1 00:00:00,969 --> 00:00:04,031 And so, if I could direct your attention to these 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,404 visual aids... you will see that from our 3 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:10,208 initial supply of 1,000 kilos of cocaine, we... 4 00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,293 Hang on, dummy, we had a ton of cocaine. 5 00:00:12,295 --> 00:00:16,097 No, we... Well, we had a tonne, T-O-N-N-E, also known 6 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,383 - as a metric ton, but... - Metric. 7 00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,385 - Who uses metric? - Every single country on 8 00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,387 the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma. 9 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:24,188 - Wow, really? - Yup. 10 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,190 'Cause you never think of those other two as 11 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,192 - having their shit together. - Anyway, as you can 12 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,310 - see... - Why are they 13 00:00:29,312 --> 00:00:30,611 thermometers? 14 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,280 I thought they were cocks. 15 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:35,116 - Wait, they're not? - No... they... are... 16 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:38,236 - not... cocks! - Okay! Jesus, you people. 17 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:40,238 Next time, remind me to get shot in the head. 18 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,240 Uh, Ron, next time, get shot in the head. 19 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,375 Sterling, shut up. Cyril, continue. 20 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,495 So, as you can see, we are already down to 125 21 00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:52,216 kilos of cocaine, which was worth about $6 million, so... 22 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,218 And, wait, how much is that in pounds? 23 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,287 Forget pounds! We're doing kilos! 24 00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:58,139 - No, I meant pounds... - Sterling! 25 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,291 Exactly. As in Doctor Who money. 26 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,427 How do you stand there and crack wise when this 27 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,096 - is all your fault? - My fault? 28 00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:08,182 I only lost 44.092 pounds of it, mother. 29 00:01:08,184 --> 00:01:11,436 It's Pam's fault we had to give the Yakuza 100 kilos. 30 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:15,106 And this other five-- spoiler alert-- she ate! 31 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,308 Yeah, and would now be a good time to talk about Pam's 32 00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,444 - cocaine addiction? - Or the inspiring story 33 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:23,197 of her heroic struggle to finally triumph over it? 34 00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:25,366 - What are you eating? - Yogurt! 35 00:01:25,368 --> 00:01:27,318 Give me that! 36 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,153 - Hey! - Lick it. 37 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:32,290 Well, can't unhear that. 38 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:35,460 Holy shit, yogurt is amazing! Why have I never tried yogurt?! 39 00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:38,179 How have you never tried yogurt? 40 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,181 Mmm, I didn't know it was that good. 41 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,183 It's good because it's cocaine! 42 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,335 Oh, my God. And little kids eat it? 43 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,337 Cyril, you said it was locked up. 44 00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,339 It is. In the cage in the pantry. 45 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,341 Then how did she get it? 46 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:58,483 That is it! You're going to rehab. 47 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:01,319 What?! No, I can't! And you can't make me! 48 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,321 Yeah, is that even necessary? 49 00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:05,323 I think she's in a pretty good place. 