1 00:00:01,066 --> 00:00:03,067 - Yam! Yom! Yom! - Stop. Stop it. 2 00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:05,069 - Yah! Huh! Yum! Yum! Yum! - Pam! 3 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,438 Yum-yum-yum! Yum-yum-yum! Gimme! Gimme! 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,508 Yum-yum! Gimme! - Goddamn it, will you 5 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,349 - calm the shit down?! - Wow. 6 00:00:13,469 --> 00:00:15,469 Well?! This isn't good practice. 7 00:00:15,471 --> 00:00:17,938 My baby's not gonna be a coke addict! 8 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:19,773 - Wow. - Oh, I'm sorry. 9 00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:22,910 - What would you like to call it? - Mm, cocaine enthusiast? 10 00:00:22,912 --> 00:00:25,980 Is it too late to not have it? 11 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:29,483 Yes! For the jillionth time, I want this baby, so... 12 00:00:29,485 --> 00:00:32,386 Well, sure, now. Wait until you're waist-deep in 13 00:00:32,388 --> 00:00:35,956 dirty diapers, or he's up with the croup and there's no bourbon 14 00:00:35,958 --> 00:00:38,592 in the house. 15 00:00:38,594 --> 00:00:41,395 Ugh! Then fast-forward to him 16 00:00:41,397 --> 00:00:44,064 knocking up the au pair, flunking out of college, and 17 00:00:44,066 --> 00:00:48,402 then singlehandedly bankrupting your drug cartel! 18 00:00:48,404 --> 00:00:50,504 - Wait-- college? - Yeah, right? 19 00:00:50,506 --> 00:00:52,940 - My point is... - All babies should 20 00:00:52,942 --> 00:00:56,110 - be drowned? - Not all babies. 21 00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:59,113 - Just baby people. - Don't you have a... 22 00:00:59,115 --> 00:01:01,081 - tractor pull to headline? - Yes. 23 00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:02,283 - No! - Aw... 24 00:01:02,285 --> 00:01:04,218 No more of that bush-league nonsense. 25 00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:08,022 We're getting Cherlene a record deal. 26 00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:11,258 - Sterling can't screw that up. - Look, I think maybe 27 00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:13,093 Archer's just been trying too hard. 28 00:01:13,095 --> 00:01:15,129 - Ha! - I'm serious. I mean, 29 00:01:15,131 --> 00:01:18,032 as sad as it is, deep down, he just wants your approval, and 30 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:20,467 lately you've been putting so much pressure on him. 31 00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:23,604 Well? How hard is it to sell 2,000 32 00:01:23,606 --> 00:01:27,541 measly pounds of cocaine?! Or whatever we're down to now, 33 00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:32,846 1,900 and... What?! Pam! You damn coke fiend! 34 00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:34,848 Ow! Ow! Ow! 35 00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:38,352 - Malory, stop! - I mean, did you used 36 00:01:38,354 --> 00:01:40,354 - to be a man? - Pam? 37 00:01:40,356 --> 00:01:42,356 - I don't know. Did you? - Have you been 38 00:01:42,358 --> 00:01:44,391 - stealing coke? - Wha...? No! 39 00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:46,961 You think, if I had 100 pounds of coke, I'd be sitting here 40 00:01:46,963 --> 00:01:48,963 playing choo-choo-spoon with a tranny? 41 00:01:48,965 --> 00:01:51,598 Oh, for the...! I'm pregnant! 42 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,634 It said, baffling medical science. 43 00:01:53,636 --> 00:01:56,370 - Ow! - Enough! But, Pam, 44 00:01:56,372 --> 00:02:00,007 I swear to God, if I find out you're lying to me... 45 00:02:00,009 --> 00:02:02,476 - I'm not! About this! - Well, then where the 46 00:02:02,478 --> 00:02:05,846 - hell did it go?! - Oh, you were serious? 