1 00:00:01,053 --> 00:00:02,457 Blackmail? 2 00:00:02,458 --> 00:00:04,417 Yes, I... I'm afraid so. 3 00:00:04,418 --> 00:00:07,477 You see, last night, thieves burgled the house of my attorney, Al... 4 00:00:07,478 --> 00:00:09,417 - Alan Shapiro. - Why, yes. 5 00:00:09,418 --> 00:00:11,577 But how did you know that Mr. Shapiro was my attorney? 6 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:12,590 Yeah, Cyril. 7 00:00:12,615 --> 00:00:15,627 Oh. Uh, so, the reason I know that is... 8 00:00:15,628 --> 00:00:19,547 - He's an idiot. - Savant. Photographic memory. 9 00:00:19,548 --> 00:00:21,593 My guess is he read that in a newspaper 10 00:00:21,618 --> 00:00:23,637 article years ago and never forgot it. 11 00:00:23,638 --> 00:00:25,873 But, you know, many of the world's 12 00:00:25,898 --> 00:00:28,427 great detectives were on the spectrum. 13 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:28,967 Wait. What? 14 00:00:28,968 --> 00:00:32,467 Sherlock Holmes, um, Darryl Zero... 15 00:00:32,468 --> 00:00:34,517 Please forgive me. I had no idea. 16 00:00:34,518 --> 00:00:36,427 Really? Look at his clothes. 17 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:38,627 - Hey, you know what... - There, there. 18 00:00:38,628 --> 00:00:40,932 At any rate, um, whoever these 19 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,467 people were, they stole, um... 20 00:00:43,468 --> 00:00:46,547 My goodness, look at me. I'm... I'm shaking like a leaf. 21 00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:49,427 - Would you care for a drink? - Archer, it's barely nine o'... 22 00:00:49,428 --> 00:00:51,557 Corpse Reviver №2, please. But if you don't have real absinthe, 23 00:00:51,558 --> 00:00:53,557 I'll have a double sidecar, French. 24 00:00:53,558 --> 00:00:55,517 Oh, that sounds good. I'll have... 25 00:00:55,518 --> 00:00:56,607 - There's not enough. - You were saying? 26 00:00:56,608 --> 00:00:58,447 They stole... 27 00:00:58,448 --> 00:01:00,627 Yes. Um, I suppose you could call it 28 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,637 very sensitive information. 29 00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:04,607 On a computer disk? 30 00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:06,605 Well, yes, but surely you didn't 31 00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:08,477 read that in the newspaper. 32 00:01:08,478 --> 00:01:11,447 Intuition and a photographic memory. 33 00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:13,721 It's remarkable, but it can be a bit... 34 00:01:13,746 --> 00:01:14,517 Off-putting? 35 00:01:14,518 --> 00:01:16,447 Cyril, get up. Move. 36 00:01:16,448 --> 00:01:19,487 Ms. Deane came here for help, not to be off-put. 37 00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:22,558 Now, then, this sensitive information... 38 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,638 Sterling! 39 00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:30,517 Um, yes. So, about the disk... 40 00:01:30,518 --> 00:01:32,517 You want to get back at us. 41 00:01:32,518 --> 00:01:34,597 - You want us to get it back. - No, Mr. Archer. 42 00:01:34,598 --> 00:01:36,775 I need you to get it back, 43 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,617 desperately. 44 00:01:38,618 --> 00:01:40,952 Which is an excellent segue into a 45 00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:43,487 brief overview of our fee structure. 46 00:01:43,488 --> 00:01:45,607 - Two hundred thousand dollars. - Wow, that was brief. 47 00:01:45,608 --> 00:01:47,487 Payable upon delivery. 48 00:01:47,488 --> 00:01:49,487 Now, if you will excuse me, I... 49 00:01:49,488 --> 00:01:51,497 I think we might have more questions. 50 00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:53,627 I'm sure you do, but Mr. Shapiro will have to answer them. 51 00:01:53,628 --> 00:01:55,567 He's waiting for you at his house now. 52 00:01:55,568 --> 00:01:58,587 - The house that got robbed? - "Burgled," Lana. Pay attention. 53 00:01:58,588 --> 00:02:01,427 And so, Miss Deane, do you want me to ride with you? 54 00:02:01,428 --> 00:02:02,587 Because my car is currently... 55 00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:04,417 - Merde. - No! 56 00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:05,627 No, Mr. Archer. Mr. Shapiro 57 00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:08,407 will handle everything from now on. 58 00:02:08,408 --> 00:02:10,407 And if all goes according to plan, 59 00:02:10,408 --> 00:02:12,567 this will be the last time we ever meet. 60 00:02:12,568 --> 00:02:16,417 - Wait. No. Ever? - I am standing right here. 61 00:02:16,418 --> 00:02:19,587 Yeah, exactly, when clearly we're almost out of triple sec, 62 00:02:19,588 --> 00:02:21,588 so... 63 00:02:54,849 --> 00:02:59,428 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com - 64 00:02:59,538 --> 00:03:02,437 Okay, so, what do we know? 65 00:03:02,438 --> 00:03:03,617 Um, old ladies give you a boner? 