.

374
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,200
Just follow my lead.

375
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,770
Yo, deejay, drop that beat.

376
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,770
[ hip-hop beat plays ]

377
00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:17,530
[ cheers and applause ]

378
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,730
Uh-oh, Morty.

379
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,730
This crowd looks too small for

380
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,430
One of ourfamous rap concerts.

381
00:08:22,449 --> 00:08:23,969
I don't think we can perform our

382
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:25,230
New song, "the recipe for

383
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:26,500
Concentrated dark matter," for a

384
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:27,669
Crowd this tiny.

385
00:08:27,689 --> 00:08:28,500
Morty: you got that right,

386
00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:29,129
Rick.

387
00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:32,199
[ cheers and applause ]

388
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,529
Rick: now that's [burps]

389
00:08:33,549 --> 00:08:34,199
More like it!

390
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:35,769
Morty, here we go.

391
00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,169
Let me hear everybody say

392
00:08:37,190 --> 00:08:38,830
"hey-oh!" yeah!

393
00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,200
[ crowd cheering ]

394
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,899
All the ladies say, "yeah!"

395
00:08:41,919 --> 00:08:43,029
[ ladies cheering ]

396
00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:44,429
Everybody over 30, do this with

397
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:45,400
Your hands!

398
00:08:45,419 --> 00:08:46,870
Everybody with a red shirt, jump

399
00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:48,669
Up and down!

400
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,530
[ beeping ]

401
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,129
[ tires screech ]

402
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,100
Jerry: mm. Mm. Mm.

403
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,570
Yeah, don't move.

404
00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:04,670
Mm, mm, mm, mm!

405
00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:06,030
Mm!

406
00:09:06,049 --> 00:09:06,929
[ cheers and applause ]

407
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,930
Rick: yo, everyone whose

408
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:09,200
First name begins with an "l"

409
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,500
Who isn't hispanic, walk in a

410
00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:11,970
Circle the same number of times

411
00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:12,930
As the square root of your age

412
00:09:12,950 --> 00:09:14,470
Times 10!

413
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:17,000
[ beeping ]

414
00:09:17,019 --> 00:09:18,230
Run, Morty!

415
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,169
Before the system reboots!

416
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:21,300
[ squeaking ]

417
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,930
Jerry: yeah! You like that?

418
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:24,129
Now who's unremarkable?

419
00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:25,399
You hungry for apples?

420
00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:26,969
[ squeaking intensifies ]

421
00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,299
Are you hungry...for...apples?!

422
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,700
[ squeaking stops ]

423
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,000
[ sighs deeply ]

424
00:09:33,019 --> 00:09:34,169
[ chuckles ]

425
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,130
Oh, my god.

426
00:09:36,149 --> 00:09:38,000
That's the best sex i've ever

427
00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,029
Had in my life.

428
00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:43,729
It's...it's...too good.

429
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,070
I don't deserve this, Beth.

430
00:09:46,090 --> 00:09:47,700
I'm a fraud.

431
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,800
Morty: oh, man, Rick!

432
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:49,970
W-w-w-where we running to?

433
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:50,730
Rick: out of the simulation,

434
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:51,470
Morty.

435
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:52,730
Normally, the chamber operates

436
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,830
Like a treadmill, with the

437
00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:55,000
Virtual world disappearing

438
00:09:55,019 --> 00:09:56,129
Behind us and being rendered in

439
00:09:56,149 --> 00:09:57,299
Front of us as we move through

440
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,670
It, but while it's frozen,

441
00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,630
Morty, we can get to...

442
00:10:00,649 --> 00:10:01,899
The edge.

443
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:02,870
Here we go.

444
00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:04,100
Morty: holy crap!

445
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,129
Rick: come on, Morty.

446
00:10:05,149 --> 00:10:06,730
Morty: [ grunts ]

447
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:08,870
Sir, they're over the edge.

448
00:10:08,889 --> 00:10:10,199
Yes, they are.

449
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,070
Just...as...planned.

450
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:16,769
[ evil laughter ]

451
00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:17,769
Oh, this is going to be such a

452
00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:18,429
Mind [bleep]

453
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,299
Rick: keep your eyes peeled

454
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:23,070
For the central processing room,

455
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:23,769
Morty.

456
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:24,669
That's how we're gonna scam

457
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,600
These idiots.

458
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:26,629
Morty: so, hey, why do these

459
00:10:26,649 --> 00:10:27,730
Aliens keep coming after you,

460
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:28,429
Rick, if you're so much smarter

461
00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:29,300
Than them?

462
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,230
Rick: it's an obsession for

463
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:31,200
Them at this point.