47 00:02:05,848 --> 00:02:07,848 - Yes! - No! Stop! 48 00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:09,550 - Gimme! - Archer, move your... 49 00:02:09,552 --> 00:02:11,084 - Ray! - Stop it! 50 00:02:11,086 --> 00:02:13,420 Let me do it! Come on! Just for a minute! 51 00:02:13,422 --> 00:02:15,139 - No! - Goddamn it! 52 00:02:15,141 --> 00:02:17,090 - What could go wrong?! - Uh, you could 53 00:02:17,092 --> 00:02:18,609 crash it! Just like you crashed 54 00:02:18,611 --> 00:02:20,561 - the damn space shuttle! - Oh, my 55 00:02:20,563 --> 00:02:23,930 God, right? Remember that? 56 00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:29,236 Ray, you remember? You got paralyzed? 57 00:02:29,238 --> 00:02:32,239 How do you not remember that? 58 00:02:57,403 --> 00:03:08,499 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 59 00:03:10,926 --> 00:03:13,345 Oh, my God, Cyril, for the... We're not just 60 00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:16,467 waltzing into Colombia with 100 pounds of cocaine. 61 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,604 We're sneaking in under the radar. 62 00:03:18,606 --> 00:03:20,606 Literally and figuratively. 63 00:03:20,608 --> 00:03:22,608 - I... - Is there a name 64 00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:25,478 for that when it's both? Like in French or something? 65 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,446 I meant once we get there! 66 00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:29,782 Your plan is to just ask around for...? 67 00:03:29,784 --> 00:03:32,118 La Madrina, yes, the Godmother. 68 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:34,236 - I know what it means. - I hate I took Latin. 69 00:03:34,238 --> 00:03:36,205 Maybe someday you'll meet a mummy. 70 00:03:36,207 --> 00:03:38,457 But what do you think is gonna happen when three 71 00:03:38,459 --> 00:03:40,609 gringos waltz in and start asking around for the woman 72 00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,546 - who runs the entire Cali cartel? - Well, again, Cyril, 73 00:03:43,548 --> 00:03:45,548 - we won't actually be waltz... - You know what I mean! 74 00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:47,550 I also know what I'm doing! 75 00:03:47,552 --> 00:03:49,552 Yeah, showing mommy who's a big boy. 76 00:03:49,554 --> 00:03:51,587 What?! 77 00:03:51,589 --> 00:03:53,589 Oh, you want to see who's a big boy? 78 00:03:53,591 --> 00:03:56,676 Archer! 79 00:03:56,678 --> 00:04:01,063 - Take it back! - Cyril, help! 80 00:04:01,065 --> 00:04:04,066 Uh, uh... Oh. 81 00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,685 Ow! 82 00:04:05,687 --> 00:04:09,238 Ow! I don't know where Archer is! 83 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,141 Then find him, you bearded buffoon! 84 00:04:12,143 --> 00:04:14,476 Use the... the surveillance satellite. 85 00:04:14,478 --> 00:04:16,478 Oh, you were serious? 86 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,647 - Wha...?! - Don't ask her that. 87 00:04:18,649 --> 00:04:21,200 - She hates it. - ISIS had satellites. 88 00:04:21,202 --> 00:04:23,619 The whatever we are, Gang Who Couldn't Sell Coke Straight, 89 00:04:23,621 --> 00:04:25,654 - doesn't even have cable. - But what about 90 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,656 - all these? - They're all aimed 91 00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,658 - inside the house. - Well, what the hell 92 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,660 - good is that for?! - Eh, I'm making 93 00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:33,662 about two grand a month on the Gilfcam. 94 00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,798 - Ew! - The what cam? 95 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,801 "What is your..." 96 00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:44,774 Hmm. Dear Gilf Hound 69... 