66 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,467 Hey, me too. 67 00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:08,427 No. And shut up. And, Krieger, come on. 68 00:03:08,428 --> 00:03:09,597 - Let's go. Move. - Away. 69 00:03:09,598 --> 00:03:11,557 - Um... - Wh... 70 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,587 - Oh, for the... Ew! - What? My leg's asleep. 71 00:03:14,588 --> 00:03:17,557 - And you have an erection. - Also. Yes. 72 00:03:17,558 --> 00:03:19,544 And we have to meet Shapiro in two 73 00:03:19,569 --> 00:03:21,587 hours ago, so can we please focus? 74 00:03:21,588 --> 00:03:24,437 Well, we know that someone posing as Veronica Deane 75 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,467 tricked us into stealing a computer disk 76 00:03:26,468 --> 00:03:29,437 in order to blackmail the real Veronica Deane. 77 00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:30,954 And paid us with a bogus cashier's check 78 00:03:30,979 --> 00:03:32,507 for a hundred thousand dollars, which... 79 00:03:32,508 --> 00:03:34,239 - Why the hell are you doing that? - What? 80 00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:35,527 You just said it was bogus! 81 00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:37,427 I don't know. Fingerprints? 82 00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:39,607 Well? Who am I, Alphonse Bertillon? 83 00:03:39,608 --> 00:03:41,665 Uh, so I'm just gonna kind of power 84 00:03:41,690 --> 00:03:43,607 through this, if you don't mind. 85 00:03:43,608 --> 00:03:45,487 Whatever. Jesus. 86 00:03:45,488 --> 00:03:47,627 Okay, so, now, the real Veronica Deane... 87 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,577 How do you know she's the real one? 88 00:03:49,578 --> 00:03:51,567 Oh, she's definitely the real thing. 89 00:03:51,568 --> 00:03:54,497 Please, you can't fake that desperate, 90 00:03:54,498 --> 00:03:56,517 actressy craving for attention. 91 00:03:56,518 --> 00:03:58,538 What you can't fake, Mother, is her 92 00:03:58,563 --> 00:04:00,557 star power, her palpable charisma. 93 00:04:00,558 --> 00:04:02,067 Well, I'm gonna fake being here and 94 00:04:02,092 --> 00:04:03,617 go pick up our daughter at daycare. 95 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,527 Well, then, you can fake getting paid. 96 00:04:05,528 --> 00:04:08,557 - Excuse me? - You're no longer on Malory's teat. 97 00:04:08,558 --> 00:04:10,447 - Ew! - Cyril! 98 00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:12,437 Never gonna be able to stand up. 99 00:04:12,438 --> 00:04:14,477 You work at the Figgis Agency now. 100 00:04:14,478 --> 00:04:16,557 And around here, you don't work-a the case, 101 00:04:16,558 --> 00:04:19,417 you don't get-a the... the paycheck. 102 00:04:19,418 --> 00:04:20,617 Boom! Fridge magnet. 103 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:22,068 I'm sorry. Did Veronica Deane 104 00:04:22,093 --> 00:04:23,567 spray a bunch of pheromones 105 00:04:23,568 --> 00:04:26,497 that somehow raised all your testosterone levels? 106 00:04:26,498 --> 00:04:28,702 That is exactly what it feels like. 107 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:29,437 Oh, yeah. 108 00:04:29,438 --> 00:04:31,407 I feel like I could fight a grizzly bear, 109 00:04:31,408 --> 00:04:33,497 like, over a parking space. 110 00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,011 Is the bear, like, standing in the 111 00:04:35,036 --> 00:04:36,567 space or actually driving the car? 112 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,577 - Doesn't matter. - I mean... Really! 113 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:40,466 Does it matter that if we don't get 114 00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:42,407 that disk for that snooty has-been, 115 00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:43,537 we'll have to shut off the lights? 116 00:04:43,538 --> 00:04:45,547 - How will that help? - Not to mention, 117 00:04:45,548 --> 00:04:46,981 it's kind of our fault the disk 118 00:04:47,006 --> 00:04:48,507 was stolen in the first place. 119 00:04:48,508 --> 00:04:51,447 Since we stole it. Okay. 120 00:04:51,448 --> 00:04:53,427 - Okay, so... - Cyril, shut up. 121 00:04:53,428 --> 00:04:54,378 Sterling and Lana, go meet 122 00:04:54,403 --> 00:04:55,547 Shapiro and then report back. 123 00:04:55,548 --> 00:04:57,970 Uh, before or after he recognizes us 124 00:04:57,995 --> 00:05:00,457 as the people that robbed his house? 125 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:01,773 "Burgled." And it was pitch 126 00:05:01,798 --> 00:05:03,527 black, and we all had on goggles. 127 00:05:03,528 --> 00:05:06,417 So calm down. Nobody's gonna recognize us. 128 00:05:07,528 --> 00:05:09,607 Duner! Blits! Keyn! Nit faynt! 129 00:05:09,608 --> 00:05:12,577 Hey, buddies. 130 00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:15,417 Nit faynt! Keyn! Keyn! 131 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,627 - God, that is so weird. - Yeah. 132 00:05:17,628 --> 00:05:19,637 - Are they not housebroken, or... - What? 133 00:05:19,638 --> 00:05:22,427 No. No. Sorry. No. Come on in. 134 00:05:22,428 --> 00:05:25,427 Oh, shoes. Shoes, shoes. Thank you. 135 00:05:25,428 --> 00:05:26,432 No, the growling. They have 136 00:05:26,457 --> 00:05:27,547 never done that to a guest. 