1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:05,602
I can't, I gotta go drive my car now,
2
00:00:05,603 --> 00:00:08,241
I got-- Huh?
I dunno, ask her.
3
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:11,674
I gotta drive my automobile, on road!
4
00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:17,207
What? Are you
shitting me?
5
00:00:17,208 --> 00:00:19,574
Pfff, see about this bullshit.
6
00:00:21,308 --> 00:00:25,207
Hey! Yeah, that's
the ol' pepper!
7
00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:28,641
Take me to
my house that I live in!
8
00:00:36,408 --> 00:00:39,374
Oh, oh my God, rumaki.
9
00:00:39,375 --> 00:00:40,508
Do you smell that?
10
00:00:40,509 --> 00:00:43,307
Uh, I did not, actually.
11
00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:45,508
Matter of fact,
I can't smell anything.
12
00:00:45,509 --> 00:00:46,708
Archer.
Wha--?
13
00:00:46,709 --> 00:00:49,274
Barry?
Hey, dummy.
14
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:50,395
No, no, no.
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait.
15
00:00:52,375 --> 00:00:54,274
Bulletproof.
16
00:00:56,308 --> 00:00:58,374
You say "bulletproof?"
17
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,307
You can't tell, can you?
18
00:01:00,308 --> 00:01:02,474
You think I'm gonna be that dumb?
Oh, my God.
19
00:01:02,475 --> 00:01:04,274
Mawp.
...not really surprising.
20
00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:05,641
Bet you're surprised
to see me though, huh?
21
00:01:05,642 --> 00:01:08,441
Yes, I am, Barry,
because I blew your ass up
22
00:01:08,442 --> 00:01:10,508
in a grain elevator!
Oww!
23
00:01:10,509 --> 00:01:11,641
Yeah, Archer, I remember.
24
00:01:11,642 --> 00:01:14,274
Every time I look
in the goddamn mirror!
25
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,341
The-- Wait, are you
invisible now?
26
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:18,241
No, you idiot!
27
00:01:18,242 --> 00:01:20,441
I'm just a walking
titanium endoskeleton.
28
00:01:20,442 --> 00:01:23,274
Oh. So, do you clank, or-- Oww!
29
00:01:23,275 --> 00:01:25,474
Yes, dickhole,
I clank! Happy?
30
00:01:25,475 --> 00:01:28,407
I mean-- Well, I'm not!
And ya wanna know why?
31
00:01:28,408 --> 00:01:30,307
Because, not even in this order,
32
00:01:30,308 --> 00:01:32,341
you shot me,
shattered both my femurs,
33
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:35,608
cornholed both my fiancées,
got me turned into a robot,
34
00:01:35,609 --> 00:01:38,541
left me to die
in outer frickin' space!
35
00:01:38,542 --> 00:01:41,541
And also blew me up in a grain elevator!
36
00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:46,407
Oh my God, Framboise!
Remember her?
37
00:01:46,408 --> 00:01:48,307
Yes, Archer, I do.
And that alone
38
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:49,674
would be reason enough to kill you!
39
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:51,574
But that is not why
I came to L.A.
40
00:01:51,575 --> 00:01:55,274
Well, if it was to see the Aztecs
play, I got some bad news.
41
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:58,307
Will you shut up? I came
out here to find someone.
42
00:01:58,308 --> 00:02:00,641
And then I
saw this little guy.
43
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:03,508
Oh,
for-- Goddamn it, Pam!
44
00:02:03,509 --> 00:02:05,474
I can't believe you're a private eye.
45
00:02:05,475 --> 00:02:07,374
Well, it's better than driving a cab!
46
00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:09,474
I don't drive a cab, super sleuth!
47
00:02:09,475 --> 00:02:12,641
This is just a ruse.
I clamped your car.
48
00:02:12,642 --> 00:02:15,608
Why? Because, you
giant flapping anus,
49
00:02:15,609 --> 00:02:17,641
I wanna hire you! I--
50
00:02:17,642 --> 00:02:20,207
Look, not many people
know this, all right,
51
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,574
but I grew up in an orphanage.
I never met my mother,
52
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,674
and I always felt like
I was missing a big piece of,
53
00:02:25,675 --> 00:02:29,407
not me, necessarily, but the me
I could've been, ya know?
54
00:02:29,408 --> 00:02:32,274
And maybe I brought
some of this on myself,
55
00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:35,541
but I feel that there's
a better other Barry in here.