97 00:04:44,776 --> 00:04:47,610 Jesus Christ. Thanks for the concussion, 98 00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:49,645 dicks. Well? 99 00:04:49,647 --> 00:04:52,148 Oh, and just so you know, that's exactly how 100 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:54,400 - Len Koenecke died. - Who? 101 00:04:54,402 --> 00:04:57,787 "Who." Typical. 102 00:05:05,747 --> 00:05:08,748 Goddamn it, will you slow the shit down?! 103 00:05:08,750 --> 00:05:11,801 I'm sorry, was there 104 00:05:11,803 --> 00:05:13,836 a question? 105 00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:16,389 Because nobody made you two come here. 106 00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:19,725 I didn't put a gun to your heads. 107 00:05:19,727 --> 00:05:22,511 I mean, not literally to your heads. 108 00:05:22,513 --> 00:05:27,566 So, if you'll hide your vaginas, it's time to gather some intel. 109 00:05:27,568 --> 00:05:30,152 Intel? No, do not compare what we 110 00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:33,239 - do now to intelligence work. - Don't worry, I won't! 111 00:05:33,241 --> 00:05:36,525 Because selling cocaine to cocaine dealers doesn't really 112 00:05:36,527 --> 00:05:39,495 compare to helping overthrow democratically elected 113 00:05:39,497 --> 00:05:42,448 governments! Like the U.S. did in Guatemala, 114 00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:46,202 Chile, Nicaragua, uh... Oh! Iran?! 115 00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:48,904 Because-- spoiler alert-- those didn't really work out so great! 116 00:05:48,906 --> 00:05:51,540 But that's okay, because I'm pinning my hopes for the 117 00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:54,260 future on the next big shipment of Stinger missiles to that 118 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:58,180 ragtag bunch of Mujahideen heroes in Afghanistan! 119 00:05:58,182 --> 00:06:01,917 I... Wow, it seems like you've actually given this 120 00:06:01,919 --> 00:06:04,303 - some thought. - Plus, I mean, it's not 121 00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:06,255 like we're selling cocaine to little kids. 122 00:06:06,257 --> 00:06:08,590 And ISIS did do a lot of bad stuff. 123 00:06:08,592 --> 00:06:10,643 We blew up an oil pipeline. 124 00:06:10,645 --> 00:06:13,446 Not to mention a bunch of people, which, compared to 125 00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:15,815 that, this is kind of a victimless crime. 126 00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:18,734 If it even is a crime. I mean, is it? 127 00:06:18,736 --> 00:06:21,287 He said, sucking at being a lawyer. 128 00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:23,539 I'm actually an excellent lawyer. 129 00:06:23,541 --> 00:06:25,941 And I'm excellent in the field, so... 130 00:06:25,943 --> 00:06:28,410 Maybe at ISIS. But on ISIS missions, you had 131 00:06:28,412 --> 00:06:30,796 big dossiers with all the information you could 132 00:06:30,798 --> 00:06:33,299 - possibly need. - Yeah, but I never 133 00:06:33,301 --> 00:06:36,302 read them. 134 00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:39,472 What's up, pendejos? 135 00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:43,642 - Ay, mierda. - Oh, goddamn Latin. 136 00:06:43,644 --> 00:06:46,896 I just feel like such a tourist. 137 00:06:50,335 --> 00:06:53,943 Colombia? What are they doing in Colombia? 138 00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:55,476 - I... - And how did you know 139 00:06:55,596 --> 00:06:57,325 where they were? I thought you couldn't 140 00:06:57,424 --> 00:06:59,112 - track them. - Ray posted a 141 00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:02,615 Snacklesnap. It's where you take artsy photos 142 00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:04,429 of your food and share it with people. 