137 00:05:27,548 --> 00:05:29,360 And they are extremely well trained. 138 00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:30,437 Ex-Mossad, actually. 139 00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:31,849 But if you mean the diapers, then 140 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,467 yes, because whoever broke in here... 141 00:05:33,468 --> 00:05:35,045 And I say "whoever," because it was pitch black, 142 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,557 and they were wearing some kind of goggles... 143 00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:37,948 - Called it. - when 144 00:05:37,973 --> 00:05:39,587 they poisoned my goddamn dogs! 145 00:05:39,588 --> 00:05:40,977 - What? - Yeah, the vet thinks it 146 00:05:41,002 --> 00:05:42,557 was some kind of tranquilizer. 147 00:05:42,558 --> 00:05:44,557 But they had a bad reaction, and all night the poor things 148 00:05:44,558 --> 00:05:47,417 were just crazy shitting, uncontrollably. 149 00:05:47,418 --> 00:05:48,627 I mean, like fire hoses, seriously. 150 00:05:48,628 --> 00:05:51,189 It was all through here, down that 151 00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:53,457 hallway, all down the stairs. 152 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:55,527 Some got way up on that wall somehow. 153 00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:57,159 And there was all this blood splashed 154 00:05:57,184 --> 00:05:58,447 everywhere from the burglar. 155 00:05:58,448 --> 00:05:59,407 I swear to God, it was like a 156 00:05:59,432 --> 00:06:00,597 Family Circus cartoon up in here. 157 00:06:00,598 --> 00:06:03,627 The ones where they follow Billy all around the neighborhood, 158 00:06:03,628 --> 00:06:06,557 only with blood and watery dog shit. 159 00:06:06,558 --> 00:06:08,507 And so, the maids cleaned all night. 160 00:06:08,508 --> 00:06:10,427 That's only because I threatened to have them deported. 161 00:06:10,428 --> 00:06:11,597 They've been with me at least... 162 00:06:11,598 --> 00:06:14,447 Oh, wow. Rosa's been with me 20 years. 163 00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:16,447 Anyway, the vet just left. 164 00:06:16,448 --> 00:06:18,001 They were so dehydrated. We had 'em 165 00:06:18,026 --> 00:06:19,467 on IV drips, the whole megillah. 166 00:06:19,468 --> 00:06:21,477 - The maids? - Th... The dogs! 167 00:06:21,478 --> 00:06:24,467 Oh, my God, I am so sorry... 168 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:25,627 that that happened. 169 00:06:25,628 --> 00:06:28,567 I'll tell you who's sorry, is my flokati rug. 170 00:06:28,568 --> 00:06:30,740 Oh, and my worthless bodyguards. 171 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:32,437 Right. And they are... 172 00:06:32,438 --> 00:06:34,530 Fired! And lucky they're not slowly 173 00:06:34,555 --> 00:06:36,447 dissolving in a 50-gallon drum! 174 00:06:36,448 --> 00:06:38,437 She trusted me! 175 00:06:38,438 --> 00:06:39,538 Veronica trusted me to protect 176 00:06:39,563 --> 00:06:40,637 the disk, and I failed her! 177 00:06:40,638 --> 00:06:42,606 Okay, well, maybe. But we're gonna 178 00:06:42,631 --> 00:06:44,517 get it back, right, with a plan? 179 00:06:46,558 --> 00:06:50,477 Yes. I'm sorry. Those vermin called this morning, 180 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,597 gave me instructions on where to bring this... 181 00:06:52,598 --> 00:06:55,417 two million dollars in bearer bonds. 182 00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,517 Holy shit, we should've kept the disk. 183 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,517 Safe... from the bad guys. 184 00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:02,437 And by "we," obviously I meant "you." 185 00:07:02,438 --> 00:07:03,557 So... 186 00:07:03,558 --> 00:07:06,557 Wow. Hurtful. 187 00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:08,457 Okay, let's go meet these bastards. 188 00:07:08,458 --> 00:07:10,457 Okay. A, you won't need that. 189 00:07:10,458 --> 00:07:12,527 And B, we need to check in with the agency. 190 00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:14,143 Or... roll with me... we don't 191 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:15,597 check in yet, or at all, 192 00:07:15,598 --> 00:07:17,441 which means we decide how many 193 00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:19,407 hours we worked on this case, 194 00:07:19,408 --> 00:07:21,587 and not Cyril, who, I hate to bring this up, 195 00:07:21,588 --> 00:07:24,507 just this morning, in front of everybody, 196 00:07:24,508 --> 00:07:27,448 made you his giant bitch. 197 00:07:29,428 --> 00:07:31,467 Well, you two coming, or what? 198 00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:33,527 Okay. They said come alone, but I don't drive, 199 00:07:33,528 --> 00:07:35,447 so they said I could bring my chauffeur. 