464
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:32,570
The zi[burps]gerions have been

465
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,530
Trying to outsmart me for years,

466
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:34,500
Morty.

467
00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:35,629
Every time they do, i'm one step

468
00:10:35,649 --> 00:10:36,269
Ahead of them.

469
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,230
Aha!

470
00:10:37,250 --> 00:10:39,769
Here we go.

471
00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:40,730
Grab as many processors as you

472
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:41,799
Can carry, Morty.

473
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,200
These guys aren't good at much,

474
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,100
But they're reallygood at

475
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,570
Making these chips.

476
00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:47,670
Morty: i've got so many, i

477
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:48,470
Can barely hold them all.

478
00:10:48,490 --> 00:10:49,430
[ chuckles ]

479
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,470
Look at look at this.

480
00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:51,629
Oops. I dropped one.

481
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:52,299
Rick: don't worry about it,

482
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,170
Morty.

483
00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:53,970
There's plenty of them, you

484
00:10:53,990 --> 00:10:54,470
Little goofball.

485
00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:56,600
[ both laugh ]

486
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:57,570
Come here, Morty! Oh, i gotcha!

487
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,129
Morty: come on, quit it,

488
00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:58,629
Rick!

489
00:10:58,649 --> 00:10:59,600
Quit it! [ laughs ]

490
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:00,730
Rick: nothing wrong with just

491
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:01,769
A little bit of horseplay every

492
00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,929
Now and then, little fella.

493
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,100
[ glass shatters ]

494
00:11:14,889 --> 00:11:16,370
Morty: wow. What do you know?

495
00:11:16,389 --> 00:11:17,629
Huh. That was easy.

496
00:11:17,649 --> 00:11:20,299
Rick: totes malotes, dawg.

497
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,100
Morty: just kind of hard to

498
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:21,799
Believe, you know?

499
00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:22,830
Rick: believe it, Morty.

500
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,399
And once again, i'm flying away

501
00:11:24,419 --> 00:11:25,799
With everything i can carry, and

502
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:26,930
The zigerions got nothing of

503
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,300
Mine.

504
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,699
Jerry: [ sighs ]

505
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,269
Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a...

506
00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:36,599
Minute to talk?

507
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:37,769
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

508
00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:39,569
Jerry: look, i'm a fraud.

509
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:40,870
I mean, let's face it

510
00:11:40,889 --> 00:11:42,370
"hungry for apples" is just a

511
00:11:42,389 --> 00:11:43,529
Rip-off of "got milk?"

512
00:11:43,549 --> 00:11:44,729
It's almost identical.

513
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,200
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

514
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,269
Jerry: [ sighs ] okay.

515
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,969
I deserve that.

516
00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:51,370
Umm...i guess...i'll just pack

517
00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:52,299
Up my desk.

518
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,370
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

519
00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:56,330
Jerry: [ crying ]

520
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:59,269
[ sobbing ] oh, my god.

521
00:11:59,289 --> 00:12:01,730
Wait. You know what?! No!

522
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,370
The milk people don't have a

523
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,399
Patent on simple rhetorical

524
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,500
Questions!

525
00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:07,000
There's not even a single word

526
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,470
In "hungry for apples" that's

527
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:09,700
Shared by "got milk?"

528
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,129
It's a completely different

529
00:12:11,149 --> 00:12:11,769
Slogan.

530
00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:13,529
It's different!

531
00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:15,299
And i shouldn't be fired.

532
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:16,629
I should be promoted!

533
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:17,299
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

534
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:17,730
Jerry: yeah!

535
00:12:17,750 --> 00:12:18,600
Wait. Really?

536
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,399
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

537
00:12:19,419 --> 00:12:20,299
Jerry: yes!

538
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,400
I mean, i'm it may be

539
00:12:21,419 --> 00:12:22,569
Derivative, but it's the most

540
00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,800
Successful campaign to come out

541
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,830
Of thagency in a long time.

542
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:25,899
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

543
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,969
Jerry: i-i'm not saying it

544
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,000
Should win an award for

545
00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:29,370
Commercials, but it could

546
00:12:29,389 --> 00:12:30,399
Certainly be nominatedfor an

547
00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:31,370
Award for commercials

548
00:12:31,389 --> 00:12:32,669
Specifically about apples,

549
00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:33,830
Like...an appley or something.

550
00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:34,700
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

551
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:35,529
Jerry: is there really an

552
00:12:35,549 --> 00:12:36,399
Award called the appley for

553
00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:37,269
Apple-related ad campaigns?

