d Got too much time And nowhere to go d
d But I drink enough to say hello d
d d But I'm high enough
Not to give a... d Goddamn it!
Cut! Okay, whoa!
Cut it, fellas!
Man, I am blowing this jug.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You are what's wrong with me!
It's 5:50 in the goddamn morning!
Uh, duh, it's called the golden hour.
- The... - The light takes on a
- special quality. - I know what it means,
- but... - Then you know it's
the best time to record stuff, so...
Film! It's the best time to record
things on film! It cannot possibly have any
- effect on recording audio. - Oh, was I supposed
- to be recording that? - Krieger!
Goddamn it.
We're losing the light!
We're not losing me blowing this jug.
Are you bothering them?
I am, and also, happy Opposite Day.
- Is she bothering you? - Yes!
- Stop bothering them. - They're the ones...
They are trying to make a record, Lana, and there
is a finite amount of golden hour.
- Which, again... - I know, but if
- Cherlene's happy... - Outlaw country,
woooooo!
"Woo," exactly. Then I am happy.
Or at least I will be, once we start selling some records.
I'll be happy when I can sleep without getting up to
- pee every six minutes. - Pfft, you think
you're not sleeping now? Wait till that thing's born.
- Oh! - So do yourself and
those bosoms of yours a favor, and get a wet nurse.
That cannot still be a thing.
Preferably one who cooks.
We had a Dominican, just lovely, bosoms like... well, like yours,
but umpteen babies later. My God, Sterling loved her.
She was with us nearly four years.
Now what was her name? I want to say Mariela?
Maricela? Wait, or Ruby?
- I don't... - The point is, they
steal from you; it's just the cost of doing business.
Steal what?
We haven't been paid in months, Malory; I'm pretty much broke.
Join the club. Because believe me, if I had
the money, I would get the hell out of this... Hillbilly Hilton.
Am I supposed to be recording this?
- Krieger! - Watch it!
- Goddamn it! - Whoa!
Jug down!
- Jug down! - As difficult as that
would be.
I'm 'a plant a red fern for ya, jug.
Item one: Woodhouse, scrape.
Yes, mum.
And gripe all you want, but no one is eating Eggs
Woodhouse until you people start bringing in some money!
But they were already cooked; what good does it do
- to throw them away? - None.
That's the whole point. And no cocaine donuts for you!
Aw, come on! I got to load up my body before
- Krieger sells it all! - Before what?
- What? - Krieger's selling the
- cocaine online. - Are you insane?
Yeah, if it's insane to use an X-gen asymmetric onion
router and digital cryptocurrency to sell your
cocaine anonymously and completely risk-free.
Ah... Or a lot of the other shit I do.
But... so do people e-mail you, or...?
No. It's like shopping online, only
for cocaine. I've already sold, uh...
- Wow, almost 800 grand worth. - Really?
- But how do we get paid? - With a totally
untraceable digital currency that we can exchange for real
U.S. dollars whenever we want. I call 'em Kriegerrands.
And then how do they get the cocaine?
We pack it up and Oh, for...
I'll send up some help. And, missy, you had better watch it.
Jesus,
- these taste like calluses. - Ew.
- Gross. - That's so accurate.
Lana. Lana.
La...
What's up her gigantic giant ass?
Wh... Probably you shitheads!
- What did we do? - Besides keeping
everybody up all night with your damn hootenannies...
Wait, that was a hootenanny?
...has anybody even thought about throwing her a
- goddamn baby shower?! - Ew!
- Um... - Pfft, you mean a
- bastard sh... Ow! - Cyril, shut your
pout-hole, accept the fact that Lana was so far out of your
league that impregnating her would've basically been
interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!
And then go get a cake. Okay, Ray...
Ray, Cyril, go help Krieger pack the cocaine.
Cherlene, go pick or grin or something, and the rest of
- you... - We're throwing Lana
- a baby shower. - Wh...?