200 00:07:35,448 --> 00:07:37,587 So somebody gets a snappy uniform, 201 00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:40,467 and somebody else gets to hide in the trunk. 202 00:07:40,468 --> 00:07:42,588 I trust milady shan't be 203 00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:44,607 overly discomfited whilst in the boot. 204 00:07:44,608 --> 00:07:46,996 I bet you get this all the time, but 205 00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:49,577 have you ever done any modeling, or... 206 00:07:49,578 --> 00:07:53,527 Oh, and just so you know, a woman chauffeur is a... 207 00:07:53,528 --> 00:07:55,487 ow... 208 00:07:55,488 --> 00:07:57,487 Chauffeuse, 209 00:07:57,488 --> 00:07:59,418 you dumb idiots. 210 00:08:04,456 --> 00:08:06,838 Wait. What? 211 00:08:06,839 --> 00:08:08,038 What do you mean, they haven't checked in? 212 00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:11,858 Uhhh... 213 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:13,998 I mean that... 214 00:08:13,999 --> 00:08:16,058 they haven't checked in. 215 00:08:16,059 --> 00:08:18,058 Wha... So no one's heard from them? 216 00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:20,838 - Uh-uuhhh. - No-o-ope. 217 00:08:20,839 --> 00:08:22,858 So we've got two agents in the field... 218 00:08:22,859 --> 00:08:24,362 "Investigators"! I thought I 219 00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:25,918 was very clear about that. 220 00:08:25,919 --> 00:08:28,008 And also about how excessive spinning 221 00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:29,978 causes premature wear on the bearings! 222 00:08:29,979 --> 00:08:31,019 - Cyril... - And I bet they 223 00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:32,008 haven't checked in, 224 00:08:32,009 --> 00:08:33,503 because they're trying to stick it to 225 00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:34,918 the man, who, in this case, is me. 226 00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:37,008 - And in this case only. - Stop spinning! 227 00:08:37,009 --> 00:08:38,239 - Cyril, you stop. - What, 228 00:08:38,264 --> 00:08:40,028 protecting innocent bearings? 229 00:08:40,029 --> 00:08:41,908 - Being yourself! - What? 230 00:08:41,909 --> 00:08:43,898 Ooohh! 231 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,048 - Excuse me? - Cyril, you have been given 232 00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:48,048 the opportunity of a lifetime... 233 00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:50,978 a new job, a new city where no one knows you, 234 00:08:50,979 --> 00:08:53,008 which means you can reinvent yourself. 235 00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:55,948 You can be anyone you want. 236 00:08:55,949 --> 00:08:59,048 So why would you keep being you? 237 00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:00,858 Huh. 238 00:09:00,859 --> 00:09:02,008 And that goes for the rest of you. 239 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:04,898 Don't be the same feckless idiots you were 240 00:09:04,899 --> 00:09:06,858 when this was a spy agency. 241 00:09:07,969 --> 00:09:09,978 Oh, come on. Just literally yesterday, 242 00:09:09,979 --> 00:09:11,982 you were all so excited about your 243 00:09:12,007 --> 00:09:13,928 first case, and now look at you. 244 00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:17,851 So get off your collective ass and 245 00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:19,938 get me a sit-rep on my field agents! 246 00:09:19,939 --> 00:09:21,028 "Investigators." 247 00:09:21,029 --> 00:09:23,958 I am, you know, still the boss. 248 00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:27,878 Well, but only when I'm not here. 249 00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:29,978 Okay, I think we're here. 250 00:09:29,979 --> 00:09:31,988 Do you? Do you think that, Lana? 251 00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,828 Calm down, Fran Trunkington. 252 00:09:34,829 --> 00:09:36,018 - Forced. - Oh, for the... 253 00:09:36,019 --> 00:09:38,828 - Trunky Brewster, then. - Ehh! 254 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,109 Oh, man, I hope that's not them. 255 00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:44,018 Although that seems unrealistic. 256 00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:47,918 Okay, Archer, we've got nine... check that... ten bandits, 12:00. 257 00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:50,018 Copy that, Mav. What's the hard deck? 258 00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:52,028 Okay, you know what? 259 00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:55,919 Never mind. Come on, Poppin' Fresh. 260 00:09:57,909 --> 00:10:00,898 - Are you coming? - Are you gonna open my door? 261 00:10:00,899 --> 00:10:02,918 I know, right? She's like... 262 00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:04,918 Ow! 263 00:10:04,919 --> 00:10:07,838 So, are you and Archer, 264 00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:09,918 - you know? - Unfortunately. 265 00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,829 You the Jew lawyer? 