56
00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:38,474
If I could just reconnect
with my birth mother, maybe,
57
00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:40,509
just maybe, we could find him.
58
00:02:45,675 --> 00:02:50,474
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay!
59
00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:54,407
Barry, oh man, I mean
how could it occur to you
60
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:58,341
for a nanosecond
that I would help you?
61
00:02:58,342 --> 00:03:00,407
Hey, I'm coming to you as a man here.
62
00:03:00,408 --> 00:03:04,608
No, you're not. You're coming
to me as a robot mummy!
63
00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:07,374
Oh my God, who's--
Archer, no!
64
00:03:07,375 --> 00:03:08,508
Who's got--
65
00:03:08,509 --> 00:03:10,674
Don't you say it!
No mummy!
66
00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:13,474
Okay, so
now we're doing this.
67
00:03:24,675 --> 00:03:27,242
Bawk, bawk.
68
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:32,609
♪♪
69
00:03:53,024 --> 00:04:03,908
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
70
00:04:05,308 --> 00:04:10,274
Ugh, what is
this, a stairs factory?
71
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:12,641
Ugh! Oh.
Oh, hey.
72
00:04:12,642 --> 00:04:16,274
So, this is Crab Rangoon,
it is going in the refrigerator,
73
00:04:16,275 --> 00:04:18,608
and it is very much mine.
Any questions?
74
00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:22,441
Krieger, looking at you.
Okay, then.
75
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:25,207
Oh, and so guess
who I saw last night?
76
00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:27,608
Uh, Barry?
Yeah, wait, how'd you--
77
00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:29,341
Ahem.
Wha--?
78
00:04:29,342 --> 00:04:30,608
Hey, dummy.
79
00:04:30,609 --> 00:04:32,307
You cyborg son of a bitch!
80
00:04:32,308 --> 00:04:34,274
No, no, no! Don't!
81
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,674
We already tried that!
82
00:04:36,675 --> 00:04:39,307
Yeah, so, uh, you wanna
throw it at me now?
83
00:04:39,308 --> 00:04:41,207
You know, like the old-timey
Superman mov--
84
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:42,741
That was obviously sarcasm.
85
00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:46,274
And yet almost as satisfying
as not helping you
86
00:04:46,275 --> 00:04:48,741
find your stupid mother, which
there's no way I'm gonna do!
87
00:04:48,742 --> 00:04:51,274
Well, you say that...
Archer.
88
00:04:51,275 --> 00:04:52,407
Carol?
Her name's Cher--
89
00:04:52,408 --> 00:04:53,741
Pam, shut up!
90
00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:55,608
Help!
91
00:04:55,609 --> 00:04:57,307
Mother?
She can't hear you.
92
00:04:57,308 --> 00:04:58,741
Help!
93
00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:00,407
Mother!
Still can't hear you.
94
00:05:00,408 --> 00:05:02,274
Where is that?
Where is she?
95
00:05:02,275 --> 00:05:05,608
Carol? She's about
ten feet below that.
96
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,274
What?
What is that?
97
00:05:07,275 --> 00:05:08,674
It's a generator running an air pump!
98
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,541
Which is pumping air
to... Carol?
99
00:05:11,542 --> 00:05:13,341
You son of a--
100
00:05:13,342 --> 00:05:15,641
Wait, how did you do all this
since just last night?
101
00:05:15,642 --> 00:05:18,508
Huh? Oh no, no, no. I've been
planning this for weeks.
102
00:05:18,509 --> 00:05:20,341
I knew when I asked you for help
103
00:05:20,342 --> 00:05:21,574
you'd be a big, weeping dick.
104
00:05:21,575 --> 00:05:24,274
Barry, listen to me.
Okay, but remember,
105
00:05:24,275 --> 00:05:25,574
we don't have a lot of time here.
106
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:28,274
That generator's only got
about 12 more hours'
107
00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:30,374
worth of fuel,
and once it runs out...
108
00:05:30,375 --> 00:05:32,474
Whoops.
109
00:05:32,475 --> 00:05:33,641
No!
Yeah.
110
00:05:33,642 --> 00:05:35,307
You animal!
111
00:05:35,308 --> 00:05:36,574
Pfff, a robot's like
112
00:05:36,575 --> 00:05:38,407
the furthest thing
you can be from an anim--
113
00:05:38,408 --> 00:05:39,641
Oww!
