Ohh, why the hell is your phone on?
Because I have a social life!
Yello?
Why the hell is your phone on?
Because I have -- why did you call?
Because this is important.
Micromanagitis.
If we show san marino the flaws in their palace Security,
they've agreed to hire us as security consultants.
And I'm sure I don't need to remind you that we haven't
Gotten one of these jobs since your uffizi fiasco.
And yet, you always do.
Because you learned nothing from it.
I learned that "Flammable" And "Inflammable"
Mean the same thing.
Wait, what?
Well, this time make sure you --
Mother! Oh, my god!
We've been spotted, and they're shooting at us!
Oh, my! Oh, god!
Bet she's freaking out right now.
Oh, my god!
What shade is that --
Crack-whore red?
You said they were tranquilizer darts!
Ah, I merely implied that.
Damn it!
So I poisoned like five innocent security guards?
Would you relax?
I'm pretty sure san marino has universal healthcare.
So? So, that's good for Them
cause there's gonna be some neurological damage.
Oh, my. Lana.
That is one serious diamond.
but is it supposed to be brown?
It's not brown, pam.
That color is called "Champagne."
Mm-hmm, and why do you have it?
Because I...Am gonna ask lana to marry me.
And you're gonna give her that if she says no?
Like a big "Screw you and your big lincoln log-y fingers"?
So, the last thing you hear me say is, "Oh, my god!
They're shooting at us! " And you don't even call me back?
Well, I knew you weren't in any real danger --
You know, with lana there.
And let's just knock off the giggling.
I want game faces on those heads
For our conference call with the prince.
I thought he was a captain regent.
Oh, whatever.
All of san marino could fit in the south bronx.
The important thing is, they're loaded.
just
Shitfaced!
About 15 freakin' beers, all that schuetzie, and --
holy Shit! -- Did I honk down a bunch of absinthe?
I don't know, pam, but could you lower your voice?
I must have, 'cause I hallucinated
you had an engagement ri--
Not...Another...Word!
and just what is this, I ask you?
Hello, cheryl. What the --
cyril, are you cheating on me?
No, just trying to get my muffin back.
uh, no, you're not! I'm not?
not like that.
You got to slug her in the diaphragm with a forearm shiver!
That's good to know.
do it!
and no muffin. See?
Time lost is muffin lost, along
With my appetite - for food, that is.
come see me.
Wow, I am incredibly sorry.
But that is my decision, ms. Archer.
And as captain regent of san --
I don't care if you're captain...
Crunch! No, wait, beefheart.
Claudio, we had a deal.
No, wait -- kangaroo.
And we pointed out every single flaw in your
Cut-rate security system.
And now not only are you hiring another agency...
There was a captain kangaroo.
...You won't even pay isis for that security probe!
Which means no bonuses for us.
Wait, what? malory: Oh, now he cares.
Those monies will go to medical care
for the palace guards they poisoned.
What? Lana did that!
I -- claudio: And as for hiring odin --
Odin?!
Uh, skipper, if I could jump in here...
Trexler!
Oh, malory.
Even on -- what is this, 1080p? -- You look just as
Supple and sexy as the day I first laid eyes on you.
Where -- in a wax museum?
Sterling, that's no way to talk to your mother.
And just who in the hell do you think you are?
Getting isis blacklisted at the u.N.?
Had nothing to do with that.
Embarrassing me in berlin?
The entire hotel was embarrassed.
Stealing all my prospective clients?
N-- yeah.
And no matter which way I turn, you're butting in
That big, fat, strong, aquiline nose of yours.
Wait. What? trexler: You said it was the nose of a caesar.
Well, perhaps a lesser caesar.
No, no.
Now, I clearly remember you said "Augustus"
And "In vino Veritas."
And the chianti was definitely flowing...
Among other things. Mother!
Hmm? Oh, uh, this is
The last time you make me out a fool, len trexler!
You want to play me hard? Phrasing.
You have no idea. Well, then, you
Better nut up... Phrasing.
...Because I've swallowed just about as much as
I can take from you!
Hey! Phrasing!
...And we'll see who's smirking when isis steals
That diamond for real!
Ooh, you're a naughty girl.
Right, then!
Commence operation "Rub len trexler's big fat nose in it!"
Sounds like you already have.
Wait. You want us to break back into the palace,
Which now has the insane amount
Of security we recommended, plus
God knows how many odin guys...