266 00:10:16,829 --> 00:10:18,391 Yes. Yes. I believe 267 00:10:18,416 --> 00:10:19,838 we spoke on the phone. 268 00:10:19,839 --> 00:10:21,828 - You got the money? - Yes. 269 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,166 Two million dollars in bearer 270 00:10:23,191 --> 00:10:24,918 bonds, as per our verbal agreement. 271 00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:26,928 What are you doing? Get the disk. 272 00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:29,948 Oh, well, get a load of Miss Daisy. 273 00:10:31,889 --> 00:10:33,859 - Ehh. - Now, you give the 274 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,828 case to Ocho there, 275 00:10:35,829 --> 00:10:39,998 and I'll give Miss Daisy the D-isk. 276 00:10:39,999 --> 00:10:42,828 You done? 277 00:10:42,829 --> 00:10:44,058 Almost. But I gotta ask... 278 00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:46,039 - Where's the frickin' money? - What? 279 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,048 - Run! - What... 280 00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:53,878 Son of a... 281 00:10:54,999 --> 00:10:57,233 Man, I hope you got health insurance. 282 00:10:57,258 --> 00:10:57,978 Look... 283 00:10:57,979 --> 00:10:59,958 Shut up! 284 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,998 The rest of you, mount up. 285 00:11:01,999 --> 00:11:04,038 Sandy Trunkin. 286 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,968 Trunkin Hines. Archie Trunker. 287 00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:09,928 Ooh, Archie Trunker's Place. 288 00:11:09,929 --> 00:11:11,838 Hmm. 289 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:12,958 That was quick. 290 00:11:12,959 --> 00:11:14,058 Trunk... 291 00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:16,038 Trunkingham Palace... 292 00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:19,938 Trunkminster Fuller. 293 00:11:30,929 --> 00:11:32,048 This is Lana Kane. Please leave a... 294 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:35,008 Five times, straight to voice-mail! 295 00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:37,938 - Y'all, that's not like her. - You think she's in danger? 296 00:11:37,939 --> 00:11:39,990 Who knows? If they went to meet the 297 00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:41,928 blackmailers, no backup, then... 298 00:11:41,929 --> 00:11:45,058 Aw, jeez, you guys are freaking me out! 299 00:11:46,889 --> 00:11:49,948 Okay, so as distasteful as it may be, 300 00:11:49,949 --> 00:11:52,928 - you have to at least try him. - No! No. 301 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,672 I don't care if they are in danger. 302 00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:56,028 I am not calling Sterling. 303 00:11:56,029 --> 00:11:59,908 Voicemail hoax! Voicemail hoax! 304 00:11:59,909 --> 00:12:01,429 I don't care if they're 305 00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:02,923 getting stuffed into a wood chipper. 306 00:12:06,899 --> 00:12:09,038 Huh? Wuzza? Oh, man. 307 00:12:10,989 --> 00:12:12,938 We better be at a bar. 308 00:12:12,939 --> 00:12:15,018 You, move the limo. As matter of fact, 309 00:12:15,019 --> 00:12:18,878 - move it all the way down to Pearl's. - Aw, be a shame to crush it. 310 00:12:18,879 --> 00:12:21,038 Yeah? Be a shame to crush your skull, too, 311 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,038 but these are the times we live in. 312 00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:26,059 Come on, Miss Daisy. Move that ass. 313 00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:30,828 Son of a... 314 00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:42,908 Hello? 315 00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,058 - Wait for it. - Mother? 316 00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:46,838 Oh, for... Mother, it's me. 317 00:12:46,839 --> 00:12:47,938 What the... 318 00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:48,988 Get out! No, no, no, no! 319 00:13:01,909 --> 00:13:04,948 He's biting me! 320 00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:17,908 Son of a bitch! 321 00:13:17,909 --> 00:13:20,868 - I'm gonna cut you with that! 322 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,998 - Kill him! 323 00:13:25,989 --> 00:13:28,918 - You're gonna die! - Oh, my finger! 324 00:13:30,899 --> 00:13:32,898 - I'm gonna kill you! 325 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,918 - Get him to the wood chipper! 326 00:13:34,919 --> 00:13:38,018 Eat shit! I'll see you in hell! 327 00:13:38,019 --> 00:13:39,978 No, no, no, no! Please don't! 328 00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:50,858 No! 329 00:13:50,859 --> 00:13:52,878 Please don't... 330 00:13:52,879 --> 00:13:54,938 No, you can't! You can't! You can't! 331 00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:55,998 Sorry... 