50 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,325 She's going and that's final, and... 51 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,460 I swear to God, if you send me to freakin' rehab, I'll 52 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,462 - go right to the cops! - What?! 53 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,382 - Oh, come on. - You wouldn't dare. 54 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,218 Oh, yeah?! Just try... 55 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,388 Goddamn, Woodhouse. 56 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,424 Only thing for a grass, mum. 57 00:02:23,426 --> 00:02:28,688 And, sir, I'm afraid your breakfast will be four minutes late. 58 00:02:28,808 --> 00:02:30,381 Typical. 59 00:02:56,495 --> 00:03:07,150 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 60 00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:11,112 What are you doing? Come on. Tighter. 61 00:03:11,352 --> 00:03:13,352 Oh, for the... That's tight enough-- we're not making 62 00:03:13,472 --> 00:03:15,458 - tit bondage porn. - That's a thing? 63 00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:17,051 Oh, yeah. 64 00:03:17,053 --> 00:03:18,886 Ditto. I just don't want her to escape. 65 00:03:18,888 --> 00:03:21,538 You know how strong she is. Might as well be green and 66 00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:23,540 half-deaf. - What if we move the 67 00:03:23,542 --> 00:03:25,642 coke and lock her in the cage till she's clean? 68 00:03:25,644 --> 00:03:27,644 Hey, yeah, sweat it out, like Popeye Doyle. 69 00:03:27,646 --> 00:03:29,563 - How long would that take? - I don't know. 70 00:03:29,565 --> 00:03:31,565 - Couple of weeks? - Try couple of never. 71 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:34,551 This is Pam we're talking about, the poster child for addictive 72 00:03:34,553 --> 00:03:38,572 personality. What is wrong with you? 73 00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:41,575 I learned it by watching you. 74 00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:44,661 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, spoiler alert. 75 00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:47,581 - So, what do you suggest we do? - We throw her 76 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,917 a party. With an enormous cake! 77 00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:52,703 Cyril, can we spare another five pounds of cocaine? 78 00:03:52,705 --> 00:03:55,739 - Malory! - 2.27 kilograms, then! 79 00:03:55,741 --> 00:03:57,741 Who are you, Thomas Corwin Mendenhall? 80 00:03:57,743 --> 00:04:00,511 - Right? - We're not killing Pam! 81 00:04:00,513 --> 00:04:02,513 - Wait, what? - Jesus. Oh, come on in. 82 00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:04,515 - Make some more noise. - Just 'cause 83 00:04:04,517 --> 00:04:06,517 - now you're the fat one? - Um, I said we were not 84 00:04:06,519 --> 00:04:08,519 - killing her. - Oh. 85 00:04:08,521 --> 00:04:10,521 And, also, this is a baby. 86 00:04:10,523 --> 00:04:11,855 - Ew! - A baby, by the way, 87 00:04:11,857 --> 00:04:14,608 that I did not eat but to which I will give birth. 88 00:04:14,610 --> 00:04:16,693 - Ew! - Right? 89 00:04:16,695 --> 00:04:18,695 Well, if she won't go to rehab and you won't let her 90 00:04:18,697 --> 00:04:20,864 - die with dignity... - From an overdose of 91 00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:23,534 - cocaine cake?! - Oh, please. 92 00:04:23,536 --> 00:04:26,620 Change the word "cocaine" to "Cookie Puss" and that's how her 93 00:04:26,622 --> 00:04:28,622 obituary was going to read anyway. 94 00:04:28,624 --> 00:04:30,624 - What the... - I may have a simply 95 00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:32,626 - elegant solution. - Krieger. 96 00:04:32,628 --> 00:04:34,711 Right? This place is like a Habitrail-- 97 00:04:34,713 --> 00:04:36,914 there are secret passages everywhere. 98 00:04:36,916 --> 00:04:38,916 I think that's why the colored maids never felt 99 00:04:38,918 --> 00:04:41,802 safe. They'd be polishing a spittoon 100 00:04:41,804 --> 00:04:43,887 or whatever and suddenly... Grandpa. 101 00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:45,923 Yeah. And dressed up like a 102 00:04:45,925 --> 00:04:47,925 - ghost? - What is it with your 103 00:04:47,927 --> 00:04:50,644 family wearing ghost costumes to scare black people? 104 00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:52,813 What is it with you people making tit bondage 105 00:04:52,815 --> 00:04:56,483 - pornos in my ancestral home?! - Ah, einige 106 00:04:56,485 --> 00:04:58,769 - Tittenfreude, huh? - Ooh, ja. 107 00:04:58,771 --> 00:05:00,821 So what's all this about a solution? 