143 00:07:04,431 --> 00:07:05,872 Snacklesnamps is awesome. 144 00:07:05,997 --> 00:07:08,497 Look, here's some cocaine puddin; here's some more 145 00:07:08,499 --> 00:07:10,582 cocaine puddin. Ooh, cocaine puddin. 146 00:07:10,584 --> 00:07:12,885 Why would anyone want a picture of someone else's 147 00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:15,203 - food? - Well, no, they 148 00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:17,205 - don't. - Yeah, everybody hates 149 00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:19,207 - it. - ♪ Mmm, 150 00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:21,477 Snacklesnaaamps...! ♪ But why take cocaine 151 00:07:21,479 --> 00:07:24,713 - to Colombia? - I assume as a sample? 152 00:07:24,715 --> 00:07:27,232 To show some cartel boss that our product is high-quality and 153 00:07:27,234 --> 00:07:30,052 - already in the States? - Saving them the 154 00:07:30,054 --> 00:07:32,888 transport cost. But those three waltzing around 155 00:07:32,890 --> 00:07:35,658 Colombia with millions of dollars of cocaine?! 156 00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,993 My God, they could already be dead! 157 00:07:37,995 --> 00:07:40,529 Oh, Malory, come on. This is Archer, okay? 158 00:07:40,531 --> 00:07:42,665 - He can take care of himself. - Yeah, and I doubt 159 00:07:42,667 --> 00:07:44,833 - they were actually waltzing. - I'm sure they're 160 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:49,738 - totally fine. - Archer! 161 00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:54,710 Woooohoohoohoooo!! 162 00:07:54,712 --> 00:07:57,963 Here's to you, Hal Needham. 163 00:08:00,918 --> 00:08:04,937 Man, why bother with coke? I just made 100,000 pesos for 164 00:08:04,939 --> 00:08:07,723 - jumping through a stupid window. - Yeah, that's about 165 00:08:07,725 --> 00:08:09,892 - $50. - Still, though. 166 00:08:09,894 --> 00:08:12,027 ¿Dijiste cocaína? ¿La quieres? 167 00:08:12,029 --> 00:08:15,864 No, gracias. Yo tengo mucha cocaína. 168 00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:19,068 Por lo tanto, buscamos a La Madrina. 169 00:08:19,070 --> 00:08:22,071 Hijo de puta. 170 00:08:25,576 --> 00:08:27,743 You look for the Godmother? 171 00:08:27,745 --> 00:08:30,629 Yes, for a very lucrative business proposition. 172 00:08:30,631 --> 00:08:34,133 - Do you know her or... - No, but I can 173 00:08:34,135 --> 00:08:37,052 make a phone call, and someone will come. 174 00:08:37,054 --> 00:08:40,556 Until then, just keep drinking your guaro, huh? 175 00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:42,891 About 15 steps ahead 176 00:08:42,893 --> 00:08:45,127 of you. 177 00:08:45,129 --> 00:08:47,980 Pinche gringo. 178 00:08:47,982 --> 00:08:49,848 Hmm, see what I did there? 179 00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,967 Uh, overdosed on liquid snake? 180 00:08:51,969 --> 00:08:53,969 Made a connection, Cyril. 181 00:08:53,971 --> 00:08:56,572 I gained his trust. 182 00:08:56,574 --> 00:08:58,774 Oh, my God. Although, now that you mention 183 00:08:58,776 --> 00:09:01,243 it... I think I actually may 184 00:09:01,245 --> 00:09:03,579 have... 185 00:09:03,581 --> 00:09:05,581 - God. - Snake poisoning. 186 00:09:08,953 --> 00:09:10,953 Damn it, Archer, I told you. 187 00:09:10,955 --> 00:09:13,038 What's that? I can't hear you over the sound 188 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,041 - of I have snake poisoning. - Moveri! 189 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,160 Placet moveri, iudices. 190 00:09:18,162 --> 00:09:22,931 Well, it's your own 191 00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:25,050 - fault. What the... - What're you... 192 00:09:25,052 --> 00:09:27,803 Shh! Shut up. I think I heard a troop truck 193 00:09:27,805 --> 00:09:30,055 pull up out front. 