332 00:14:03,919 --> 00:14:05,998 - No, no, no, no. Hey! 333 00:14:08,879 --> 00:14:11,948 - What did I tell you? - Yeah, yeah. 334 00:14:11,949 --> 00:14:14,968 Well, but you gotta hand it to him. 335 00:14:14,969 --> 00:14:18,868 This was the best voice-mail ever! 336 00:14:18,869 --> 00:14:20,848 It would've been. 337 00:14:20,849 --> 00:14:22,928 - It would've been. - Ocho! 338 00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:25,848 Mas tequila, pendejo! 339 00:14:25,849 --> 00:14:27,879 Then we're gonna go have us a long 340 00:14:27,904 --> 00:14:29,933 talk with Miss Daisy and the Jew. 341 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:42,021 So, would you say it's serious? 342 00:14:42,022 --> 00:14:43,981 Ugh! I would, Alan. 343 00:14:43,982 --> 00:14:45,971 We actually have a child together, so... 344 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,811 Ew... Oh, I meant, aww. 345 00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:50,911 So, I would love it if you would shut up 346 00:14:50,912 --> 00:14:53,801 so I can think of a way out of here. 347 00:14:53,802 --> 00:14:55,791 Uh, wanna try yanking on the pipe? 348 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:56,991 - Phrasing. - What the... 349 00:14:56,992 --> 00:14:59,871 Boom. Deal with it. 350 00:14:59,872 --> 00:15:03,021 - Archer? - Aka Trunkmaster Flex. 351 00:15:03,022 --> 00:15:04,961 - Meh. - Oh, whatever. 352 00:15:04,962 --> 00:15:06,386 And what happened? How'd you 353 00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:07,861 screw up a simple handoff? 354 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,861 Wha... He didn't bring the money. 355 00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:11,821 Senator Stay Puft, rebuttal? 356 00:15:11,822 --> 00:15:13,941 I didn't bring it, because... 357 00:15:13,942 --> 00:15:15,981 because I don't have it. 358 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:19,021 - Wha... Well, who does? - I don't know. Wall Street? 359 00:15:19,022 --> 00:15:21,901 Creditors? The three different mortgage companies? 360 00:15:21,902 --> 00:15:23,861 Whoever thought it was a good idea to start 361 00:15:23,862 --> 00:15:26,021 a faux hillbilly restaurant chain called "Po' People"? 362 00:15:26,022 --> 00:15:27,460 Which was me, actually. I've given 363 00:15:27,485 --> 00:15:29,021 her some terrible investment advice. 364 00:15:29,022 --> 00:15:31,021 Wait. Did you mean "Po' Folks"? 365 00:15:31,022 --> 00:15:33,011 No. Those guys sued our dicks off. 366 00:15:33,012 --> 00:15:35,881 Wait. So, Veronica Deane is broke? 367 00:15:35,882 --> 00:15:37,791 No. She's... 368 00:15:37,792 --> 00:15:38,991 Oh, my God. Is that what this is? 369 00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:41,911 You're just intrigued by the idea of a sugar mama? 370 00:15:41,912 --> 00:15:44,801 - No, not at all. - Wait. What? 371 00:15:44,802 --> 00:15:45,951 - What? - She's not broke. 372 00:15:45,952 --> 00:15:47,841 But she doesn't have two million bucks for blackmail, 373 00:15:47,842 --> 00:15:48,991 so I figured I'd just bluff it, 374 00:15:48,992 --> 00:15:51,001 and then you guys would take 'em down. 375 00:15:51,002 --> 00:15:53,222 - Why would you think that? - Come on. 376 00:15:53,247 --> 00:15:54,871 I know who you guys are. 377 00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:55,961 Okay. Jesus. 378 00:15:55,962 --> 00:15:58,991 Look, I am so, so sorry we made your dogs sick. 379 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,851 You what? 380 00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:01,991 - What? - It was you! 381 00:16:01,992 --> 00:16:04,801 Jesus Christ! You broke into my house! 382 00:16:04,802 --> 00:16:05,794 - You stole the disk! - Ugh! 383 00:16:05,819 --> 00:16:06,911 What were you gonna say? 384 00:16:06,912 --> 00:16:09,871 That I know you used to be spies! 385 00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:11,011 Ohhhh. 386 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,791 - And assholes! - Stop. 387 00:16:13,792 --> 00:16:15,971 - St... Stop it. Stop it. - Ow! 388 00:16:15,972 --> 00:16:18,423 Sorry, but we got duped. We thought we 389 00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:20,811 were stealing the disk for Veronica. 390 00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:21,981 Oh, now you're on a first-name basis. 391 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:25,011 And, again, seriously, about the dogs... 392 00:16:26,022 --> 00:16:27,931 - Ow! - Well? 393 00:16:27,932 --> 00:16:31,001 What is wrong with this thing? Why can't I dial out? 394 00:16:31,002 --> 00:16:33,881 Because it's not... Hey, wait. Hang on. Stop. 395 00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:35,801 Stop. You guys hear that? 396 00:16:35,802 --> 00:16:37,891 My God! 397 00:16:37,892 --> 00:16:39,851 He actually trained crickets. 398 00:16:39,852 --> 00:16:41,901 No. I think that's... Jeezy Petes! 399 00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:44,941 - The line's still open! - What? What are you saying? 400 00:16:44,942 --> 00:16:48,841 - That's not Archer's voice-mail. - Those are real-life crickets! 401 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,157 - So? - So everything we 402 00:16:50,182 --> 00:16:51,801 heard really happened. 