We haven't done that yet? I said move, people!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Idiots. All right, I need them here
making music and packaging cocaine, so this baby shower is
up to you. Don't cock it up like you did
- Texas! - Hey!
Oh, blow it out your ass!
I was hoping you'd do that.
Okay, we should make a list. Item one: some paper to write
said list on.
Item two... Woodhouse! Get in here!
- Sir? - Here, here's...
400 bucks; go get all the stuff for a baby shower: cake,
decorations, some of those water guns shaped like dicks...
I think that's bachelorette parties.
Really? Wow, okay, that explains...
Uh, never mind. And, Woodhouse,
if you spend any of this on heroin, you better buy enough to
- O.D. on, bec... - Will do!
- Will don't! - Wait, so if Woodhouse is
getting everything we need for the party, then...
Oh, not everything, Pam.
Because... you and I are going to get Kenny Loggins to play
- Lana's baby shower. - Goddamn it.
Pam. Danger zone. d Wait, wait, wait, no.
- d This is it. - Yeah, you guys box
it up, I slap on a mailing label from the printer, bing bang
- boom, it's good to go zoom. - So, why are we in
- our underwear? - Eh, don't worry
- about it. - Because it kind of seems
like this is about you and not really about Lana.
Okay, A, Lana loves Kenny Loggins.
- Really? - I don't know.
I mean, I assume she does. I do.
Whoa, whoa, where you think you're going?
Uh, well, to give Mr. Loggins his wardrobe.
Not without a pass you're not.
- Yeah, we... - Hey, I appreciate you're
just doing your job, but if Kenny doesn't get this
embroidered hippie shirt and these gigantic bell-bottoms, I
highly doubt you'll have a job tomorrow.
Look, he ain't even here.
He's probably still at the Tuntmore.
Now, was that so hard... neck nuts?
Good instincts back there, Pam.
That's what we field agents call... Hmm.
Guess I'm not a field agent anymore though.
Man, you got to miss it.
- What a rush! - Yeah, I miss it, but
calm down. Jesus, it's not like you killed
a guy. Taxi!
Okay, so phase two may call for
some field craft. A, there's no way a superstar
like Kenny Loggins is gonna be registered under his own name.
Yeah. It's not like he's Messina.
Don't do that. Don't ever do that!
- Sorry! Geez! - You should be.
Jim Messina is a genius, and without him, no Poco.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, we'll probably need to
access the computer terminal at reception, so just follow my
- lead. - Could I just follow
- Kenny Loggins? - Wha...?
Well, maybe because it's in the rider,
which I'll be happy to come down there and shove up his ass.
Uh, excuse me, Mr.Loggins?
- Hi, I'm, uh... Uh-huh,
uh-huh, uh-huh. - What the shit,
- Loggins?! - Ricky, bad
- touch! - Hands off Mr. Loggins!
Hands off me, Lurch. Look at my suit.
Zap, Ricky, zap!
Hey... Aah!
Uh, hang on. Hit him again.
- Wait! No, no, no, no! - What?! I...
What's that?
No, no, never mind. It's just a fan.
Holy shit zaps!
Are you okay?
Yeah, and I don't know about you, but
I'm gonna be pretty upset
if I end up having to murder Kenny Loggins.
Meh.
Yeah, that's fair! Kick out the guy whose custom
Super 220 wool suit was ruined by Kenny Loggins!
And where were you during all that?
Oh, man, I was like, "What?!"
- So, what's up? What's the plan? - The plan is
- shut up and come on. - No, we have to play
games at the baby shower. There's Don't Drop the Baby, uh,
- Dirty Diaper Game... - What in God's name is
- the Dirty Diaper Game? - Oh, my God, it's
hilarious. You get a bunch of newborn
diapers, then you microwave different candy bars...
Stop! Yeah, let me just stop you there, because if
you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your
- eyes until you are blind. - Goddamn, Shawshank.
Uh, Malory?
- What?! - What... do you want?
- Jesus. - I, um...
Okay, so, as you know, or should know, I'm pregnant and...