Seriously.
114
00:05:39,642 --> 00:05:42,474
So if you wanna find
your mother--
115
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:44,441
Archer.
116
00:05:44,442 --> 00:05:46,641
So, if we're done with the heroics...
117
00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:48,674
For now at least, yeah, I think so.
118
00:05:48,675 --> 00:05:50,641
Good, because just to reiterate...
119
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,508
Time's a bit of a factor here.
120
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:02,541
Hello? Who are you?
121
00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:07,474
Why won't you answer me?
What do you want?
122
00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:12,474
Ow! Quit squeezing
the puppy, Lennie!
123
00:06:12,475 --> 00:06:14,641
Oh hush, you big baby. It's
just a through-and-through.
124
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,641
Yes, which means both holes hurt!
125
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:19,474
Hey, I know you're upset, but we
are gonna find Barry's mother,
126
00:06:19,475 --> 00:06:21,274
and Malory is gonna be okay.
127
00:06:21,275 --> 00:06:23,608
Now, I believe there
was some mention of holes?
128
00:06:23,609 --> 00:06:25,708
Phrasing, boom.
129
00:06:25,709 --> 00:06:28,274
That's the spirit.
Shut up.
130
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:31,441
And then talk again, but only to help
me think of a way to kill Barry.
131
00:06:31,442 --> 00:06:33,207
Why don't we just find his mother?
132
00:06:33,208 --> 00:06:34,508
Why, just so she can bury him?
133
00:06:34,509 --> 00:06:36,407
Yeah, because trying to kill Barry
134
00:06:36,408 --> 00:06:38,608
has gone so well for you in the past.
135
00:06:38,609 --> 00:06:41,608
Yeah, Lana, but this time it's, um...
136
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:44,574
Were you gonna say,
"This time it's personal"?
137
00:06:44,575 --> 00:06:47,341
Yeah, but I didn't.
138
00:06:47,342 --> 00:06:49,341
But also it is.
139
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,674
Because here's my concern...
140
00:06:50,675 --> 00:06:52,708
The orphanage where
you grew up burned down.
141
00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:56,341
Shut up, and all the
records were lost in the fire,
142
00:06:56,342 --> 00:06:57,474
so not only do you not know
143
00:06:57,475 --> 00:06:58,741
your birth mother's name...
No.
144
00:06:58,742 --> 00:07:00,674
You don't know the hospital
where you were born.
145
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:03,441
Uh-uh. Or the town,
or even the county.
146
00:07:03,442 --> 00:07:05,441
Nope. Or even your
actual date of birth!
147
00:07:05,442 --> 00:07:07,341
I-- Look, if this was easy
148
00:07:07,342 --> 00:07:09,508
I wouldn't have to bury
ladies out in the desert!
149
00:07:09,509 --> 00:07:11,474
Yeah, so did she struggle?
150
00:07:11,475 --> 00:07:13,341
Did you have to punch her
in her bony face?
151
00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:15,641
No, Creepy Spice, I used chloroform.
152
00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:18,341
Aw. Yeah, her husband
didn't even wake up.
153
00:07:18,342 --> 00:07:20,407
Damn machine.
You need a Ph.D.
154
00:07:20,408 --> 00:07:22,407
for this thing.
It's like the Univac.
155
00:07:22,408 --> 00:07:25,574
It says here "grind." It's
already ground from the store!
156
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:28,608
I just want it to drip, but
there's no button for drip!
157
00:07:28,609 --> 00:07:32,341
What are you,
in the shower? Hello?
158
00:07:32,342 --> 00:07:34,474
Do I need to mess with "program"?
159
00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:37,474
And because it was a closed adoption
with any record of it sealed,
160
00:07:37,475 --> 00:07:41,241
we need to basically hack into the
state's vital records database,
161
00:07:41,242 --> 00:07:42,641
and comb through millions of records!
162
00:07:42,642 --> 00:07:44,374
Yeah, so then do that.
163
00:07:44,375 --> 00:07:45,741
I-- But even
if we could hack in--
164
00:07:45,742 --> 00:07:47,774
Their password security's
probably just eight-bit,
165
00:07:47,775 --> 00:07:50,508
so I'd suggest a combination
of dictionary attack,
166
00:07:50,509 --> 00:07:52,508
reverse cryptographic hash function,
167
00:07:52,509 --> 00:07:54,508
and good old-fashioned
brute force.