403 00:16:56,952 --> 00:16:59,791 Well, what are we waiting for? 404 00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,831 I'm not giving you my pants. 405 00:17:01,832 --> 00:17:03,471 Well, I won't proceed without pants, 406 00:17:03,496 --> 00:17:05,021 Lana, and I can't wear his pants. 407 00:17:05,022 --> 00:17:07,931 Yeah. Plus, he's all dirty and bloody. 408 00:17:07,932 --> 00:17:09,851 And it's not like yours won't fit me. 409 00:17:09,852 --> 00:17:10,951 What is going on with your thighs? 410 00:17:10,952 --> 00:17:13,011 Oh, my God. They're jodhpurs! 411 00:17:13,012 --> 00:17:16,911 No. I know. I mean lately. 412 00:17:19,952 --> 00:17:21,951 I bet that would've hurt even with pants. 413 00:17:21,952 --> 00:17:23,953 Okay, you're gonna take the next exit. 414 00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:25,901 We're only a few miles out. 415 00:17:25,902 --> 00:17:27,831 And how are you tracking his phone? 416 00:17:27,832 --> 00:17:29,971 Same way I track all of your... Um, so, 417 00:17:29,972 --> 00:17:33,811 you might even wanna start getting over now for that exit. 418 00:17:33,812 --> 00:17:34,941 Bee-boop. 419 00:17:34,942 --> 00:17:36,851 Oh, get up, you big baby. 420 00:17:36,852 --> 00:17:38,021 I honestly don't think I can. 421 00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,427 - Archer... - Seriously, I was 422 00:17:39,452 --> 00:17:40,941 already pretty exhausted. 423 00:17:40,942 --> 00:17:42,207 Physically, obviously, I'm 424 00:17:42,232 --> 00:17:43,911 pretty sure I got stabbed twice. 425 00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,961 - Goddamn, dude. - But, man, emotionally? 426 00:17:46,962 --> 00:17:48,991 It's been a long time since I killed anybody. 427 00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:50,396 You killed some of the bikers? 428 00:17:50,421 --> 00:17:51,941 They tried to wood-chipper me! 429 00:17:51,942 --> 00:17:53,941 - No. I meant... - Although to be fair, 430 00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,941 if you open what you think is an empty trunk, 431 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,363 and suddenly there's a guy in 432 00:17:57,388 --> 00:17:58,981 there, you're gonna overreact. 433 00:17:58,982 --> 00:18:00,962 Kind of like that time I walked into that 434 00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:02,941 motel room, and it was full of seagulls. 435 00:18:02,942 --> 00:18:04,881 - Archer. - God. 436 00:18:04,882 --> 00:18:06,941 - Myrtle Beach is a train wreck. - Archer! 437 00:18:06,942 --> 00:18:08,624 I don't know, Lana. I may have. 438 00:18:08,649 --> 00:18:09,981 I was in rampage mode. 439 00:18:09,982 --> 00:18:12,941 I definitely knocked out, like, seven or eight, so... 440 00:18:12,942 --> 00:18:15,021 - Goddamn! - Yeah. Pretty beat. 441 00:18:15,022 --> 00:18:16,543 So, is there any liquor back here? 442 00:18:16,568 --> 00:18:18,021 Like, even cooking sherry, or... 443 00:18:18,022 --> 00:18:19,932 My point is, there's probably only 444 00:18:19,957 --> 00:18:21,951 two or three bikers left out there. 445 00:18:21,952 --> 00:18:23,877 So go beat 'em up. Get the keys, get 446 00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:25,801 the disk, and let's get outta here. 447 00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:26,961 Already? 448 00:18:26,962 --> 00:18:30,871 Don't you even wanna know who hired us for the handoff? 449 00:18:30,872 --> 00:18:32,891 It was you! 450 00:18:32,892 --> 00:18:35,951 You had the fake Veronica Deane hire us to steal that disk! 451 00:18:35,952 --> 00:18:37,991 What? Get... 452 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:40,851 Ow! No, it wasn't me. 453 00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:42,687 I'd never do that to Veronica. 454 00:18:42,712 --> 00:18:44,791 If that disk gets out, she'll be ruined. 455 00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:47,841 And I'm... And I'm in love with her. 456 00:18:47,842 --> 00:18:49,001 Of course you are. 457 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,871 Oh, don't be jealous, baby. 458 00:18:50,872 --> 00:18:52,951 You and I will always have what we had. 459 00:18:52,952 --> 00:18:55,931 - Wait. What? What? - Uh, so, who did hire you? 460 00:18:55,932 --> 00:18:58,001 That's for me to know and you to find out. 461 00:18:58,002 --> 00:18:59,755 Well, and for us to find out, 462 00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:01,931 too, since we don't know, either. 463 00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:03,881 Or why I said that out loud. 464 00:19:03,882 --> 00:19:05,953 What we do know is that our cut 465 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,891 of two mil is ten percent. 466 00:19:07,892 --> 00:19:10,059 So, unless somebody's got two hundred grand 467 00:19:10,084 --> 00:19:11,931 burning a hole in their pocket, I... 468 00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:13,596 I have a cashier's check for that exact 469 00:19:13,621 --> 00:19:15,011 amount, literally, in my pocket. 