194 00:09:30,057 --> 00:09:33,809 ¡No se muevan! ¿Dónde están? 195 00:09:33,811 --> 00:09:37,062 It's the army. 196 00:09:37,064 --> 00:09:39,648 Shit. It's not the army. 197 00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:41,900 We're not that lucky. They're paramilitarios. 198 00:09:41,902 --> 00:09:43,902 But what do they... 199 00:09:43,904 --> 00:09:46,688 - Hey, what are you doing? - Waiting for you. 200 00:09:46,690 --> 00:09:48,991 And to be honest, having second thoughts about it. 201 00:09:48,993 --> 00:09:52,661 Serious shit, come on. 202 00:09:55,216 --> 00:09:57,299 ¡Abre la puerta! 203 00:09:58,702 --> 00:10:04,389 - Okay, Ray... - Ow. 204 00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:06,308 Who are these paramilitarios? 205 00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:08,393 Either heroic vigilantes trying to restore law 206 00:10:08,395 --> 00:10:10,846 and order because the cops can't or won't... 207 00:10:10,848 --> 00:10:13,065 Well, that doesn't sound too bad. 208 00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:15,267 ...or right-wing terrorists with a boner for 209 00:10:15,269 --> 00:10:17,686 - kidnapping and murder. - That does. 210 00:10:17,688 --> 00:10:19,688 Moot point, though, really, if you're an American 211 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:21,723 down here selling cocaine. I can't believe that guy ratted 212 00:10:21,725 --> 00:10:23,725 - us out. - Yeah, and after you 213 00:10:23,727 --> 00:10:25,393 - made a connection. - Now, really? 214 00:10:25,395 --> 00:10:27,279 - Well... - Shut up. 215 00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:29,498 Ray, hug the shadows, get to the Land Cruiser and be ready. 216 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,750 Don't turn it on. Do not touch the brake pedal. 217 00:10:31,752 --> 00:10:34,236 Cyril, I'm gonna take out the guard; you're gonna take the 218 00:10:34,238 --> 00:10:36,404 - truck's distributor cap, got it? - Uh... 219 00:10:36,406 --> 00:10:38,874 ¡Se fueron! 220 00:10:40,878 --> 00:10:46,465 Ay. ¿Qué tiene adentro, hebillas? 221 00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:50,302 Okay, go, go, go, go, go. 222 00:10:50,304 --> 00:10:53,088 - But... - Look, I realize this 223 00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:56,758 is somewhat my fault, Cyril. We can talk about it later. 224 00:11:03,784 --> 00:11:07,769 So, funny story. 225 00:11:07,771 --> 00:11:11,456 So, hey. 226 00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:14,459 Sorry in advance for this. 227 00:11:14,461 --> 00:11:19,781 Cyril, did you get it? 228 00:11:19,783 --> 00:11:21,800 - Yes! - Then come on! 229 00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:28,123 Hit it! 230 00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:30,142 - Cyril! - I'm coming as fast as 231 00:11:30,144 --> 00:11:32,294 - I can! - Guys, we really need 232 00:11:32,296 --> 00:11:36,965 to talk about getting "phrasing" back in the rotation. 233 00:11:36,967 --> 00:11:39,401 Woooohoohoohoooo!! 234 00:11:39,403 --> 00:11:41,403 Hammer down! 235 00:11:44,585 --> 00:11:48,581 Oh, I'm sorry, Ray. By "hammer," I meant 236 00:11:48,695 --> 00:11:50,946 - "accelerator." - It's floored, and it's 237 00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:53,064 - overheating. - Well, then stop, you 238 00:11:53,066 --> 00:11:55,450 - idiot. - I am not the idiot who 239 00:11:55,452 --> 00:11:57,903 packed the engine compartment full of cocaine. 