168
00:07:54,509 --> 00:07:57,341
Oh, we can do that?
Lemon squeezy.
169
00:07:57,342 --> 00:07:59,541
Oh, okay, but my larger,
sort of overall concern
170
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,274
is that it's a felony.
171
00:08:01,275 --> 00:08:02,474
Well, but so is
painting the walls in here
172
00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:04,508
with you people's tiny brains.
173
00:08:04,509 --> 00:08:08,274
Yeah, so whaddya
say we "get crackin'"?
174
00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:12,508
See what I did there?
Pun-wise?
175
00:08:12,509 --> 00:08:16,307
Samuel Johnson tells us that puns
are the lowest form of comedy,
176
00:08:16,308 --> 00:08:18,542
but for me it's murder.
177
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,256
Damn it, people, my
mother is buried alive!
178
00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:28,256
What is taking so long?
179
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,089
We're going as fast as we can!
180
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,956
And why is it so frickin' hot?
181
00:08:31,957 --> 00:08:33,089
What? Why do you think?
182
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,223
To crack the password we need
183
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:36,256
every last bit of
this computing power!
184
00:08:36,257 --> 00:08:38,322
Still though...
It is pretty hot.
185
00:08:38,323 --> 00:08:40,422
Sweet Jesus Metal Christ!
Whoa, my God!
186
00:08:40,423 --> 00:08:42,322
What's the matter?
C'mon, Lana.
187
00:08:42,323 --> 00:08:44,023
It's nothing you haven't seen before.
188
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,355
Wait, what?
Yeah, dude,
189
00:08:45,356 --> 00:08:48,056
me and her b-b-b-boned. What?
190
00:08:48,057 --> 00:08:50,056
Did I know this?
When was this?
191
00:08:50,057 --> 00:08:52,256
Way back!
When he was, ya know...
192
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:55,223
What, back when
I was what, Lana? Human?
193
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:57,223
I mean--
I still have feelings!
194
00:08:57,224 --> 00:08:59,223
Well, then put some damn clothes on!
195
00:08:59,224 --> 00:09:01,223
No, no!
You can just feast
196
00:09:01,224 --> 00:09:05,189
your beady little eyes
on my... endoskeleton!
197
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:08,389
Here's an idea!
Turn on the A/C!
198
00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:10,089
Yeah, right!
199
00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:12,355
We're way over maximum voltage.
200
00:09:12,356 --> 00:09:14,189
I got about
a buck-fifty in pennies
201
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,056
crammed in the fusebox as it is.
202
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,322
Oh, relax.
203
00:09:18,323 --> 00:09:20,389
Worst case, an innocent
migrant farmhand
204
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:23,289
goes to turn on the milking
machine and gets electrocuted.
205
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:26,089
What? I mean, worst case
we fry some circuits.
206
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:27,289
Hmm...
What?
207
00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,056
I mean, how's Mother?
208
00:09:29,057 --> 00:09:31,189
I wanna see her,
put her up on the monitor.
209
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:33,289
Okay!
But just for a second.
210
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:36,023
Oh and keep it
on "mute." Carol.
211
00:09:39,057 --> 00:09:41,922
Yeah, she's really losing her shit.
212
00:09:41,923 --> 00:09:43,322
...hunt you bastards down
213
00:09:43,323 --> 00:09:45,389
and have your guts for
garters, you hear me?
214
00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:47,989
My God, get it together.
215
00:09:47,990 --> 00:09:50,289
You've been in tighter spots
than this.
216
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:54,956
East Berlin, Warsaw.
Ugh, Khartoum?
217
00:09:54,957 --> 00:09:57,289
At least this time you're not
hooked up to a car battery.
218
00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:59,956
Or up to your ankles in camel blood.
219
00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:01,289
And whoever these bastards are,
220
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:04,123
they must not want you dead just yet.
221
00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:07,889
But what do they want?
And where is this?
222
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,223
Well, it's
hard to say, really.
223
00:10:09,224 --> 00:10:11,889
I mean, we're computating
as fast as we can,
224
00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:13,956
but every possible
permutation of this password
225
00:10:13,957 --> 00:10:16,322
is something on the order of
ten to the ninth power, so--
226
00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:18,289
Got it! Wait, what? Wait, what?
227
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:20,889
Whoo!
228
00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:22,223
Can't hear anything.