554
00:12:37,289 --> 00:12:38,029
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

555
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:38,829
Jerry: could we nominate me?

556
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:39,570
[ snaps fingers ] yes.

557
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,430
Jerry: holy crap!

558
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,230
[ beeping ]

559
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:48,970
Rick: get in, Morty.

560
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,500
I'm gonna [burps] be able to use

561
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,730
These processors to make some

562
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,230
Real important science stuff.

563
00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,000
[ keypad beeping ]

564
00:12:56,019 --> 00:12:56,899
Huh.

565
00:12:56,919 --> 00:12:57,969
I thought i entered the code

566
00:12:57,990 --> 00:12:58,500
Right.

567
00:12:58,519 --> 00:12:59,929
[ keypad beeping ]

568
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,730
Wha well, what's this?

569
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,799
W-what could this possibly be?

570
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,330
Because it looks like you're

571
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:13,899
Inside a simulation...

572
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:16,399
Inside a simulation.

573
00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,029
You're still on the ship.

574
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,529
Game-day bucket go boom.

575
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,829
Sir, the, uh, doctor's

576
00:13:20,850 --> 00:13:22,399
Appointment to examine the

577
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:23,529
Discoloration on your butthole

578
00:13:23,549 --> 00:13:24,500
Flaps was

579
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:25,730
Too loud, cynthia.

580
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:26,899
Too loud and too specific.

581
00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:27,829
Rick: uhh...

582
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:28,870
[ chuckles ]

583
00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:30,129
We've known how to make

584
00:13:30,149 --> 00:13:31,470
Concentrated dark matter for a

585
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,700
Long time.

586
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,870
But now we alsoknow the code to

587
00:13:36,889 --> 00:13:38,970
Your fabled safe, Rick sanchez!

588
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:40,930
All your most valuable secrets

589
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:41,930
Will now be ours!

590
00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:43,070
Rick: uh, yeah, until i get

591
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,330
Home before you and change the

592
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,029
Combination, you bunch of

593
00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:45,699
Idiots!

594
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:46,529
That is why you're never

595
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:47,129
Getting home.

596
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:49,269
Get them!

597
00:13:49,289 --> 00:13:50,469
Rick: [ grunts ]

598
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,500
[ aliens shouting, groaning ]

599
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:52,730
Run, Morty!

600
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,269
[ both panting ]

601
00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:03,500
Morty: oh, my god!

602
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,000
[ beep, click ]

603
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:17,600
[ mechanical breathing ]

604
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,299
Ow!

605
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,870
[ click, whoosh ]

606
00:14:26,889 --> 00:14:28,330
[ aliens screaming ]

607
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,170
[ both panting ]

608
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,570
Jerry: i got to tell you,

609
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:32,670
This morning, i didn't even know

610
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,600
This award existed.

611
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,429
Now i'm holdingone.

612
00:14:34,450 --> 00:14:37,000
And...um...

613
00:14:37,019 --> 00:14:39,000
Look, i want to say that today

614
00:14:39,019 --> 00:14:41,529
Was the best day of my life...

615
00:14:41,549 --> 00:14:43,129
But...the truth is, it's it's

616
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,529
More meaningful than that.

617
00:14:44,549 --> 00:14:45,699
My man!

618
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,800
Jerry: yes. Thank you, sir.

619
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,129
[ sighs deeply ]

620
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:52,769
I...am...finally complete!

621
00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:54,599
[ beeping ]

622
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,129
My my my my man!

623
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,700
Jerry: aah!

624
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,629
What the hell?!

625
00:15:04,649 --> 00:15:07,329
[ beeping ]

626
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:07,800
No.

627
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,530
Rick: Jerry?!

628
00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:09,529
Morty: dad!

629
00:15:09,549 --> 00:15:10,229
Rick: what are you doing

630
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:10,899
Here?

631
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:11,699
W-why are you dressed like a

632
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,600
Waiter?

633
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,399
Screw it. We don't have time.

634
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:14,069
Come on.

635
00:15:14,090 --> 00:15:16,200
Jerry: [ sobbing ] no!

636
00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:23,399
[ alarm blaring ]

637
00:15:23,419 --> 00:15:24,229
Rick: ohhhhh!

638
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:27,870
[ beeping ]

639
00:15:27,889 --> 00:15:29,429
Jerry: aah!

640
00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,100
All: yes! Yes! Yes!

641
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,029
Oof!

642
00:16:01,049 --> 00:16:02,769
Rick: man up, Jerry!

643
00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:03,469
I may need you to work the

644
00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:03,870
Lasers.