240 00:11:57,905 --> 00:12:00,488 Oh, right. Uh, we should get that out. 241 00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:02,574 Good idea, that will give us something to do while we 242 00:12:02,576 --> 00:12:05,043 sit here and wait for those guys to drive up and murder us. 243 00:12:05,045 --> 00:12:07,495 Ray, they're not driving anywhere without a 244 00:12:07,497 --> 00:12:11,132 distributor cap, so... 245 00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:14,085 Cyril, may I see the distributor cap? 246 00:12:16,456 --> 00:12:18,673 Whew, man, Cyril, you had me worried. 247 00:12:18,675 --> 00:12:21,092 I-I did? - Yeah, see, I always 248 00:12:21,094 --> 00:12:24,629 worried I would die without knowing how it felt to get my 249 00:12:24,631 --> 00:12:29,568 throat slashed and my tongue yanked out through the gaping hole. 250 00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:34,973 Are we seriously done with "phrasing"? 251 00:12:34,975 --> 00:12:37,776 I mean, not right then necessarily, although "tongue" 252 00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:40,645 and "gaping hole" are kind of begging for it. 253 00:12:40,647 --> 00:12:44,749 Gaping hole. 254 00:12:44,751 --> 00:12:47,876 Begging for it. Eh... 255 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:53,803 - Drop your weapon! - Drop your weapons. 256 00:12:54,045 --> 00:12:55,486 - ¿Qué? - Archer! 257 00:12:55,606 --> 00:12:57,632 Are you crazy? They'll kill us. 258 00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,807 Will you shut up? I know what I'm doing, Cyril. 259 00:12:59,809 --> 00:13:02,876 It's all about machismo. Last chance! 260 00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:07,815 - Okay, uno, dos... - ¡No dispare! 261 00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:11,018 - ¡No dispare! - What in the... 262 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,287 I told you, all about the machismo. 263 00:13:13,289 --> 00:13:15,656 - Archer? - ¿Quien es más macho? 264 00:13:15,658 --> 00:13:17,691 - Archer? - Sí, Ramon, Archer 265 00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:19,760 - es más... - Archer! 266 00:13:19,762 --> 00:13:21,862 What?! Oh. 267 00:13:21,864 --> 00:13:24,731 Well, is that the army? 268 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:26,834 I don't think so. One guy's wearing a T-shirt from 269 00:13:26,836 --> 00:13:29,937 - a Phi Mu Fun Run. - We called them Phi Moo. 270 00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:32,139 Well, then who the hell is it? 271 00:13:32,141 --> 00:13:35,242 Soy La Madrina. And I think you have been 272 00:13:35,244 --> 00:13:39,196 - looking for me, no? - Only my whole life. 273 00:13:39,198 --> 00:13:41,248 - Goddamn it. - ¡Oye, tanto! 274 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,200 - ¿Qué miras?! - ¡Vámonos! 275 00:13:43,202 --> 00:13:45,619 - ¡Vámonos! - And you, guapo, 276 00:13:45,621 --> 00:13:48,038 - you follow me. - Oh, yeah, uh, about 277 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:52,826 - that... - So, I have a question. 278 00:13:52,828 --> 00:13:56,163 Since we're now essentially captives of the Cali cartel, 279 00:13:56,165 --> 00:13:59,299 and being dragged off to God knows what terrible fate... 280 00:13:59,301 --> 00:14:02,886 - Why the hell are you smiling?! A-- we're not their 281 00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:05,355 captives; we're about to be their business partners. 282 00:14:05,357 --> 00:14:08,175 B-- I bet there's a pretty decent chance La Madrina owns 283 00:14:08,177 --> 00:14:11,195 a tiger. And C-- "guapo" means 284 00:14:11,197 --> 00:14:13,346 "handsome." 285 00:14:13,348 --> 00:14:16,683 It's your mother. 286 00:14:16,685 --> 00:14:18,685 Wha...? Give me that. 287 00:14:18,687 --> 00:14:20,687 "Putting pressure on him." 288 00:14:20,689 --> 00:14:23,240 If anything, I've been too lax, but please, let me benefit from 289 00:14:23,242 --> 00:14:25,242 your vast experience as a mother and... 290 00:14:25,244 --> 00:14:26,860 - Hey! - Hello, Ray? 291 00:14:26,862 --> 00:14:28,361 - Put Sterling on the... - Hey, damn it, Archer! 