229
00:10:22,224 --> 00:10:25,156
Although I can feel just
the slightest draft, but...
230
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:28,922
Hm. Maybe
a hint of diesel?
231
00:10:28,923 --> 00:10:30,956
Doesn't help much,
that could be anywhere.
232
00:10:30,957 --> 00:10:34,089
Although "anywhere" usually
has some kind of sounds.
233
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:38,256
Traffic, birds, a train.
Here there's just nothing.
234
00:10:38,257 --> 00:10:41,256
Could-- Damn it,
I'm underground!
235
00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:44,355
But what kind of
sick, twisted, bastard...
236
00:10:44,356 --> 00:10:47,355
Whoo! Barry's
baggin' some tea!
237
00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:51,956
I suppose there's really no telling.
238
00:10:51,957 --> 00:10:53,355
You spend your whole
life in espionage,
239
00:10:53,356 --> 00:10:55,922
you're going to make a few enemies.
240
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:58,922
But kiddo, you're not gonna
sit here on your keister
241
00:10:58,923 --> 00:11:03,190
waiting to find out who's
behind this. So. Step one.
242
00:11:07,957 --> 00:11:10,023
And now for step two.
243
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:16,023
Step two's always a bitch.
244
00:11:16,024 --> 00:11:18,322
All right, now step three.
245
00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:24,223
Okay, so now what, now what?
246
00:11:24,224 --> 00:11:26,189
Well, I think the first
thing we should do
247
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,223
is make Pam put on some clothes.
248
00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:30,056
Don't try to body shame me!
249
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,322
Dog Tits!
Yeah, shut up.
250
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,889
So now, we have to go through
251
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:36,322
all these millions
of records line by line,
252
00:11:36,323 --> 00:11:38,389
looking for any records
with your given name,
253
00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:41,056
and hope we can
cross-reference that
254
00:11:41,057 --> 00:11:43,189
to find some record of
your birth mother's name.
255
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:45,056
What? How long is
that gonna take?
256
00:11:45,057 --> 00:11:47,123
I-- Awhile, Archer.
257
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,056
Oh, well then, can I borrow Krieger?
258
00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:51,089
No. How does that help the situation?
259
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:52,289
It helps my leg, Cyril,
260
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:54,389
which I think might be
turning septic,
261
00:11:54,390 --> 00:11:57,156
thanks to your new
best friend, Darth Barry!
262
00:11:57,157 --> 00:11:59,289
You do realize I'm not
that kind of a doc--
263
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:03,189
Krieger, break room now, goddamn it!
So, is it cool if I--
264
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:06,056
Yeah, but give him some morphine
or something to shut him up,
265
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,056
'cause I've really got this warm,
hopeful feeling right now,
266
00:12:09,057 --> 00:12:11,023
and I kinda feel like
it's gonna be ruined
267
00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:14,023
if I have to pull his spine
out through his face.
268
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,023
Um, and also can I go
to the bathroom? No.
269
00:12:17,024 --> 00:12:19,256
Then why does Archer get
to do whatever he wants
270
00:12:19,257 --> 00:12:22,355
plus morphine when you're not
even my robot supervisor!
271
00:12:22,356 --> 00:12:26,123
Okay, Jesus, go to the bathroom.
272
00:12:26,124 --> 00:12:29,322
Well, if she's going-- Everybody
go to the damn bathroom!
273
00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:32,056
Go crazy, use the frickin' bidet!
274
00:12:32,057 --> 00:12:34,889
I'm not the one
running out of oxygen here.
275
00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:37,089
Oh right, I forgot about Miss Archer.
276
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,189
Although...
277
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:43,322
step three's no prize.
278
00:12:43,323 --> 00:12:45,322
Aha!
279
00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:48,322
And now, for these damn cuffs!
280
00:12:48,323 --> 00:12:50,023
You lost me.
281
00:12:50,024 --> 00:12:52,389
I want you to Edison this elephant.
282
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:56,289
Ooo-kay.
Nope, still lost.
283
00:12:56,290 --> 00:12:59,256
Thomas Edison! Remember?
When he killed that elephant
284
00:12:59,257 --> 00:13:02,156
by jamming a big, fat
electric cable up its asshole?
285
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:04,023
What?
Yeah.
286
00:13:04,024 --> 00:13:05,989
The kindly Wizard of Menlo Park,
287
00:13:05,990 --> 00:13:08,189
bought a sweet old circus
elephant just to murder it.