645
00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,470
[ beeping ]

646
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:07,970
[ slurps ]

647
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:08,830
[ gasps ]

648
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,399
[ alarm blaring ]

649
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:17,330
Morty: oh, man!

650
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:18,700
They're hot on our tail, Rick!

651
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:19,800
Rick: i guess they really do

652
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:20,730
Have concentrated dark matter.

653
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:21,600
Morty: well, you know how to

654
00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:22,330
Make it, too, right, Rick?

655
00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:23,600
Rick: yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

656
00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:24,769
Uh, check the engine room.

657
00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:26,099
We just need cesium, plutonic

658
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,470
Quarks, and bottled water.

659
00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,700
Morty: it's all here, Rick!

660
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:31,529
Rick: wow, Morty.

661
00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:32,129
Lucky break.

662
00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:33,299
Grab that bucket.

663
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,430
Okay, two parts plutonic quarks,

664
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,570
One part cesium.

665
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,870
Morty: okay. Uh-huh.

666
00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:40,000
[ fizzing ]

667
00:16:40,019 --> 00:16:40,829
All right.

668
00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:41,899
Rick: now empty the water

669
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,029
Bottle into the bucket and pour

670
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:44,599
It all into the fuel tank so we

671
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:45,899
Can get the hell out of here!

672
00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:46,929
What are you doing, Morty?!

673
00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:47,730
There's no time!

674
00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,399
[ beeping ]

675
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:54,570
Morty: [ stammering ]

676
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,030
Rick: oh, no.

677
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,029
Jerry: what the

678
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:57,899
Rick: no!

679
00:16:57,919 --> 00:17:00,129
[ laughter ]

680
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,970
Oh, my god, Rick.

681
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,170
How dumb are you?

682
00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:10,130
You're inside a simulation...

683
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,930
Of a simulation...

684
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:14,370
Inside another giant simulation!

685
00:17:14,390 --> 00:17:15,730
[ laughs ]

686
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,269
W-we never had the recipe for

687
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:18,700
Concentrated dark matter.

688
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,200
But we do now!

689
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,600
We do now, sucka!

690
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:22,929
Rick: you simulated my

691
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,370
Grandson's genitalia?!

692
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:25,870
Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons

693
00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:26,970
Of bitches!

694
00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:27,970
Kevin fought real hard to

695
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:29,069
Supervise that project.

696
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:29,899
You said you weren't gonna

697
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,900
Tell anyone!

698
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:31,529
I'm never gonna live this down,

699
00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:32,200
Am i?

700
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,299
Rick: all right. Okay.

701
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:34,369
All right, great. Wonderful.

702
00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:36,170
You win. Can we go home now?

703
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:37,600
I don't know. Canyou?

704
00:17:37,619 --> 00:17:39,099
Ha! Nice.

705
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,699
Okay, okay.

706
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:41,730
Show this gullible turd to his

707
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:42,569
Shuttle.

708
00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:43,869
I'm done with him.

709
00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:44,900
Oh, wait. Let me get a picture.

710
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:45,930
[ shutter clicks ]

711
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:47,029
Aww. Look at his face.

712
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:48,200
He's trying to figure out if

713
00:17:48,220 --> 00:17:49,130
He's in a simulation still.

714
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:50,300
Are you, Rick?

715
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,730
Are you?

716
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:52,769
[ laughs ]

717
00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:54,170
You're not.

718
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:55,799
Or ayou?

719
00:17:58,089 --> 00:17:59,730
Oh, a-and, by the way, i don't

720
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,269
Have discolored butthole flaps.

721
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:02,569
That was part of the simulation.

722
00:18:02,589 --> 00:18:03,299
Oh.

723
00:18:03,319 --> 00:18:04,730
Uh, sir, should i cancel that

724
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,930
Appointment, then?

725
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:07,000
Yeah! Of course you should!

726
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:07,930
[ chuckles ]

727
00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:08,930
No, keep it.

728
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:09,730
Move it up, actually, if you

729
00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:10,599
Can.

730
00:18:15,019 --> 00:18:15,930
Rick: hey, Jerry, don't worry

731
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:16,830
About it.

732
00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:17,969
So what if the most meaningful

733
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:19,130
Day of your life was a

734
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:20,070
Simulation operating at minimum

735
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:21,129
Cap[burps]acity?

736
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:22,500
Jerry: you know what, Rick?

737
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,529
Those guys took youfor a ride,

738
00:18:23,549 --> 00:18:24,299
Too.

739
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,799
You should try having a little

740
00:18:25,819 --> 00:18:27,200
Respect for the dummies of the

741
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:28,370
Universe, now that you're one of

742
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:29,100
Us.