108 00:05:00,823 --> 00:05:02,856 Aha! Yes. And what is on my finger, you 109 00:05:02,858 --> 00:05:04,858 - ask? - I promise you no one is 110 00:05:04,860 --> 00:05:06,860 - asking that. - Well, they should 111 00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:09,830 because this nearly microscopic, wittle-bitty guy is my new and 112 00:05:09,832 --> 00:05:12,833 - improved mind control chip. - Improved? 113 00:05:12,835 --> 00:05:15,836 On the one that made Len Trexler think he was a giant lettuce? 114 00:05:15,838 --> 00:05:18,589 Len Trexler... 115 00:05:18,591 --> 00:05:20,674 Who the hell is Len Trexler? 116 00:05:20,676 --> 00:05:23,510 - Never heard of him. - It's way improved, 117 00:05:23,512 --> 00:05:25,596 and look how tiny. I don't even need a drill-- I 118 00:05:25,598 --> 00:05:27,664 can inject it right through the temple. 119 00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,666 - Wait, what are we doing? - Stabbing science into 120 00:05:29,668 --> 00:05:31,518 - your brain. - What?! 121 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,520 It's for your own good, dear. 122 00:05:33,522 --> 00:05:35,772 Yeah, so you don't wind up giving blow jobs in a 123 00:05:35,774 --> 00:05:38,859 bus station toilet. But for cocaine. 124 00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:41,845 No! Let me go! 125 00:05:41,847 --> 00:05:44,615 Krieger, do you think a chip could cure someone of 126 00:05:44,617 --> 00:05:46,617 - stage fright? - No way! 127 00:05:46,619 --> 00:05:47,851 - Noop! - But you could be 128 00:05:47,853 --> 00:05:49,653 - famous. - I could be 129 00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:50,854 - lettuce! - Now, you listen to 130 00:05:50,856 --> 00:05:53,523 me, missy. You are getting a brain chip, 131 00:05:53,525 --> 00:05:56,543 and then you're going on the Grand Old Opera, and I don't 132 00:05:56,545 --> 00:05:58,662 care if it kills you be... 133 00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:00,664 Pam, honey, just calm 134 00:06:00,666 --> 00:06:02,799 down! 135 00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:04,801 Somebody do something! 136 00:06:04,803 --> 00:06:07,838 - Nobody do anything! - Lana... 137 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,873 Lana! 138 00:06:09,875 --> 00:06:11,875 - Krieger! - Yeah, I'm on it. 139 00:06:11,877 --> 00:06:14,595 Ow! Idiot. 140 00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:20,684 - Pam! - Lana...! 141 00:06:20,686 --> 00:06:22,819 This is only somewhat like that old Gypsy 142 00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:28,558 - woman said...! - Lana. 143 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,744 What?! God shit damn it, Archer, what?! 144 00:06:30,746 --> 00:06:33,614 - Um, never mind. - Archer, I s... 145 00:06:33,616 --> 00:06:35,616 The last thing you need right now is a big, 146 00:06:35,618 --> 00:06:37,784 shit-eating "I told you so." 147 00:06:37,786 --> 00:06:39,903 But it's exactly what you deserve. 148 00:06:39,905 --> 00:06:43,590 And, Krieger, I hope you have a lot more where this came from 149 00:06:43,592 --> 00:06:45,759 - because... - Super. 150 00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:47,878 Hunting women to force them to have surgery against their will. 151 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,913 It's for Pam's own good. 152 00:06:49,915 --> 00:06:51,915 She'll die if she doesn't quit eating cocaine. 153 00:06:51,917 --> 00:06:54,551 And who's gonna die if you don't get rich managing 154 00:06:54,553 --> 00:06:56,637 - Cheryl's singing career? - Maybe you. 155 00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:58,639 Now, get out there and have some fun! 156 00:06:58,641 --> 00:07:00,641 How could we not? 157 00:07:00,643 --> 00:07:02,643 Woodhouse, I swear to God, if you tell me lunch is four 158 00:07:02,645 --> 00:07:04,645 - minutes late... - No, sir. 159 00:07:04,647 --> 00:07:08,782 There's a Mr. Holly here. Sorry, an Agent Holly. 160 00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:12,619 From the FBI. 161 00:07:12,621 --> 00:07:16,623 But lunch is still a firm twelve. 162 00:07:16,625 --> 00:07:19,660 Firm twelve. 163 00:07:19,662 --> 00:07:24,781 You know, as in inches? Jesus, .3048 meters. 164 00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:27,179 Hi. Welcome to Nazi Canada! 165 00:07:27,299 --> 00:07:30,787 Eh? 166 00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:37,698 - Why is the FBI here? - Did he show you a warrant? 167 00:07:37,938 --> 00:07:39,346 No, sir, he... 168 00:07:39,466 --> 00:07:40,946 Then tell him to go piss off-- he can't come inside 169 00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:42,678 - without a warrant. - He... 170 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,160 Well, unless you invite him in. 171 00:07:44,252 --> 00:07:46,285 He's not a vampire, idiot. 172 00:07:46,287 --> 00:07:47,503 - If... - Plus it's daytime. 