Lana, it's too late to...
Okay, let me stop you. Having the baby-- don't know why
that's such a mindbender for everybody, but...
- Well... - But... Hush. I have a
lot of pretty major expenses coming up, and since we haven't
been paid... Look, I hate to ask, but
- I need... - WIC!
- What? - It's like welfare but
for babies. I don't know-- I'm not a
Democrat. But I think they give you a
birth cheese. I only had $200.
Not you. Really? $200?
Okay, there's $200 for the uniforms, $100 for the
sweet wigs and another $300 for Kenny Loggins' room number.
Mm-hmm. - So, I'm curious-- why
didn't you just call Cherlene, who owns the hotel?
And I'm curious-- why didn't you remind
- me about that until just now? - You said shut up,
- J. Alfred Gotrocks. - What?
We haven't been paid in forever.
Where are you getting all this money?
I, uh... sold some artwork?
Goddamn it! What did I tell you about
- staying up on the wall, ghosts?! - Okay, since I am or
was a world-class secret agent, when we get up to his room, do
- actually follow my lead or... - Hang on, let me grab a
- name tag. - Ruby! Ruby!
Is there a Ruby? See if there's a Ruby.
- Is there a Ruby?! - It's pretty close to
- Ruby. - No, Pam, it isn't.
- Well, why do... - Don't worry about it.
Let it go. And give me one of those mints.
- Dude, they're cocaine. - Of course
- they are. - Right?
All right, here's the penthouse.
Now, I cannot stress this enough, Pam: follow my lead.
- Okay. - Room ser...
- Housekeeping! - What
- did I just... - Prostitute!
What the hell is your
- problem? - Besides my face hurts?
Why do I pay you 20 grand a month?
I don't want to read about Kenny Loggins; I want to read about
K-Log. Jesus, don't ever get a
- publicist. - Well, as a lowly room
service waiter, I probably won't, but...
- Wow. Okay, uh... K-Log didn't
- order room service. - Sure, you did.
No, I didn't.
A housekeeper and/or
- prostitute? - You think
K-Log needs to pay for sex, do you?
Mm... no, but, that being said, I do think he needs
to reevaluate this whole K-Log thing.
Oh, yeah? Well, I think you need to
- reevaluate your face. - My... Oh.
Okay. I can explain that.
- How? - Uh...
- Lip chemo? - It's the crazy guy from the lobby!
Which means you're no prostitute.
And that being said,
I am open to blow jobs for money. I only got eight bucks on me,
- but... - Pam!
Self-esteem, buddy. Come on. Now, let's just put the gun down
- and... - Mr. Loggins, please
- advise. K-Log.
K-Log, damn it. - Yeah, I'm kind of with
- him on that one. - Oh, really?
So you agree with Borgnar's pathetic little errand boy?
Wait, what? And also who?
Well, I'll tell you the same thing I told
Borgnar that night in Caracas. It's not for sale.
- At any price. - Who the hell is
Bor...
Hi-yah!
Ricky, attack!
Yeah, Ricky.
Okay. Okay, good.
- Pam, are you good? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, good, okay. 'Cause this time, I may actually
- murder Kenny Loggins. - Wait, wait, wait, wait,
- wait! - What, Pam?!
First see if he wants a beej.
Loggins! Loggins!
Now, look, before either of us does something we'll both
regret, let's...
Okay, that's just unacceptable. Pam, I'm going in!
Okay!
Oh, wow, he really
likes the Paco Rabanne.
Tell Borgnar I'll see him in hell!
Wonder if it's too late to get Messina.
Holy shit. What kind of colossal idiot
- would build a pool like that? - I just want to go
on record as saying that a glass swimming pool on
the penthouse balcony is, without a doubt,
the absolute worst idea that I have ever heard in my entire
goddamn life. But you're the men, so...
But can you imagine banging in
that thing? Why, yes, Archer, yes, I can.
Drop it!