743
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:29,699
Rick: maybe you're right,

744
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,799
Jerry.

745
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:31,769
Maybe you're right.

746
00:18:31,789 --> 00:18:32,700
[ aliens cheering ]

747
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,200
[ dance music plays ]

748
00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,230
All right, everybody.

749
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:39,099
Two parts plutonic quarks...

750
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,669
One part cesium...

751
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:42,970
[ fizzing ]

752
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:44,500
A-and listen, i'm sorry for

753
00:18:44,519 --> 00:18:45,769
Éling earlier.

754
00:18:45,789 --> 00:18:46,899
I-i couldn't ask for a better

755
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,000
Staff.

756
00:18:48,019 --> 00:18:49,869
I love you guys, and i love all

757
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,270
Your families.

758
00:18:51,289 --> 00:18:53,569
And the final ingredient...

759
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,230
Jerry: whoa!

760
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,430
What the hell?!

761
00:18:58,450 --> 00:18:59,470
W-what happened back there?

762
00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:00,829
Rick: why don't you ask the

763
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:01,500
Smartest people in the universe,

764
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:02,900
Jerry?

765
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,269
Oh, yeah. [ burps ] you can't.

766
00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:05,970
They blew up.

767
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:06,829
[ sighs ]

768
00:19:06,849 --> 00:19:07,899
[ beep ]

769
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,930
[ "baker street" play]

770
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,830
[ vocalizing ]

771
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,930
[ vocalizing out of sync ]

772
00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:23,969
[ "baker street" continues ]

773
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,200
Jerry: so...

774
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,529
What do you think?

775
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:50,900
You're fired.

776
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,070
Jerry: wha

777
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,500
But t-this idea was tested in a

778
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,200
State-of-the-art simulation.

779
00:19:55,220 --> 00:19:56,529
Well, then, it was a terrible

780
00:19:56,549 --> 00:19:57,000
Simulation.

781
00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,369
Get out.

782
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:02,030
[ door opens, closes ]

783
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,569
Man, how does a guy like that go

784
00:20:03,589 --> 00:20:05,629
Home and have sex with his wife?

785
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:06,930
Rick: hey, Morty.

786
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:07,870
Morty: what?

787
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:09,030
Rick: hey, little buddy.

788
00:20:09,049 --> 00:20:10,399
H-h-how you doing in here right

789
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,130
Now?

790
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:11,970
Morty: aw, geez, Rick.

791
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,029
What are you doing, man?

792
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:13,629
Rick: y-y-you're a good kid,

793
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,269
Morty.

794
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:15,129
Y-you're a real l-little

795
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:15,930
C-character, Morty.

796
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:16,900
Morty: oh, boy.

797
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,900
Rick: you know, i had a

798
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,670
Really rocky road today,

799
00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:21,000
M-Morty.

800
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:21,769
You're my little friend, aren't

801
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:22,170
You?

802
00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,570
[ sighs ]

803
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:24,799
We had some good times together,

804
00:20:24,819 --> 00:20:25,129
Huh, m-Morty?

805
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:26,070
We

806
00:20:26,089 --> 00:20:27,029
You're a real true hero out in

807
00:20:27,049 --> 00:20:27,730
The fld.

808
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,500
You're a li

809
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,569
You're a real trouper, huh,

810
00:20:29,589 --> 00:20:30,230
M-m-Morty?

811
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:31,130
Morty: have you been

812
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:32,130
Drinking, Rick?

813
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,070
Rick: i really appreciate

814
00:20:33,089 --> 00:20:33,929
You, Morty.

815
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:34,870
Morty: o-okay, cool.

816
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:35,770
A-all right, Rick

817
00:20:35,789 --> 00:20:36,129
Rick: you little son of a

818
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,130
Bitch!

819
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,100
Y-y are you a simulation?!

820
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,069
Huh?! Are you a simulation?!

821
00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,129
Morty: no! No! No!

822
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:41,830
Rick: you little son of a

823
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:42,730
Bitch!

824
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:44,170
Morty: [ gasping ]

825
00:20:44,190 --> 00:20:45,269
Rick: i-i-i'm sorry, Morty.

826
00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:46,099
Y-you're a good

827
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:46,799
You're a good kid, Morty.

828
00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:47,470
Morty: geez!

829
00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:48,170
Rick: y-you're a good

830
00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:49,029
You're a good kid.

831
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:49,869
Morty: oh, my god!

832
00:20:49,890 --> 00:20:50,830
Rick: [ snoring ]

833
00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:53,569
Morty: w-w-what the hell?

834
00:20:53,589 --> 00:20:54,799
What a life.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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