Yes, so take more of that poison.
...And on top of that suck salad, you want to sprinkle
On the bacon bits of, "Oh, hey,
Let's tell them we're coming"?!
Well? Well, there's this new
Thing called the element of surprise?
I'm so sorry I slammed you in the gut.
Geez, that's how houdini died.
Houdini died of aids. No!
Why do you always say that?
And that's the thing - I want to surprise lana.
Well, you nailed it.
So, this time, I need you to not be your normal,
Compulsively blabby self.
W-when have I ever been blabby?
guess who has breast cancer.
Just one of like two
Dozen equally appalling videos on your website.
They're not all equally
App-- ohh, and have I blabbed
About you and cheryl?
She keeps seducing me!
And you think you can make that unhappen if you give
Lana a tiny flake of brown mica?
Cyril, look at it!
But I spent two months' salary.
I know, but you make shit.
Hey, I'm doing pretty well, thank you.
Save the speech for the father you continually disappoint.
I'm head of h.R., cyril.
I know your take-home.
Yeah, and I -- I --
I take home shit!
Well, we all do.
But what's my father ever done that's so great --
School superintendent?!
Big whoop!
There's only like 800 kids in
The entire county, "K" Through
12!
I'm sorry. Uh, you were saying?
I were saying, we all
Make shit, so what we should do is unionize!
Yeah! I'll get the raise I deserve.
Then you can buy lana a big-boy ring.
She'll promptly agree to marry me.
Then you can take her home to meet your dick dad.
And then I shove his hawk face right into her big
Brown boobs and scream, "Look at these babies, old man!
Didn't need a varsity letter to get those, did I?!
So now who's a disappointment?!"
Oh, jesus h. Jones, pam.
What?Pwpw
Carol? Carol?
Oh, wait.
Cheryl? Cheryl?
Hello?
Cheryl, I swear to god, if I
Have to open my own salad again, i will freak out!
W-where the hell is everybody?
So, let's assume we
Can't access the palace through that same skylight.
Okay. But maybe we overlooked
An air shaft, or maybe even some
Access below grade.
So let's pull up the palace schematics.
Um, okay.
Maybe today... Hang on.
...If that works for you.
Um, let me see.
How about now? Anything?
No. Uh, how about now?
No. How about now?
No. What are you doing
Back there? I don't know!
What are you - just hitting random keys?
Well, obviously!
Ohh, damn it, we --
Where's the hobbit guy?
A frickin' hobbit works here? No, he's just a --
Lana, they're called "Little people, " Not "Hobbits."
Will you -- he's a hobbit enthusiast.
Well, yeah, but he also knows how to work all the
Computers and satellites and shit.
But even though I do
All that, I got to live with a
Roommate in queens.
Another example of how
Underpaid the isis support staff really is.
And I, for one, am fed up!
yeah, fed full of muffins and denial.
What's your problem, neck bones?
my problem is, I remember
What ms. Archer did to the cleaning ladies!
you sure, missus?
Is plenty of space.
No, gracias.
okay.
Ha! How's that for bread and roses?
oh, my goodness.
Yeah, that was pretty sad.
what's sad is now nobody
Restocks the stupid machine in
The bathroom, so I have to make my own tampons.
tampons?
Well, I don't know what that is.
exactly, and so I say no union!
yeah!
No, no, no, wait.
Hunh-unh. Don't listen to the
"Makes her own tampons" Person!
Listen to your hearts
Because deep down you know
They're exploiting us.
But if we unite, we can put a stop to it.
And that supply closet is just
Packed with poster board and
Markers and maybe even some glitter!
So, who's with me on the picket line?!
and me!
Really?
you had me at "Put."
Yes, we need a sound sensor.
Duh!
God, where is that equipment guy?
And where the hell are the jumars?
Yeah, I don't know. This was all I could find.
I'm thinking goggles -- yes.
Shovels -- I don't know how or why we'd use 'em.
Cheryl!
She's not in here!
Well, why are you in here?
Is the san marino diamond in here now?
It might be, for all we know.
We can't find any of
The gear we need, we've got no
Satcoms, no new intel, and so,
Basically, we are totally
Unprepared for this mission!
Unless it involves night-shoveling.
Well, I want that diamond, not to mention my
"Rapidly approaching room
Temperature" Cobb salad, so --
Damn it. Where the hell are all the drones?
what do we want? Unfair!
when do we want it? Change!