288
00:13:08,190 --> 00:13:10,256
Now I want you to figure
out a way to zap Barry
289
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,922
with enough juice
to shut down his CPU.
290
00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:16,956
Uh, okay, like-- Like, just brick him.
291
00:13:16,957 --> 00:13:20,056
But the KGB built him. I'm sure
all his circuits are shielded.
292
00:13:20,057 --> 00:13:22,223
It would take like,
gigawatts worth of volts.
293
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:25,023
Okay, that doesn't sound right.
It's not.
294
00:13:25,024 --> 00:13:26,189
But how many volts do
you think we have with
295
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:28,223
two pounds of pennies
jammed in the fusebox?
296
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,056
Hmm, and if I routed it
all to a single circuit,
297
00:13:31,057 --> 00:13:32,889
like the dimmer switch
in the bullpen,
298
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:35,223
maybe spilled an electrolytic
solution on the floor
299
00:13:35,224 --> 00:13:38,056
for good measure, and get Barry
to touch said dimmer switch...
300
00:13:38,057 --> 00:13:39,956
Wait, what happened to jamming
301
00:13:39,957 --> 00:13:42,189
a big, fat electric
cable up his asshole?
302
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:45,189
Well, A, I don't think he even has
an asshole, not that I was looking,
303
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:47,355
and B, a dimmer switch is way easier.
304
00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:50,123
Okay, but-- But wait,
if you fry Barry's CPU,
305
00:13:50,124 --> 00:13:52,023
he can't tell you
where Miss Archer is!
306
00:13:52,024 --> 00:13:54,355
Well, I'll worry about that
bridge when I come to it!
307
00:13:54,356 --> 00:13:57,056
I kinda think you should
worry about it before then.
308
00:13:57,057 --> 00:13:59,322
Krieger, if I worried about
a fraction of the stuff
309
00:13:59,323 --> 00:14:02,156
I should be worried about,
I'd never get anything done!
310
00:14:02,157 --> 00:14:04,189
I know, but--
Oh my God, BPA!
311
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:06,290
I--
Transgendered frogs!
312
00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:12,956
Shh, shh, shh.
313
00:14:12,957 --> 00:14:15,289
What? I said
I'm in love with Barry.
314
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:18,023
I knew that was coming.
315
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,389
Oh, my tits, what? How could--
He's a frickin machine!
316
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:23,355
Well, Ray, a machine
is like a desert.
317
00:14:23,356 --> 00:14:25,256
Either it fascinates or appalls you.
318
00:14:25,257 --> 00:14:28,056
What? It's not "noice!"
Noyce.
319
00:14:28,057 --> 00:14:30,289
How could you be attracted
to a homicidal maniac?
320
00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:32,989
No, that's a quote by Wilfrid Noyce.
321
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:35,089
Really?
What? Yes!
322
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:37,223
The mountaineer?
Yes!
323
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:39,156
Well, here's a quote by me:
324
00:14:39,157 --> 00:14:41,389
Barry's about to violate
the First Law of Robotics...
325
00:14:41,390 --> 00:14:43,355
on my vagina.
326
00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,355
Noice.
327
00:14:45,356 --> 00:14:49,989
Ha! Now just to see
where the hell I am...
328
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,223
What? Oh, for the love!
329
00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:56,389
Although, no matter who
or what ends up killing me,
330
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:59,123
you could probably
paint that on the wall.
331
00:14:59,124 --> 00:15:01,990
The idiot.
332
00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:09,389
Let's go, people.
The clock is ticking.
333
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,965
Tick tock, tick tock.
334
00:15:11,049 --> 00:15:12,214
Name something a clock would say.
335
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:14,148
Barry, you could, ya know, help!
336
00:15:14,149 --> 00:15:15,448
I'm too wound up!
337
00:15:15,449 --> 00:15:17,448
Name something a clock would--
Ray.
338
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,948
Seriously.
I could maybe help you unwind.
339
00:15:20,949 --> 00:15:24,014
Ugh. Didn't I
murder you one time?
340
00:15:24,015 --> 00:15:26,114
- Maybe...
- Carol!
341
00:15:26,115 --> 00:15:28,381
Get back to work, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
342
00:15:28,382 --> 00:15:31,081
Well, you guys were
all pretty sweaty,
343
00:15:31,082 --> 00:15:33,448
so I brought you
some Sports Drank to--
344
00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:38,014
Oh, damn it! Damn.