- Drop it on the ground. - Do you know how bad
that is for it? I will place it on the ground,
- but... - You think
K-Log won't shoot, punk? - No, I think K-Log is
- out of bullets. - What?
How did you...
It's just a thing I do.
Now what the hell is in that briefcase?
As if you don't know.
- I honestly don't. - Liar.
Look, I put my weapon down, I'm not a
threat; how would I know what's in...?
Aah!
Pam, no, no, no, no,
no, don't, no, don't...
- Shit. - Ooh, okay.
So one of...
One fairly predictable thing is gonna happen now, so...
Aah! Aah!
Loggins!
- Ooh. - You
saved me. But why?
What do you mean why?
I wanted you to play a baby shower.
- Wait, what? - The Dirty Diaper
game? Water guns shaped like dicks?
- A baby shower. - Oh.
- So, Borgnar? The briefcase? - I don't know anyone
named Borgnar. And I don't want your crazy
briefcase. What the hell is even in that
- thing? - Don't worry
about it. Just let it go.
- I should let you go. - Look, I'm...
- you know... - Sorry?
Mm, more just embarrassed.
Is there some way I can make this all up to you?
- A beej! - Pam!
And no, Kenny Loggins, there's no way to make up for almost
killing me over a briefcase full of what I can only assume
is either plutonium or a human soul.
Although, that being said..
- Yes. - Wow, snotty.
Okay, fine, so during the boring parts, just scream "outlaw
country." Yeah,
- absolutely not. - d Revvin' up your
engine, listen to her howlin' roar... d
Ugh!
Happy baby shower!
- Oh, my God, you guys. - Me first, here!
It's a breast pump. Go ahead and use it now if you
- want. - I do not want, Krieger,
but thank you. Aw, and thank you, Pam.
- It's cocaine! - Oh, of course it is.
And also, what the hell happened to you?
- This big bastard. - What big...?
- Whoa. - Uh, hi.
- Um, this is a car seat. - Wha...
Goddamn it! This whole stupid baby shower
- was my idea! - d Highway
to the danger zone d I'll take
you right into the danger zone... d
- Here. - Oh, wow, a check.
- For $80. - Please take me back.
Aw, Cyril. Who's next?
Well, I suppose me. And all of this.
It's a layette. Onesies, binkies,
itty bitty booties, blah blah blah.
- From baby Bergdorf's. - Oh, my God, it must've
- been a fortune. - Well, I can afford
it. Apparently, Krieger's online
pharmacy is going gangbusters, so...
Pardon me, mum. This was delivered for
- Dr. Krieger. - What...?
- Not now, you shriveled... - Wait a minute.
That's the cocaine. So this whole thing was just a
- sham? - Well, only if by
"sham" you mean "sham." Krieger!
Aah! But you were temporarily so happy!
Krieger, get back here!
- Yay! - d You'll never
say hello to you until you get it on red line overload d
d You'll never know what you can do until you get it
up as high as you can d d Go...
Wow. This baby shower actually went
a lot better than I would've imagined.
- Right? - And what happened to
- you? - Your present, Lana,
- is what happened. - And it's...
where, exactly? crib!
Uh, which I want you to have for the baby.
- Archer. - Because you're
important to me, so I made Woodhouse get it from Mother's
- storage unit, because I own him. - Archer.
Archer, that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever given me,
- ever. - Well, yeah.
But, I mean, the big present, obviously, is, uh...
"Danger Zone." "Danger Zone."
The... Lana, the song.
d Highway to the danger zone
Right into the danger zone... Ooh... d
Oh. Oh, okay.
"Danger Zone," Lana. You know, how I'm always saying
- "danger zone"? - Uh, kinda?
- Yes? - Well...
- It's from a song? - Yes, it's from a
song! Recorded by Grammy winner and
possible Faustian bargain-maker Kenny goddamn Loggins!
Okay, calm down.
- So who's Beard Guy? - Are you...?
That's Kenny Loggins!
From Kenny Loggins Roasters?
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