173 00:07:47,505 --> 00:07:50,339 If invited in, law enforcement can enter your home 174 00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:52,375 without a warrant. Once inside, under the doctrine 175 00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:55,461 of "plain view," anything illegal-- say, a truckload of 176 00:07:55,463 --> 00:07:58,464 cocaine in the kitchen-- can be lawfully seized as evidence. 177 00:07:58,466 --> 00:08:01,267 They can also enter a private residence under any number of 178 00:08:01,269 --> 00:08:03,469 exigent circumstances, like providing emergency assistance 179 00:08:03,471 --> 00:08:06,338 to an occupant, say, if they heard someone screaming... 180 00:08:08,276 --> 00:08:11,477 - Good morning. - No, sir, good day. 181 00:08:11,479 --> 00:08:14,480 I insist that you leave immediately, as you have entered 182 00:08:14,482 --> 00:08:17,316 - this residence unlawfully. - Uh, you want to jump 183 00:08:17,318 --> 00:08:19,485 - in here, Yoda's dad? - I invited him in. 184 00:08:19,487 --> 00:08:21,520 - Woodhouse! - And once you do that, 185 00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:25,190 you know, we are in. Not unlike vampires. 186 00:08:25,192 --> 00:08:26,659 - See? - What? 187 00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:28,461 Be that as it may, why are you here? 188 00:08:28,463 --> 00:08:30,529 Oh, just checking in, making sure you folks aren't 189 00:08:30,531 --> 00:08:33,299 engaging in treason, espionage or anything else illegal. 190 00:08:33,301 --> 00:08:34,584 Well, I can assure you... 191 00:08:34,586 --> 00:08:36,302 - Like drugs. - Hmm? 192 00:08:36,304 --> 00:08:37,386 - Cocaine? - Nope. 193 00:08:37,388 --> 00:08:38,721 - Yakuza? Mm-mm. 194 00:08:38,723 --> 00:08:40,205 - Shootout? - Noop. 195 00:08:40,207 --> 00:08:41,641 No one here was shot by the Yakuza? 196 00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:43,392 Well, I think we'd remember that. 197 00:08:43,394 --> 00:08:45,210 Then what's his problem? 198 00:08:45,212 --> 00:08:46,345 - Vasectomy. - Piles. 199 00:08:46,347 --> 00:08:47,379 - Gout. - Mumps. 200 00:08:47,381 --> 00:08:49,232 - Goutmumps? - Progeria! 201 00:08:49,234 --> 00:08:51,350 - He's just a little boy. - But whatever is wrong 202 00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:52,401 - with him... - Goutmumps. 203 00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:54,403 ...is none of your business, and since nothing in 204 00:08:54,405 --> 00:08:56,522 plain view would lead a reasonable person to suspect 205 00:08:56,524 --> 00:08:58,524 illegal activity, I demand that you... 206 00:08:58,526 --> 00:09:01,410 Nobody move! 207 00:09:01,412 --> 00:09:03,412 - Well?! - They can also 208 00:09:03,414 --> 00:09:06,231 - do what's known as a... - Protective sweep...! 209 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:08,400 Case law regarding search-and-seizure is actually 210 00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:11,370 - quite interesting... - What... about... the 211 00:09:11,372 --> 00:09:13,372 cocaine? 212 00:09:13,374 --> 00:09:15,374 ...admissible as evidence but only if he sees 213 00:09:15,376 --> 00:09:17,376 - it. - So we have to 214 00:09:17,378 --> 00:09:19,462 keep him out of the kitchen. All right, fan out! 215 00:09:19,464 --> 00:09:21,547 Agent Holly is the prime target, but... 216 00:09:21,549 --> 00:09:23,549 So, just so we're clear, you want us to 217 00:09:23,551 --> 00:09:26,352 - tranquilize a federal agent. - Do you have a better 218 00:09:26,354 --> 00:09:28,420 - idea? - I do not. 219 00:09:28,422 --> 00:09:30,523 Then we just slap some panties and rouge on him, 220 00:09:30,525 --> 00:09:33,392 pose him with Gillette-- whose fault this is!-- make some 221 00:09:33,394 --> 00:09:35,394 - glossy 8x10s... - I'll do it! 222 00:09:35,396 --> 00:09:37,396 - I have a camera! Dibs! - And then I doubt 223 00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:39,398 we'll be hearing from Agent Holly in the future. 224 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,400 Or you could pose him with Woodhouse. 225 00:09:41,402 --> 00:09:43,402 - What? - God 226 00:09:43,404 --> 00:09:45,404 knows he's a little GILF. 227 00:09:45,406 --> 00:09:47,406 - That's a thing?! - How do you not know 228 00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:50,209 - the different kinds of porn? - Because I have sex 229 00:09:50,211 --> 00:09:52,495 with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts 230 00:09:52,497 --> 00:09:56,582 the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing and a sock! 231 00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:58,584 Tell that to your cellmate! 