Damn. Damn. Damn it!
345
00:15:38,015 --> 00:15:39,481
Probably because
it's so dark in here.
346
00:15:39,482 --> 00:15:41,348
Yeah, Archer, it is getting dark,
347
00:15:41,349 --> 00:15:43,081
which means your mommy is running out
348
00:15:43,082 --> 00:15:45,014
of both time and oxygen!
349
00:15:45,015 --> 00:15:48,014
It also means potentially
dangerous eye-strain
350
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,348
for these hardworking folks, Barry.
351
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,481
So why don't you go over there
and turn up that dimmer?
352
00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:54,248
You turn up the damn dimmer!
No, Barry, you do it!
353
00:15:54,249 --> 00:15:56,981
Ugh, Jesus, I'll turn up
the stupid dimmer.
354
00:15:56,982 --> 00:15:59,315
Carol, no! Don't touch that dimmer!
Wait a minute...
355
00:15:59,316 --> 00:16:02,148
Why do you want me
to touch the light switch?
356
00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:05,248
Hm? And all the sports drank
conveniently spilled
357
00:16:05,249 --> 00:16:07,415
on the floor, full of electrolytes?
358
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:10,148
Is it? Are you trying
to electrocute me?
359
00:16:10,149 --> 00:16:12,148
What, no!
360
00:16:12,149 --> 00:16:15,114
Apparently not.
361
00:16:15,115 --> 00:16:18,181
If I was electrocuted, how the hell
were you gonna find your mother?
362
00:16:18,182 --> 00:16:20,014
So there were a couple of holes!
363
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,981
Wait, are we doing-- Jesus!
364
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,981
You were willing to risk that?
Oh, that is classic you!
365
00:16:25,982 --> 00:16:27,348
A mother!
The one thing
366
00:16:27,349 --> 00:16:30,214
I've been searching for
my entire goddamn life,
367
00:16:30,215 --> 00:16:31,448
and you take it for granted!
368
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,281
Just like you do
with everything else!
369
00:16:33,282 --> 00:16:35,048
Shut up!
Well, guess what!
370
00:16:35,049 --> 00:16:36,448
You take your mother
for granted? Fine!
371
00:16:36,449 --> 00:16:39,148
Good luck finding her
without the coordinates!
372
00:16:39,149 --> 00:16:41,014
What the shit?
373
00:16:41,015 --> 00:16:43,215
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.
374
00:16:45,082 --> 00:16:49,048
First thing, I'm
taking a long hot bath
375
00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:51,181
with a nice stiff drink.
376
00:16:54,382 --> 00:16:58,148
And then I'm going to kill everybody!
377
00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,214
Yeah?
Well, get in line, lady!
378
00:17:00,215 --> 00:17:02,214
Hey, whoa! Calm down!
379
00:17:02,215 --> 00:17:05,014
After I kill
all you idiots, I'm--
380
00:17:05,015 --> 00:17:06,448
I found her!
381
00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:10,214
Found who? Your mom! At
least I think I did.
382
00:17:10,215 --> 00:17:12,415
Let me see.
383
00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:15,315
So, the Hide-A-Wee
Home For Children...
384
00:17:15,316 --> 00:17:18,114
That's where I grew up!
Took in a newborn baby,
385
00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:20,348
born at County Hospital
close to your dates,
386
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:23,181
who was christened
Bartholomew Aloysius Dylan.
387
00:17:23,182 --> 00:17:25,348
That's me!
Little baby Barty D.!
388
00:17:25,349 --> 00:17:27,381
And, according to
County Hospital's records,
389
00:17:27,382 --> 00:17:31,415
the baby was put up for adoption
by a young woman named...
390
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,315
You sure you wanna know this?
391
00:17:37,982 --> 00:17:39,348
Yeah.
392
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:43,281
Tammy Jo Stamps, age 16.
393
00:17:43,282 --> 00:17:44,515
Holy shitsnacks!
394
00:17:44,516 --> 00:17:46,415
And she's still alive, you guys!
395
00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:48,048
She lives in L.A.!
396
00:17:49,382 --> 00:17:53,248
Well? What
are you waiting for?
397
00:17:53,249 --> 00:17:55,315
You got what you wanted!
398
00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:58,014
Go to her!