Okay, so they're bad chanters, but overall, this
Strike's shaping up.
How? Nobody knows why we're striking.
Well, we can't say, "Hey, right upstairs is a
Top secret intelligence agency."
But it looks like we're
Picketing the cleaners!
No, it doesn't. Jesus!
stop picketing the cleaners!
You were saying?
Why are people picketing the cleaners?
I predicted this.
It's curry fury.
Holy shit. Is that cyril?
And pam, krieger,
Carol, all the...
Drones!
They're not picketing the
Cleaners -- they're picketing isis!
What's their beef?
Oh, the same entitled
Crap as always - "I can't make ends meet."
"I'm on food stamps."
"My child died because I
Couldn't afford new bone
Marrow" -- just, "Me, me, me, me, me!"
Jesus, whose kid died?
Oh, who remembers?
Check pam's blog.
And done, but if you
Still want us to steal you that gigantic diamond...
Well, obviously.
...We're gonna have to cross their picket line.
Well, screw that. Yeah, what's with all the bottles?
It's like a trailer-park easter.
lousy commies!
Go back to quebec!
Jesus!
Okay, strike's over, everybody.
No, hold that line.
We deserve a raise, and lana
Deserves a real ring, so --
Okay, so, let's go
Out the back.
Oh, my god!
Happy easter, cyril. Lana.
Oh, baby, what happened to you?
Well, see, I wanted to buy you a --
Cyril, this is not that moment.
And we don't talk to management.
or ham-fisted whores.
What?
Yeah, no, they're right.
What?!
No, not the whore part - management.
But we're not technically management.
But you make shitloads more than we do.
Even though you totally depend on us.
On you?
Hey, we're out there risking our
Lives every -- many of the days!
And so, yes, we get paid a little more.
How much a little more?
Well, it's complicated...
No, it isn't. Don't answer that!
...What with salary and
Performance incentives and all the bonuses.
Bonuses?!
dump her, cyril! Hey, crazy, go macrame some tampons!
oh, you want to hear something crazy?
Cyril -- thank you, pam.
Now look, lana -- baby,
"Take charge cyril" Is totally doing it for me.
It really is, but we're on a vital mission here.
Vital mission? Not on the master clipboard.
So, just how vital is it?
It's incredibly vital
Because if they don't steal me
That huge diamond, I will literally die.
A diamond? In this economy?
You're stealing a diamond for her?
Oh, irony.
And the rest of you, back to work!
If that salad isn't open in the next --
get 'em! Stop surging!
Archer, do something!
I am doing something!
What are you doing?!
Lana, out the back!
Move! Hey, cyril!
Cyril! Cyril!!
What?!
I'm saving lana, as usual!
Hey, shut up!
Frickin' odin.
I can't believe this.
How many are there? About a jillion.
Damn it. A jillion gay little copycats.
What? I mean, I didn't invent the turtleneck, lana, but
I was the first to recognize its
Potential as a tactical garment.
The tactical turtleneck, lana.
Archer. The "Tactleneck."
Can you please focus? Not really.
I don't think these goggles were properly calibrated.
Ditto the sound sensor and the stupid code cloner --
All the gear those sweaty tech dweebs normally --
Do we take the drones for granted?
No, no, no, lana.
Do not make this about them.
No, no, no.
That is utterly unacceptable.
It's just a cost-of-living adjustment.
It's strong-arm robbery!
Come on, ms. Archer.
You've been in there 10 hours.
Meet us halfway, and krieger will let you out of there.
Or else he'll crank up the heat again!
I love that you know how to do that.
And I love that I
Have an erection that didn't
Involve homeless people.
And you're cool with krieger shuckin' your side corn?
Yeah, that is a huge win-win for me.
You hear that, ms. Archer?
We're all on board for the big win-win out here!
Well, I'm not! Do your worst, krieger!
Okay. oh, my god, yes!
Yes, go ahead! Crank up the heat!
I'm as naked as the day I was born!
Naked or not... Well, don't keep saying it.
...You can't stay in there forever.
Ha! I'll outlast you!
I'm naked, and I've got half a lime and almost...
Nearly 2/3 of a half-gallon of --
Shit.
Now we got her!
Ha! I'll suck it straight off this grimy linoleum
Before I give in to you bellyachers!
You've got nothing!
No code cloner, no gps.
Ugh! We've got no thermal imaging!