232 00:09:58,586 --> 00:10:00,586 - Now, go! - You 233 00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:03,255 - scared the shit out of me! - What, 234 00:10:03,257 --> 00:10:05,257 - literally? - Seriously, dude, what is 235 00:10:05,259 --> 00:10:07,259 - up with you? - I could 236 00:10:07,261 --> 00:10:10,262 walk, and now I can't, and ain't nobody loves ol' Ray no more. 237 00:10:10,264 --> 00:10:12,264 Well, yeah, 238 00:10:12,266 --> 00:10:15,434 you're disgusting. But, you, I am totally digging 239 00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:18,470 this whole Queen Kong vibe. 240 00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:21,524 My God, are they... 241 00:10:21,526 --> 00:10:24,309 torturing a woman? Hang on, ma'am! 242 00:10:24,311 --> 00:10:26,362 I'm a federal agent, and I'm coming! 243 00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,447 - By God, I am coming! - Okay, you three head 244 00:10:28,449 --> 00:10:30,616 - upstairs... - Hang on. 245 00:10:30,618 --> 00:10:32,618 I'm going to the kitchen to make sure he doesn't 246 00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,620 - stumble onto the coke. - Hang on. 247 00:10:34,622 --> 00:10:36,622 - What? - Question. 248 00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:38,624 - What? - Are we not saying 249 00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:40,626 "phrasing" anymore? Which, that's fine, whatever, 250 00:10:40,628 --> 00:10:43,495 but if we're doing a new thing and nobody told me-- that I'd 251 00:10:43,497 --> 00:10:48,184 - have a problem with. - Oh, screw me! 252 00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:50,386 Said Ripley to the android Bishop. 253 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:54,357 Wait, hang on. Um... Goddamn it! 254 00:10:54,359 --> 00:10:56,525 - What was wrong with "phrasing"?! - Nothing! 255 00:10:56,527 --> 00:10:59,311 I'm fine. Just get out, leave me alone! 256 00:10:59,313 --> 00:11:01,480 I just need to be sure you're not being held here 257 00:11:01,482 --> 00:11:06,235 against your... That is a federal offense! 258 00:11:06,237 --> 00:11:08,404 - I said, get out...! - Oh, hey, remind me 259 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:11,240 to reboot the CPU in Ray's spine so he can walk again. 260 00:11:11,242 --> 00:11:13,409 What? A reboot-- that's all it takes?! 261 00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,578 - Beep boop. - He's been paralyzed 262 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:18,247 for months. What the hell have you been 263 00:11:18,249 --> 00:11:20,416 - waiting for?! - Yeah, but think how 264 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,534 - much happier he'll be now. Or-- and I'm just 265 00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:25,370 spitballin' here-- I find Holly first, show him the coke, get 266 00:11:25,372 --> 00:11:29,258 immunity, testify against them, then you and I go into witness 267 00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:32,595 protection and spend the rest of our miserable lives on the run, 268 00:11:32,597 --> 00:11:35,380 hounded by the fact that we betrayed our friends. 269 00:11:35,382 --> 00:11:37,549 Ugh! Or I get arrested and give birth 270 00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:40,269 in a supermax prison and... Oh, wait. 271 00:11:40,271 --> 00:11:42,438 Does the baby grow up in prison, or...? 272 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,608 Oh. Hello, old friend. 273 00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:48,393 - What the shit, Archer?! - Hang on. 274 00:11:48,395 --> 00:11:50,562 I knew you'd shoot without looking. 275 00:11:50,564 --> 00:11:53,232 Oh, really, you know me that well?! 276 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,234 Uh, well enough to know you're down here wondering 277 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,336 if witness protection ever sends people to the Virgin Islands. 278 00:11:57,338 --> 00:11:59,505 Well, in case you'd forgotten, I have an unborn 279 00:11:59,507 --> 00:12:02,241 - child to think about! - Jesus Christ, Lana, 280 00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,409 who can forget? It's baby this, baby that. 281 00:12:04,411 --> 00:12:07,430 Aw, Baby Archer, who's a jeawous baby? 282 00:12:07,432 --> 00:12:09,581 What?! Holy shit, do you have anemia? 283 00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:12,351 - No, I... - Uh, edema, 284 00:12:12,353 --> 00:12:15,354 hypertension, preeclampsia, Braxton-Hicks contractions, 285 00:12:15,356 --> 00:12:17,523 - pica?! - I... 286 00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:20,259 GERD?! Lana, do you have GERD?! 287 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:22,427 How do you know about 288 00:12:22,429 --> 00:12:24,596 the various possible complications of pregnancy? 289 00:12:24,598 --> 00:12:27,316 - Archer? - Maybe I looked it up. 290 00:12:27,318 --> 00:12:29,485 - Why? - I was concerned about 291 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:32,271 you. Blow me! 292 00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,439 Just making sure you're not into preggo porn. 293 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:36,608 Oh, goddamn it! That can't be a thing! 