292 00:14:28,363 --> 00:14:30,030 - Give it h... - Give... Ray, give 293 00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:31,698 - it... Ray, give it. - I'm serious. 294 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,167 I'm serious, Archer, cut it out. 295 00:14:33,169 --> 00:14:35,035 Damn it, give it here. 296 00:14:35,037 --> 00:14:37,004 Sterling? 297 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,256 The mailbox of... 298 00:14:39,258 --> 00:14:42,226 ...is full. 299 00:14:42,228 --> 00:14:45,879 Good-bye. 300 00:14:45,881 --> 00:14:48,098 If you're satisfied with your voice mail greeting, 301 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:50,901 press one. 302 00:14:50,903 --> 00:14:52,903 - How did you...? - You remember that day 303 00:14:52,905 --> 00:14:54,905 I took your falafel, and you were chasing me all around the 304 00:14:54,907 --> 00:14:57,157 - living room in your wheelchair? - Yes. 305 00:14:57,159 --> 00:14:59,893 Yeah, so I recorded that, added some sound effects, 306 00:14:59,895 --> 00:15:02,829 mixed it, called my phone and left it as a message, stole your 307 00:15:02,831 --> 00:15:06,416 phone, got into the voice mail settings, called your phone from 308 00:15:06,418 --> 00:15:09,169 a landline and played the message from my phone, then put 309 00:15:09,171 --> 00:15:12,072 your phone back. Which I think is why it sounds 310 00:15:12,074 --> 00:15:14,074 a little compressed, but whatever. 311 00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:16,076 - The... - Shut up, we're here. 312 00:15:16,078 --> 00:15:20,264 And remember, I got dibs on the tiger. 313 00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:25,352 Well, I have to admit, Mr. Archer, your proposal 314 00:15:25,354 --> 00:15:28,305 - is very... surprising. - Not as surprising as 315 00:15:28,307 --> 00:15:31,441 somebody named The Godmother looking like you. 316 00:15:31,443 --> 00:15:34,094 Really. 317 00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:36,947 - And what were you expecting? - I guess like a 318 00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:39,933 - Mexican Mrs. Garrett? - ¿Qué? 319 00:15:39,935 --> 00:15:41,935 Or Colombian, or whatever, I... 320 00:15:41,937 --> 00:15:43,870 You talk almost 321 00:15:43,872 --> 00:15:45,956 too much. But you have aroused my 322 00:15:45,958 --> 00:15:49,793 - curiosity. - Just your curiosity? 323 00:15:49,795 --> 00:15:52,946 No. 324 00:15:52,948 --> 00:15:55,749 But first, business, then 325 00:15:55,751 --> 00:15:59,753 pleasure, eh? 326 00:15:59,755 --> 00:16:02,256 - Wha... - Javier! 327 00:16:02,258 --> 00:16:04,258 - Sí, Madrina. - Pruébalo, por 328 00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:07,761 favor. If it is as pure as you say, 329 00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:10,180 and you have as much as you say... 330 00:16:10,182 --> 00:16:13,267 Oh, my God, we've got something like 900,000 331 00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:15,468 - kilos. - Eh, ¿cuanto? 332 00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:18,071 Wait, no, that's grams, so... 333 00:16:18,073 --> 00:16:21,358 - So, 900 kilos. - I... however many are 334 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,910 - in a shit-ton. - Permiso, Madrina. 335 00:16:23,912 --> 00:16:27,030 - Noventa y seis por ciento puro. - ¡Vaya! 336 00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:32,419 - A toast, then, to new friends. - Just friends? 