Lana, we don't need gadgets.
Oh, really? Machines are gonna fail.
Then the system's gonna fail.
And then it's "Who has the ability to survive?"
And that's the game, lana -- survival.
Just watched "Deliverance" Again, huh?
I mean, is burt reynolds not the man in that?
On the raft...
With the vest, huh?
You know, he did his own stunts.
I know!
He did his own stunts!
Keep your frickin' voice --
Aah! God!
Sweet jesus, the goggles!
intruders! get them!
Aah, lana! Lana, I'm blind!
Yeah? I'm blind!
Should I go on without you?
What? No, carry me, monster-hands!
Jesus! Quit bouncing my eyes!
Shut up! I'm trying to get us an evac,
But nobody's answer-- oh, holy
Shit, are they still on strike?
Hey, eugene debs, it's only been about 10 hours, all right?
So you'd rather die in there than give us a
Cost-of-living adjustment?
Yes! oh, no.
I can arrange that. Crunch!
I love that you know how to do that.
Well, now you're trapped.
Happy? Yes!
Laundry. Oh, wait, are we open?
What? Sir, you have to slow --
Geezy petes, get a load of this guy.
We're taking heavy fire, and we need a frickin'
Extraction, you dumbass!
Lana!
She thought you were a man. Shut up!
Cyril, baby, we're pinned down, okay?
We need a -- aah! Lana!
What's going on? We need evac - a helo, a jump jet --
Uh, at this point, really anything.
Well, don't just stand there, idiots!
Yeah, come on! Get 'em out of there!
Uh, you'd need the satcom link to do that.
So? So it's upstairs.
And, uh...
Someone broke the elevator.
And miss fire hazard in
There bricked up the only stairwell!
Don't talk to me about fire hazards.
All you people did in there was smoke!
Aah, god, I'm hit! Lana!
Will somebody please do something?!
Like what, cyril?
I'm blind! No, us! Here!
Krieger, bilbo, come
On -- can't you guys do something?
Wh-- no!
Oh, wait, I meant "Yes."
Roger that, zebra two. Stand by.
Helo's 10-4.
He just needs you to upload your
Gps coordinates into his h.U.D.
Which I will do with these cellphones.
Holy shit. You geeks are badass.
Well, we couldn't have done it without an
Electrical insulator, so thank
Cyril for the tiny brown diamond.
What? Oh, wait. Lana, did we get the diamond?
What? No. But, cyril, why did you have a diamond?
Oh, uh, just my ear stud, you know, from college.
Really? Called it.
And, again, you do realize it'll be totally
Destroyed in the process?
Yes, just hurry up, please!
Okay, uploading gps coordinate- wait a second.
Damn it! We don't have a second!
Lana, I'm sure we have one second.
But, seriously, it does sound
Like we're about to be overrun,
So... Get my son out of there!
What the hell are you people waiting for?!
A goddamn cost-of-living adjustment!
What?! Hey, yeah.
No, krieger, this is not the time for this.
It is exactly the time!
So, what's it gonna be, you harpy?
You ever want to see your son again?
Not at the number you quoted me.
Mother! That number is pegged to the consumer price index!
Where -- the people's republic of canada?
Jesus, take it out of our bonuses!
What? Mother, no, listen to me.
Aah! I'm hit! I'm hit, and I'm blind.
Jesus, ms. Archer, your child is dying.
Oh, all right.
If they'll give up their bonuses... Mother!
...You can have your lousy cost-of-living adjustment.
Something good's happening!
And you can have your dick son back.
What's going on? I hear a helicopter!
Oh, yeah!
Holy shit!
My other senses are already heightened!
Hey, this time I saved lana.
But, oh, god, pam, two months' salary.
Cyril, you can't put a price on good pussy.
Roger that, zebra two.
Hey, the helo's got 'em! They're safe!
hooray. way to go.
Then get me out of this sweatbox...
Because I am officially out of gin.
Oh, come on, archer.
Not now. I'm serious.
Hey, I'm serious.
Look at me, seriously, lana.
And forget the eye bandage, but
The hair, the strong jawline --
Who do I remind you of?
Nobody. Say it.
Please don't make me do this.
Say it. Say it!
Burt reynolds in "Deliverance."
No, not in "Deliverance"...
In "Gator"! Right?
How can you not see that?
Sync by YYeTs.net Transcript by Addic7ed.com