294 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,578 It is absolutely a thing, and do you just not have 295 00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:42,331 - the Internet, or...? - I have Minitel, okay? 296 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:45,551 A: not the Internet, B: only works in... 297 00:12:45,553 --> 00:12:48,554 France, Lana. Oui, maintenant je sais! 298 00:12:48,556 --> 00:12:51,390 Okay, um, thanks for your concern, and I don't know 299 00:12:51,392 --> 00:12:53,476 what you think you heard about witness protection, but... 300 00:12:53,478 --> 00:12:56,479 They don't make babies grow up in prison, Lana. 301 00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:59,231 - Yeah, right? - They take them away 302 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:01,400 the minute they're born and send them to an orphanage. 303 00:13:01,402 --> 00:13:03,569 No, not the minute they're... 304 00:13:03,571 --> 00:13:06,305 That very minute, Lana! 305 00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,473 They don't even dry them off! 306 00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:11,243 So if I were you, I'd run out that door while I still had a 307 00:13:11,245 --> 00:13:13,412 - chance. But-but, Archer, I... 308 00:13:13,414 --> 00:13:17,249 I'd also waste five precious minutes of my head 309 00:13:17,251 --> 00:13:20,485 start in the race to freedom giving that swell guy Archer a 310 00:13:20,487 --> 00:13:23,255 combination good-bye/thank-you blow job. 311 00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:30,329 - Asshole. - Yeah, or a rim job. 312 00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:32,497 What do you care? You're never gonna see him 313 00:13:32,499 --> 00:13:35,267 - again. - I can't. 314 00:13:35,269 --> 00:13:37,436 I know. I was kidding, stupid. 315 00:13:37,438 --> 00:13:39,605 I mean I can't leave you, stupid! 316 00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:42,358 This is the FBI! 317 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:46,345 - Open this door! - Well, not now... 318 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,447 stupid. And so, wait. 319 00:13:48,449 --> 00:13:51,200 Where did we land on that blow job? 320 00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:52,651 Sorry, rim job. 321 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,427 Do you hear me?! Open this door! 322 00:13:58,075 --> 00:14:01,943 Obstructing... a federal agent... is a felony... 323 00:14:01,945 --> 00:14:04,079 punishable... Ow! 324 00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:06,865 ...by up to 20 years imprisonment, if said 325 00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:09,734 obstruction results in the bodily injury of said agent, 326 00:14:09,736 --> 00:14:12,003 which I think may have just happened to said agent's-- ow!-- 327 00:14:12,005 --> 00:14:14,756 rotator cuff. Aah! 328 00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:16,925 - 20 years?! - Lana, look at all 329 00:14:16,927 --> 00:14:19,044 that coke! 20 years is just gonna be the 330 00:14:19,046 --> 00:14:21,046 Bac-Os on our prison salad. Besides, technically, Woodhouse 331 00:14:21,048 --> 00:14:23,765 - is the one obstructing. - Archer! 332 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:25,767 Relax. They don't send people that old to prison. 333 00:14:25,769 --> 00:14:27,936 It costs, like, two grand a day just to keep them alive. 334 00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:30,105 - I'm talking about us! - Hmm. I don't know. 335 00:14:30,107 --> 00:14:32,891 A hundred bucks? Depends who you ask, Lana. 336 00:14:32,893 --> 00:14:35,060 Liberals say this much, conservatives say this much... 337 00:14:35,062 --> 00:14:37,112 So, now you're just dicking around? 338 00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:39,898 - Yes. - Between the FBI and a 339 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,983 - ton of cocaine. - Yes. 340 00:14:41,985 --> 00:14:44,736 So, can I assume you have a plan? 341 00:14:44,738 --> 00:14:46,905 Yes. I mean, I don't, but you can 342 00:14:46,907 --> 00:14:49,074 assu... Ow! Ow! 343 00:14:49,076 --> 00:14:51,826 Ow! Ow! Ow! 344 00:14:51,828 --> 00:14:53,995 - I'm coming! - Said Ripley to... Ow! 345 00:14:53,997 --> 00:14:56,748 - Goddamn it, woman! - Come on! 346 00:14:56,750 --> 00:15:00,952 - Why are you slowing down?! - Need... got to... 347 00:15:00,954 --> 00:15:03,722 - More cocaine. - So, please 348 00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:05,891 don't take this the wrong way-- because I'm loving being your 349 00:15:05,893 --> 00:15:08,059 Esmeralda-- but you may have a problem. 