399
00:17:58,015 --> 00:17:59,481
Just go!
400
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:03,048
I mean, yeah, right?
I mean, right?
401
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,114
Well, I mean, yeah, but...
402
00:18:05,115 --> 00:18:08,181
But what? I mean, you
can't go like that.
403
00:18:08,182 --> 00:18:09,315
Why, what are you...
404
00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:12,114
Oh my God, I look
like the Terminator!
405
00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:14,014
Well, a Terminator.
406
00:18:14,015 --> 00:18:17,415
I think I may have just the thing.
407
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,381
Okay, I was kinda saving this for...
408
00:18:19,382 --> 00:18:22,315
this other thing, but anyhoo.
409
00:18:24,382 --> 00:18:26,315
What the shit, Krieger?
410
00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:28,081
What?
411
00:18:28,082 --> 00:18:32,081
Why do you have our heads?
412
00:18:32,082 --> 00:18:35,315
And hands. What, it's for this other...
nothing.
413
00:18:35,316 --> 00:18:39,048
So! Who's it
gonna be, big guy?
414
00:18:40,516 --> 00:18:43,315
Holy shit, now I know you're crazy.
415
00:18:43,316 --> 00:18:45,214
What, you thought I'd pick you?
416
00:18:45,215 --> 00:18:46,448
I mean...
Or Gillette?
417
00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:49,114
The poor
man's Frank Langella?
418
00:18:49,115 --> 00:18:50,348
Oh my God, I am.
419
00:18:50,349 --> 00:18:53,381
No, this is the face.
How do I look?
420
00:18:56,182 --> 00:18:58,248
Yeah, right?
Okay, so...
421
00:18:58,249 --> 00:19:01,281
Wow! Off to meet
my birth mother.
422
00:19:01,282 --> 00:19:05,014
- Wish me luck, friends!
- Good luck.
423
00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:06,381
Thanks, guys!
424
00:19:06,382 --> 00:19:09,149
Oh!
425
00:19:14,282 --> 00:19:16,081
I'm okay!
426
00:19:17,349 --> 00:19:21,214
Like a bad penny.
427
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:24,015
Oh, shit!
The pennies!
428
00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:32,883
So, what did we learn?
429
00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:36,390
I learned...
Wow.
430
00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:38,049
Nothing?
Nope.
431
00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:39,716
I learned that the cabinet
432
00:19:39,717 --> 00:19:41,783
of Dr. Krieger is
full of our faces.
433
00:19:41,784 --> 00:19:43,949
And hands.
I-- Look,
434
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,716
don't worry about it. I
really feel like we should.
435
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:48,982
Oh, you worry about everything.
436
00:19:48,983 --> 00:19:51,182
Oh, shit!
I hope Mother's okay.
437
00:19:55,117 --> 00:19:57,445
Evenin'.
438
00:19:57,565 --> 00:20:01,082
I'll give you $1,000 for a
ride to the nearest bar.
439
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:02,783
What?
440
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,049
Oh, shit yeah, lady, climb on up!
441
00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:08,883
Yeah, there ya
go, get on up in here.
442
00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:11,916
Whew. Thank you.
443
00:20:11,917 --> 00:20:14,982
Thank you.
A thousand bucks?
444
00:20:14,983 --> 00:20:17,850
You're either crazy or rich or both.
445
00:20:17,851 --> 00:20:20,883
Well, I don't have
it on me obviously, but...
446
00:20:20,884 --> 00:20:23,916
Oh, I betcha we
can work something out.
447
00:20:23,917 --> 00:20:27,850
Ahem, your hand
seems to be on my thigh.
448
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,883
Yeah, you're
like a silver fox.
449
00:20:30,884 --> 00:20:32,082
I beg your pardon?
450
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,916
And I'm just hopin'
451
00:20:33,917 --> 00:20:37,783
them curtains match the rug,
'cause I like that.
452
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:46,082
Ya like an
elbow to the throat?
453
00:20:46,083 --> 00:20:48,850
Shitheel.
454
00:20:48,851 --> 00:20:52,716
Although, if you had worded
that a bit more delicately
455
00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:54,883
it could've been
quite flattering, so...
456
00:20:54,884 --> 00:20:58,116
well, not thank you,
necessarily, but...
457
00:20:59,449 --> 00:21:04,082
Je ne sais quoi.
Exactement. Ciao!
458
00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:14,082
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com