337 00:16:32,421 --> 00:16:36,506 No. 338 00:16:36,508 --> 00:16:41,795 So, shall we have sex? 339 00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:52,889 Oh, man... How is it noon? 340 00:16:52,891 --> 00:16:55,809 - And where the heck is Archer? - I assume bothering a 341 00:16:55,811 --> 00:16:59,479 - tiger. - Oh, God. 342 00:16:59,481 --> 00:17:02,949 Please, no más. Oh, my God. 343 00:17:02,951 --> 00:17:05,819 - Oh, are you sure? - I was sure, like, 344 00:17:05,821 --> 00:17:07,821 three hours ago. And back then, I could still 345 00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:10,123 - feel my legs. - Are you sure you 346 00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:13,076 cannot make love to me just once more? 347 00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:15,295 Not without a blood transfusion, no. 348 00:17:15,297 --> 00:17:17,497 Very well. 349 00:17:17,499 --> 00:17:20,367 - Ow! - Which is why you don't 350 00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:22,369 - bother tigers. - Then you may call 351 00:17:22,371 --> 00:17:26,807 me Coronel Ana Maria Delgado de la Policía Nacional. 352 00:17:26,809 --> 00:17:28,975 - What?! - Sí, mi amor. 353 00:17:28,977 --> 00:17:31,812 I am-- how you say?-- deep cover. 354 00:17:31,814 --> 00:17:34,264 Wait, no! 355 00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:36,516 - No, no, no, no, no! - At least let me take 356 00:17:36,518 --> 00:17:41,988 - some churros! - Malditos gringos. 357 00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:45,225 As if American demand for cocaína wasn't already 358 00:17:45,227 --> 00:17:49,863 destroying us, now you even try to smuggle it into my country? 359 00:17:49,865 --> 00:17:52,282 - You make me sick! - Then why'd you have 360 00:17:52,284 --> 00:17:54,401 - sex with me? - Por qué? 361 00:17:54,403 --> 00:17:58,405 Eres guapo. A La Culebra! 362 00:17:58,407 --> 00:18:03,794 So, I get that you're 363 00:18:03,796 --> 00:18:08,081 mad, but they are in pretty dangerous territory, and Ray 364 00:18:08,083 --> 00:18:11,935 always answers his phone in the field, so I'm... 365 00:18:11,937 --> 00:18:14,971 - actually worried. - Well, if you're so 366 00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:17,190 worried, why don't you go down there and rescue him? 367 00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:19,443 - I... - Please? 368 00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:24,364 Go find my son and bring him home to me. 369 00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:28,268 And I didn't even get to meet her tiger. 370 00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:32,456 If she even had a tiger. Plus, at this rate, we're gonna 371 00:18:32,458 --> 00:18:34,574 - run out of coke, huh? - Now, there's a moot 372 00:18:34,576 --> 00:18:36,576 - point. - Since we're being 373 00:18:36,578 --> 00:18:39,946 trucked off to La Culebra, the most notorious prison in South 374 00:18:39,948 --> 00:18:42,215 - America. - Pff, notorious. 375 00:18:42,217 --> 00:18:44,134 Cyril, please, I was in the Lubyanka. 376 00:18:44,136 --> 00:18:46,420 Well, were you sent there by an undercover cop who 377 00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:48,972 knows she'll be murdered if anyone finds out she's La 378 00:18:48,974 --> 00:18:51,007 - Madrina? - No, idiot, I was... 379 00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:53,143 Oh. 380 00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:55,145 Yeah, so how long do do you think we're gonna last 381 00:18:55,147 --> 00:18:57,147 - in prison? - Hmm. 382 00:18:57,149 --> 00:18:59,983 If we even make it to prison! 383 00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:05,605 Am I right, fellas? Fellas, am I right? 384 00:19:05,607 --> 00:19:08,909 Guys, if we get out of this, the first thing I'm gonna do, 385 00:19:08,911 --> 00:19:10,911 - I swear to God... - If you say "buy a 386 00:19:10,913 --> 00:19:14,224 tiger," we will beat you to death with your own shoes. 387 00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:27,784 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com