350 00:15:08,061 --> 00:15:10,795 And it sounds like the solution is more cocaine, so turn left up 351 00:15:10,797 --> 00:15:12,964 - there. - But why are you 352 00:15:12,966 --> 00:15:15,734 leaving? They can't compel a husband and 353 00:15:15,736 --> 00:15:17,903 wife to testify against each other! 354 00:15:17,905 --> 00:15:20,071 Oh, yeah? They may not have to compel me. 355 00:15:20,073 --> 00:15:22,807 And what is that 356 00:15:22,809 --> 00:15:24,910 - supposed to mean?! - Oh, why don't you ask 357 00:15:24,912 --> 00:15:26,978 that guy you never heard of, Len Trexler? 358 00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:29,748 How can I? I've never heard of him. 359 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:31,917 You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the ass 360 00:15:31,919 --> 00:15:34,085 - and held on, would you? - Ron, wait! 361 00:15:34,087 --> 00:15:37,822 - What?! - Well, if you insist 362 00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:41,710 on being an ass, I can't stop you, but there is the small 363 00:15:41,712 --> 00:15:43,929 matter of my putting the deed to my apartment in your name. 364 00:15:43,931 --> 00:15:47,132 Ah, Ah, it's your loss! 365 00:15:47,134 --> 00:15:49,901 I'll mail you your furs. 366 00:15:49,903 --> 00:15:52,771 Don't you dare! At the very least, I insist on a 367 00:15:52,773 --> 00:15:54,940 bonded courier! Ron?! 368 00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:57,108 Ow! 369 00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:59,844 Lana, cut it... Ow! Ow! 370 00:15:59,846 --> 00:16:01,947 - Ow! Ow! - What's this door made 371 00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:04,115 - out of, mithril? - Ow! 372 00:16:04,117 --> 00:16:06,785 Just once, why can't you take... 373 00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:08,853 - Ow! - ...anything seriously 374 00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:10,956 - just once? - Ow! I was serious 375 00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:13,124 about that rim jo... Ow! Seriously, please stop hitting 376 00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:15,860 me. What the...? 377 00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:18,029 - Oh, thank God! - Cyril? Wait. 378 00:16:18,031 --> 00:16:20,165 - How did you...? - This house is 379 00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:22,867 - insane. - And scary, and gross, 380 00:16:22,869 --> 00:16:24,936 and I'm pretty sure I smelled a skeleton. 381 00:16:24,938 --> 00:16:26,938 No, you definitely smelled a skeleton. 382 00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:28,940 - Well, this is great! - How?! 383 00:16:28,942 --> 00:16:30,942 - I inhaled skeleton! - Because now the coke... 384 00:16:30,944 --> 00:16:32,944 ...is getting eaten by Pam! 385 00:16:32,946 --> 00:16:35,046 Quick, make the wall spin around again! 386 00:16:35,048 --> 00:16:37,115 It just kind of spun by itself! 387 00:16:37,117 --> 00:16:39,117 Jesus Christ, have you people never even heard of 388 00:16:39,119 --> 00:16:41,820 - Scooby-Doo? - Oh, come on! 389 00:16:41,822 --> 00:16:43,989 - Of course. - Uh... Pam? 390 00:16:43,991 --> 00:16:46,825 Aw, crap. 391 00:16:54,818 --> 00:16:56,985 Oh, my 392 00:16:56,987 --> 00:16:59,137 God. That's so freakin' unsafe. 393 00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,823 Okay, Krieger, Cyril, get in there, and we'll spin you 394 00:17:01,825 --> 00:17:03,825 - back around. Archer... - Why do I have to go 395 00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:05,910 - back in there?! - Because I said so! 396 00:17:05,912 --> 00:17:08,079 Yeah, plus skeletons? 397 00:17:08,081 --> 00:17:10,832 - Archer? - Got it. 398 00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,917 - Oh! Goddamn it! - Ooh! 399 00:17:12,919 --> 00:17:15,086 - Goddamn it. - Godspeed, you 400 00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:17,155 - meddling kids. - And sir, 401 00:17:17,157 --> 00:17:19,157 I'm afraid your breakfast will be four minutes late. 402 00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,843 Yeah, duh. I already berated you. 403 00:17:21,845 --> 00:17:23,928 Woodhouse, get away from the door! 404 00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:26,014 - Hmm? Oh! - Goddamn it! 405 00:17:26,016 --> 00:17:27,999 Just what do you people think the letters FBI stand for? 406 00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:29,968 I bought a T-shirt once where it stood for "Female 407 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:32,053 Body Inspector." God, is Myrtle Beach not the 408 00:17:32,055 --> 00:17:34,139 - best? - Pull a stunt like this 409 00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:37,008 again, you'll never make it back to Myrtle Beach. 