470 00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:17,339 It was to pay these private dicks. 471 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,801 But if their actions 472 00:19:18,802 --> 00:19:20,801 don't constitute breach of contract, then... 473 00:19:20,802 --> 00:19:22,821 Well, I'll just go ahead and take that. 474 00:19:24,012 --> 00:19:26,812 I already got dibs. 475 00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:29,841 And why the hell are you naked? 476 00:19:29,842 --> 00:19:33,801 It's after Labor Day. 477 00:19:33,802 --> 00:19:34,961 You ain't gonna get away with this. 478 00:19:34,962 --> 00:19:37,841 I'm gonna hunt you down, like... Ow! 479 00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:39,921 Tell it to the cops, shit-bird. 480 00:19:39,922 --> 00:19:41,402 Although obviously never speak to the 481 00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:42,831 police without an attorney present. 482 00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:44,831 Thanks for coming, you guys. 483 00:19:44,832 --> 00:19:46,851 - Oh, my tits, whaaat! - No. 484 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,971 - We're back to saying "phrasing." - I'm not. 485 00:19:48,972 --> 00:19:51,851 Well, apparently we're not saying "thank you." 486 00:19:51,852 --> 00:19:53,941 Thank you, Mother, for arriving. 487 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,851 Wait. So, could Ray not be bothered? 488 00:19:55,852 --> 00:19:58,022 He's outside, securing the perimeter. 489 00:20:01,932 --> 00:20:03,831 Say I won't. 490 00:20:03,832 --> 00:20:05,901 Good work, Ray. Thanks for coming. 491 00:20:05,902 --> 00:20:07,021 Oh, my tits, whaaat! 492 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:08,891 What are you wearing? 493 00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:10,021 What are you wearing? 494 00:20:10,022 --> 00:20:11,891 Thought I might have to go undercover. 495 00:20:11,892 --> 00:20:14,011 - As what? - A biker, dum-dum. 496 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:17,811 It's just you look kind of gay. 497 00:20:17,812 --> 00:20:19,981 - I look gay. - A little bit. Yeah. 498 00:20:19,982 --> 00:20:22,871 Well, did you see Lana? Hey, Earl Campbell called. 499 00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:24,792 He wants his thighs back. 500 00:20:29,989 --> 00:20:33,260 Okay, so, first case... pros and cons. 501 00:20:33,261 --> 00:20:35,254 Well, we got tricked into blackmailing 502 00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:37,350 Veronica Deane, beloved Hollywood icon. 503 00:20:37,351 --> 00:20:39,420 - Yeah, that's definitely a con. - But then we... 504 00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:43,220 Well, I totally kicked ass and got the disk back. 505 00:20:43,221 --> 00:20:44,360 I will begrudge you a pro. 506 00:20:44,361 --> 00:20:47,220 Although I didn't get to give it to her in person. 507 00:20:47,221 --> 00:20:49,240 - Maybe over cocktails. - Pro. 508 00:20:49,241 --> 00:20:50,761 Also, we never found out what's on it 509 00:20:50,786 --> 00:20:52,320 or what "Longwater" even means, so... 510 00:20:52,321 --> 00:20:54,260 Because it's none of our business! 511 00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:56,300 Oh, and speaking of business, 512 00:20:56,301 --> 00:20:57,781 Shapiro said he'd recommend us to any 513 00:20:57,797 --> 00:20:59,360 of his clients that might need PI work. 514 00:20:59,361 --> 00:21:02,240 Ooh, the case of the missing kishke. 515 00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:04,360 Oh, and I also got stabbed. 516 00:21:04,361 --> 00:21:06,390 How is that a pro, you dick? 517 00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:08,280 Learning experience? 518 00:21:08,281 --> 00:21:10,370 Well, joke's on you. I didn't learn anything. 519 00:21:10,371 --> 00:21:12,270 There's your fridge magnet. 520 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,410 So, all in all, I'd say our first case was 521 00:21:14,411 --> 00:21:16,370 a bit of a mixed bag. 522 00:21:16,371 --> 00:21:18,250 Oh, I don't know. 523 00:21:18,251 --> 00:21:20,370 Two hundred thousand dollars for two days' work? 524 00:21:20,371 --> 00:21:22,390 That's not too shabby, people. 525 00:21:22,391 --> 00:21:24,440 Two hundred thousand divided 526 00:21:24,465 --> 00:21:26,270 by eight equal shares. 527 00:21:26,271 --> 00:21:29,270 That's... Holy shit-snacks! 25 grand each? 528 00:21:29,271 --> 00:21:31,200 Wait. What do you mean, "equal shares"? 529 00:21:31,201 --> 00:21:33,210 What do you think this is, a pirate ship? 530 00:21:33,211 --> 00:21:36,280 Well, there's an easy way to find out. 531 00:21:36,281 --> 00:21:38,196 Like, I assume there's some sort 532 00:21:38,221 --> 00:21:40,290 of leather-bound ship's registry 533 00:21:40,291 --> 00:21:43,240 in the office of the Lord High Admiral. 534 00:21:43,241 --> 00:21:46,360 Ugh! Fine! I'll find it myself. 535 00:21:46,361 --> 00:21:47,625 Idiots! 536 00:21:47,783 --> 00:21:53,722 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.Addic7ed.com -