410 00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:39,144 I probably wasn't going to anyway. 411 00:17:39,146 --> 00:17:41,730 Turns out it's actually not the best. 412 00:17:41,732 --> 00:17:43,848 And you actually have no right to search this house. 413 00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:46,017 As you can see, there's nothing illegal going on. 414 00:17:46,019 --> 00:17:48,820 Maybe not now, but I know you still have a lot of 415 00:17:48,822 --> 00:17:51,022 international contacts from your ISIS days. 416 00:17:51,024 --> 00:17:53,792 Mexico, Colombia, the Orient. I bet it wouldn't be too hard to 417 00:17:53,794 --> 00:17:55,960 - get set up in the drug trade. - Well, 418 00:17:55,962 --> 00:17:58,129 - you'd be surp... Oh! - We're not drug dealers, 419 00:17:58,131 --> 00:18:01,049 - Agent Holly. - Good, because I'll be 420 00:18:01,051 --> 00:18:06,004 watching you... like a hawk that's been bred with an eagle 421 00:18:06,006 --> 00:18:10,058 to produce some sort of... eagle-eyed superhawk... with a 422 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:11,843 badge. 423 00:18:11,845 --> 00:18:18,983 So, am I crazy, or is he super weird? 424 00:18:18,985 --> 00:18:22,854 Oh, well, I'm torn, Lana, I really am. 425 00:18:22,856 --> 00:18:25,824 I want to say "both," but I also don't want you to stop my heart 426 00:18:25,826 --> 00:18:28,059 - again, so... - Who's da widdle baby? 427 00:18:28,061 --> 00:18:30,829 Who's da widdle baby? Who's da widdle baby? 428 00:18:30,831 --> 00:18:33,765 - Yes, he is, widdle, little baby! - Wait. The brain chip 429 00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,934 - is in there? - I told you it was 430 00:18:35,936 --> 00:18:38,103 - small. - Said Ripley to the... 431 00:18:38,105 --> 00:18:40,805 - No, doesn't work there. - Yeah, it's crap. 432 00:18:40,807 --> 00:18:43,708 Okay, I actually only have one brain chip, so... who's our 433 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,044 - lucky winner? - Hmm. I guess we have 434 00:18:46,046 --> 00:18:48,880 to decide if we want regular lame Cheryl and a Pam who's not 435 00:18:48,882 --> 00:18:52,050 gonna overdose on cocaine and die, or potentially famous 436 00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:55,053 country singer Cheryl and a Pam who... tits. 437 00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:59,791 - Flip a coin? - No. 438 00:18:59,793 --> 00:19:01,960 And, yeah, he's a weirdo, but I think Agent 439 00:19:01,962 --> 00:19:04,729 Holly's right. We do have a lot of 440 00:19:04,731 --> 00:19:06,831 - international connections. - So, I'm thinking I 441 00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:09,033 should take a trip down old Mexico way, maybe Colombia, or 442 00:19:09,035 --> 00:19:13,071 even Southeast Asia, or... Hey, where's Ron? 443 00:19:13,073 --> 00:19:15,840 - Never heard of him. - Um... 444 00:19:15,842 --> 00:19:18,009 Lana, let it go. Jesus. 445 00:19:18,011 --> 00:19:20,745 But maybe we should try to sell out to an 446 00:19:20,747 --> 00:19:24,816 international cartel. But let me be clear. 447 00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:26,985 You won't be gallivanting around under the pretense of work just 448 00:19:26,987 --> 00:19:29,721 to visit the fleshpots of the world. 449 00:19:29,723 --> 00:19:31,890 - This isn't ISIS. - No, I... 450 00:19:31,892 --> 00:19:34,058 And it definitely isn't your semester abroad. 451 00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:36,828 What?! Come on, that's... 452 00:19:36,830 --> 00:19:38,963 Hey, I don't think we need to go into all the... 453 00:19:38,965 --> 00:19:41,733 Cobra whiskey and ladyboys. I mean... 454 00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:43,902 - Ha! - Shut up. 455 00:19:43,904 --> 00:19:46,070 You shut up! And Krieger? 456 00:19:46,072 --> 00:19:48,740 I trust the brain-chip implant was a success? 457 00:19:48,742 --> 00:19:50,842 I think. I mean, it's in there, and she's alive. 458 00:19:50,844 --> 00:19:54,813 Now we just have to see if t were any adverse side effects. 459 00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:58,116 Uh... Cheryl? 460 00:19:58,118 --> 00:20:00,885 Nah, Cheryl's gone. 461 00:20:00,887 --> 00:20:04,856 I'm Cherlene now. And if somebody don't fry me six 462 00:20:04,858 --> 00:20:07,926 goddamn eggs and some Carolina fries, I would personally be 463 00:20:07,928 --> 00:20:10,588 shocked-- shocked, I tell you-- if by mornin' this place ain't 464 00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:15,779 burnt to the ground. 465 00:20:19,605 --> 00:20:21,840 And I'm not a doctor, but... 466 00:20:21,842 --> 00:20:26,408 I mean, I'm definitely a doctor, so... no, I think we're good. 467 00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:28,114 Yup, yup, yup. 468 00:20:28,431 --> 00:20:38,827 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com